18 month sleep regression or something else??

[popgoesperfection]

Looking for a bit of advice to help get my ds sleeping better.
Ds is 18 month and we follow a loose routine of:
Up between 6:30 - 7 am
Nap at 1:15 pm for up to 2 hour
Up to bed at 7:30 pm, read a book and have a cuddle, lay him in his bed, say night and leave.
Generally he goes off straight to sleep independently. However, through the night he wakes numerous times crying and whinging, I leave him for a few minutes to see if he'll settle himself, then go into him, lay him back down and leave. I do this every time, I never bring him out of his cot or speak to him until morning when it's time to get up. Yet he continues to do it every night and I'm starting to struggle with the constant wakings. Can any one offer some advice or anything that I could try?

My DS went through the same. It doesn't last long.
It did last maybe a couple of weeks. You'll get through it. Hang on in there x

Thankyou. It's been a little over a week now so I'll keep everything crossed we're nearly at the end x

So, since my original post night time sleep has got progressively worse. Bedtime has become a bit of a battle, still the same routine, lay him down, say night and leave, but now he's started standing up and crying till I go back into him. This continues for around half hour till he finally gives in. Then there's the middle of the night, he's started waking for 2 hours in the middle of the night, standing up and crying, I go in, lay him down. A minute later he's up and crying again. I've tried a drink, teething gel, calpol, making sure he's not too hot/cold and nothing is working. Where am I going wrong??

Don't lie him down. Tap the matress and tell him to lie down. Do this at bedtime and naptime - basically stop doing things he can physically do for himself.

Do similar with all aspects of physical activity. Don't lift him into the sofa, ask him to climb up on his own. Don't pick him up to put on your knee, say "come on" and open your arms for him to climb up to. He should be able to crawl upstairs by now too. And with support crawl (backwards) off a bed or sofa.

Play lots of instruction following games during the day. Take this to Daddy. Put this on the floor. Take this into the kitchen. Where's the ball? Put this in the bin. Follow me and let's put this in the wash basket. All of these kinds of things.

Develop that independence of movement and instruction following nailed, then at bed time just keep repeatedly tell him to lie down every time he gets up. Repeat a million times until he realises that you won't give in on this one - that he absolutely must lie down (himself, without help) and has no option to do anything else.

Thankyou I will definitely give this a go! What if he won't lay down and it escalates into full on crying?

So, a bit of armchair psychology.

At this stage of a million new skills being learnt every week, little toddlers almost universally want to please their mums. That's why I mention doing lots of independent movement and instruction following during the day - to develop that pattern of:
Instruction > you pause with expectant (happy) face > instruction followed > total independence of movement > big smiles, cheers, praise and cuddles from mummy.

Children are not born with negative behavioural issues like defiance - these are learnt. And at 18 months, it's too early to have learnt it. They are learnt by repetition if finding that defiant behaviour gets the result they want. You are aiming yo teach the opposite, the positive version. Following instructions means Mummy is very pleased with you, toddler loves that praise so the feedback loop begins.

I would use facial expression a lot. For example:

• normal pre-sleep routine. Say milk downstairs, upstairs for night clothes, cuddle and story in bedroom...
• Put into cot stood up (every single time, never ever lie him down)
• tap matters, say lie down
• Swap to "No! It's sleep time now, we lie down to sleep. Lie. Down." Tap matress
• . Give him time to decide to follow the instruction.
• When he does, as soon as he starts making a movement towards it, immediately change to . Lots of positive reinforcement, praise.
• Hand on chest to settle him once he does lie down. Keep the positive, compassionate, expression with eye contact.

If he was to continue to not lie down, I'd roll back the routine. So out if the cot, straight onto the floor. Bend down to his eye level - sturn face, repeat your "No! It's sleep time now, we lie down to sleep. You must lie down". Change to a positive facial expression and say ok, well try again.

Start again. Into cot stood up, tap mattress, tell to lie down, positive expectant facial expression, wait.

If that's not happening, roll back further. Maybe go back to cuddling with a story in his room in order to calm him down and reset the positivity. Read until he's calm and start again. But do the same - into cot stood up, tap matters, tell him to lie down.

It's a case of having very firm boundaries on this. You will expect him to lie down at bedtime. You are not forcing him to sleep but you are expecting him to lie down and stay lying down.

It's the tough bit of parenting. Essentially the same sorts of things you do with the Terrible Twos and Threenager tantrums - you set certain boundaries that are hard boundaries and not negotiable. DC may try to push against them but you stay firm. Pretty quickly DC accepts that your way is the only option on this one.

We had this, lasted 2 months (I almost died 🙄). We fell back to Ferber method. Going in at increasing intervals. Horrendously painful but it eventually worked. We also stick to 5 hours awake time in the morning and 5.5hours in the afternoon. She sleeps better if shes awake at 6:30am and nap at 11:30. We found an earlier bedtime actually helped, which sounds counter intuitive but we think she was perhaps over tired so she’s in bed lights out at 7pm, she needs at least 15-30 min to fall asleep (have tried putting her down later but regardless of when we out her down its half an hour of settling herself and getting comfy)

I would try shifting nap a bit earlier. Her sleep is not perfect now but significantly better. You have all my sympathy, its a godawful regression.

Right, so, upon reflection, when I put him to bed he actually lays himself down, and during night wakings 80% of the time as soon as I open the bedroom door he lays himself back down. He just stands back up as soon as I leave the room. I go in, he lays down, you get the drift. Where do I go from here??
Thankyou for the reply @Roomonb. I would struggle moving his nap earlier due to work and finishing time unfortunately.

I would stay in the room.

Your expectations are:

• He will lie down
• He will be still (so no kicking or thrashing around)
• He will be quiet (so no squealing or shouting)

Note that your expectation is not that he will sleep. The idea is that when he follows your rules, sleep comes as a natural progression and largely by choice.

Any move to get up, get him back down. Any thrashing around, hand on him to still. Likewise any noise.

Stay wherever works for this, but be consistent. Maybe you start standing by his bed, if he needs a hand on him regularly. If not, maybe you start waiting by the doorway. Stay until he's asleep. Once you've established thus for a few weeks, start with the "just popping up the loo" or whatever excuses. So that you can hang around upstairs with his bedroom door open, but not at the door all the time.

@FATEdestiny I have been trying your suggested method and sleep isn't getting any better. I have tried the tapping the mattress for him to lay back down and he refuses, shakes his head and it escalates from there. I have also done the roll back the routine as suggested but he still refuses to lay. Is there any other method you would suggest trying?

We've just come out of around 4 weeks of what you have just described and honestly I'd say just do what you can and ride it out. It's a common sleep regression, lasts 2-6 weeks on average and WILL pass!!

We tried everything and nothing helped. Now she's out of it our old techniques and routines work again.

Thankyou for your reply @ELM8 !!
Isn't it tough when your sleep deprived!! He's currently not 100% in himself too so sleep is even worse at the minute 😞 I keep wondering to myself how I'm making it through the days sometimes.

It's honestly the worst it felt like 4 weeks of hell in all honesty.. I took the odd day off work to catch up on sleep, I don't know if that possible for you? Just keep the knowledge that it's common and will pass!!!!

I'm not able to have any days off unfortunately. I dread going to bed now because I know he's going to be up and down. I just want to sleep!!

[quote popgoesperfection]@FATEdestiny I have been trying your suggested method and sleep isn't getting any better. I have tried the tapping the mattress for him to lay back down and he refuses, shakes his head and it escalates from there. I have also done the roll back the routine as suggested but he still refuses to lay. Is there any other method you would suggest trying? [/quote]
It really is just a case of keep doing it, keep going. It might not get better immediately because you are looking to change behaviour and establish new habit routines. That doesn't happen quickly, it takes plenty of repetition. Just keep going.

Lots of instruction following practice all of the time (not just bedtime). Lots of independence, every time encourage baby to do it himself rather than doing it for him. Then at bedtime follow through this. At the end of the day if he wont lie down, you lie him down. That's better than making it a bigger battle than it needs to be. Again, just be repetitive about it, repeatedly and constantly get him lying back down.

They say (dunno who "they" are) that it takes 21 periods of repetitions for a habit to form. So about 3 weeks if you do the same thing over and over again.

Thankyou for your message back. I'll persevere but I'll give the laying him down a go rather than trying to get him to lay down himself. This no sleeping lark when your trying not to wake the older child up then getting up for work is no good haha

@popgoesperfection just wanted to let you know we are week two into 18 month sleep regression, I'm currently downstairs listening to ds kicking the bars of his cot and shouting "UPDOWNUPDOWN"

Urgh.

@aliensprig isn't it frustrating !!
My oldest was consistently sleeping through the night by 12 months and we never experienced the 18 month sleep regression but by the lord is his brother making up for that 😂

Do you close the door ? My daughter hated the door being closed and it took me ages to work it out. She liked to be Able to hear us downstairs

Does he have a night light? It is at about 18 months that they start getting scared of the dark .

We leave the door open about halfway and we have a nightlight on the landing 🤷🏻‍♀️

Aarrggghh!!
I'm really starting to struggle now, sleep isn't improving at all. Tonight I have been in bed since 10 and have only slept for around 45 minutes. I'm at a total loss and feeling deflated, frustrated and defeated.

Oh @popgoesperfection I feel your pain at the moment.

DD is 19 months and I feel like we are going through delayed 18 month sleep regression with a side portion of separation anxiety.

Same routine as ever, that until last week worked brilliantly - tea, then bath at 6.30/7, bed by 7.30 - sleep until 7am.

But oh no, not recently.

She is doing the same as you describe - wailing and crying for us, but as soon as I go into the room she lies down. If I stay by the bed, she's fine. If I dare move, she's standing up and wailing again.

DP is a softy and isn't helping as he takes her out for a cuddle whereas I'd be more strict about just being in bed, but by the same token I can't just stand by her bed from 2-4am until she goes back to sleep!

Urrrggghhh

It's torture isn't it @MKCH !!
I've been relentlessly searching the internet at all hours trying to find a solution and have so far fallen short.
What's she like during the day mood wise? Ds is so difficult because he's tired. It just feels constant atm!!

Hey @popgoesperfection how's it going? Has it got any better?
I was up from 11.45pm until 2.30am last night before taking DD into my bed for a couple of hours... then back next to her cot for two hours before conceding in bring her back in with me.
Today we have found that the issue is that not only is it hot and she is having the standard regression... but she also has hand, foot & mouth. Poor little soul! So I'm being a bit more lenient that I usually would be with sleeping patterns anyway.
Doesn't make me any less tired though sadly 😴