Maternity nurses

[Countrylane]

I can’t afford one, sadly. But I’m intrigued by how they manage to get babies onto a schedule so early. I have friends who’ve employed them and their babies do genuinely seem to sleep so much better. Does anyone know what their secrets are??

Experience. The more babies you deal with the better you become at understanding the nuances of their needs.

Starting Early. It is far easier to develop good sleep habits the younger you start.

To be honest I think they just have more energy to have the strength and will (and endless patience) to get a baby into a routine. That coupled with experience. I remember seriously considering hiring one but couldn't afford it!

@FATEdestiny What would you say the top good habits are? I have a 9 week old and I follow your advice religiously on here! Your expertise is much appreciated. x

What would you say the top good habits are?

#1 - Introduce a dummy.

There is nothing on this plant better for gentle, no crying independant sleep. Alternates dummy use will likely either (a) involve crying (b) be more parent dependant and not independant

#2 Use a swaddle in the first 3 months. An angry/distressed newborn needs a swaddle more, this is not a sign baby "doesn't like" the swaddle. The opposite in fact.

#3 Independant sleep means putting your baby down and developing ways to make it easier to put baby down to sleep.

#4 Properly decide if you are an attachment parent (you are your baby's comfort - feed to sleep, cuddle/rock to sleep, contact naps, sleep on you or in sling, cosleep). You cannot realistically half-do AP, for example naps in your arms and feed to sleep but not wanting to cosleep. You'll either end up "giving in" and embracing AP fully. Or you'll have to sleep train an older baby our of AP - which is the most distressing of sleep training to achieve.

Much better to decide early that you want to AP and go with that from the outset. Or decide early you want an independent sleeper and develop independant sleep habits from the beginning.

#5 Starting early matters. As long as you are age appropriate in approach, you can start developing good sleep hygiene from Week 1 newborn age.

#6 Your baby needs significantly more help to sleep independently than you might expect.

Too many new parents think that good sleep comes from baby having less help to go to sleep (ie "You can't sleep train a newborn" assuming "sleep training" means baby crying to sleep). In fact a newborn is the best possible age to teach independant sleep habits. But it comes from giving baby significantly more help to sleep independently.

That’s really helpful, @FATEdestiny. What do you mean by more help to sleep. Mine’s currently 3.5 weeks and I am happy to help him sleep! But not sure how. Thank you!

The help to sleep independently in the newborn phase is the easiest it will ever be. In a nutshell:

• dummy
• swaddle
• well fed
• well winded
• limited awake time
• Movement in the form of moving sleep surface, if extra help needed.

In more detail:

• feed more frequently than you think baby needs
• Good winding matters
• Hardly any awake time. Wake and undo swaddle, feed, wind, check nappy, into swaddle and top-up feed, wind cuddle on shoulder, put down for sleep with dummy
• Don't put baby down fully asleep. The idea of winding then putting down is to rouse a newborn slightly when put down. Likewise nappy check after main feed. As weeks progress have baby being out down more and more awake. Without a dummy this would involve crying. I wouldn't do it without a dummy.
• There's a knack to physically putting baby down to sleep in a cot/crib*. You'll need to master it since just putting baby down and crossing your fingers rarely works.
• When (rather than if) daytime naps get challenging move them into something that moves - bouncer or pram for example - for the first 6 months. Develops the habit of sleeping independently rather than in your arms, and gives the ability to extend naps through movement.

• Do top-up feed and final wind all with baby already swaddled - the reduced stimulation helps putting baby down. Keep baby in shoulder-wind-position while putting down. Bend at your waist to lower baby onto cot mattress with baby never moving in relation to you. When you are hovering parallel to the matress and baby touching matress, move your arms/hands from baby's head/back but keep that full body physical contact with your chest. Wait until baby settles (with aid of dummy). Then as you pull away replace the physical contact with your chest with the weight if your hand on baby's chest, so you end stood up with hand on baby's chest. Stay there and wait until settled (with dummy sucking) and then lift hand. Do all this very, very slowly.

@FATEdestiny you are my heroine. Thank you so much. Will be doing all this from now. Thank you!!

I feel at 9 months, we have missed the boat with all of these! Daytime naps are good but sadly nights are horrendous. Please send coffee!!