3 year old sleep and exhausted mum

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DD is 3 and has never slept well. We had 2 hourly wake ups until she was 20 months and I night weaned her and even now she will wake up a few times a night. On a good night she wakes once or twice and I can count on one hand the number of times she’s slept through.

It has also always taken an least an hour to get her to sleep (we have to lie with her and cuddle her) and she will only very rarely let her dad settle her. She screams and cries for me and gets very distressed until I go in if her dad tries so I always end up doing bedtimes.

I now have a newborn ds (who actually sleeps better than dd) but I’m losing my mind with dd. I would love my husband to be able to settle her so I can have a break and then I can get to bed earlier. At the moment I get her to sleep while hubby cuddles ds and then I come out and begin the night shift with settling ds. To add, we have a good night routine with dd. Dinner, bath time, story, milk in bed and she no longer day naps.

Try watching some Supernanny videos on the transition to sleeping independently.

Also, a noise machine in the room can minimise disturbance. Weighted blankets are often helpful too.

F with interest OP; you have my sympathy. My 19mo wakes 3-4 times a night and is also a daddy refuser.
Hoping to night wean soon but he's being stubborn.

Oh also, I just saw that you cuddle to sleep. I would recommend trying Gradual Withdrawl. We started last month and I can now put my DS in his cot awake after a feed, he cries for about a minute and then self settles (it's been life changing as he used to feed to sleep which took an hour).
It's very gentle, so the first few days you are there and Ssshing and cuddling but over the next week or two you get further away.
As she is older it may work telling her you're just popping downstairs (to make a tea or put a wash on) for something and then you come back up every few minutes. The theory is that she gets bored after a while and self settles.

This isn't going to be what you want to hear but I had the same with my DD and she finally grew out of it age 5 when she went to school....except last night! 🤦‍♀️😢

When my 3 year old wakes in the night and won’t go back to sleep, I put a cartoon on for her and sleep next to her the couch. She eventually drifts back to sleep and at least I am not tried and stressed. If she is tried the next day then she has a nap.

Had same issue. DH used to do bedtimes on his own then DC decided only mum would do. Started gradually with DH coming in to listen to stories, then to do a story then singing after I left room. I tackled the cuddling to sleep first though. Reduced the cuddle time fairly rapidly and would sit next on bed shushing. I had one night with massive screaming fit and a couple of whiny nights. Then progressed to being 'busy' tidying the room rather than sitting with DC, then popping out to tidy my room for a minute and built up the time. DC was going to sleep on own within 2 weeks.

DC still wakes up once or twice most nights age 3 but sometimes sleeps through. The day starts at 5:30 regardless of bedtime. Newborn is so far thankfully much easier.

Thanks everyone, had another horrible night last night so will try some of those tips.
@MissingTheMoonlight if it makes you feel better night weaning for us was quite easy. I thought it would be awful (as she used to be attached to me all night) but I was just very clear that we no longer had booby at night but we could have cuddles and she cried a little bit to start with but then accepted it xx