Getting 7 year old off to sleep

[Samsmumiam]

Not sure if anyone will have ideas on this but I need to get it off my chest! It?s about my 7 year old daughter?s bedtime.

She has always needed a lot of help around getting to sleep/sleeping through..and she doesn?t need all that much sleep. When she was 5, and I became pregnant, we made some major changes and as a result she stopped completely waking up in the night and, instead of someone sitting with her while she fell asleep, we settle her at about 8.30/8.45 then go back and check on her every ?5 minutes? (a period of time which increases to about 15 minutes as she gets more sleepy, although we haven?t told her that in terms).

The trouble is that now there?s a baby (well 1 year old), who wakes very early, I need to get to sleep by about 10/10.30. And though my daughter can go to sleep before 9.30, 10/10.15 is not unusual. The result is that my partner and I have almost no time when we feel ?off duty? and are able to have a conversation that isn?t interrupted by going off to check on her. And it?s getting to be a problem for us.

I?ve tried story tapes ? they just keep her awake longer and then she still needs checked on but is overtired and miserable. Meditations for children?same effect. She?s not a very fluent reader so is a bit tired to read by bedtime. I don?t want to put her to bed any earlier because that?s the only mummy time she really gets without her brother there. I?ve talked gently to her about extending the checking time eg to half an hour and she gets very upset. In fact on bad nights she barely tolerates the 5 minutes thing, but she knows there is no going back on that.

I don?t want a sobbing girl at bedtime each night. I don?t want to do anything harsh, especially as she?s still a bit jealous of her brother?I do want some peaceful time with my partner!

I can sympathise with you! My dd is 8 and has always had trouble getting off to sleep. I have another dd (8 months) and from the start I ensured a good night time routine for her! She goes down about 6.30pm and my eldest gets to stay up till 8.00pm on a school night - although lights out are by 8.30pm. I have explained to my eldest that mummy is making sure the baby goes to bed first so that we can have time together, but that it is important for baby as she gets older to learn from her. I have given her the responsibility of reading the babies bedtime story so that she can see how it is done for baby. She feels quite grown up and seems to like the fact that baby goes to bed before her!

I have explained to her that children need a proper bed time routine and that it is important for her to get a good nigtht sleep. I also did a terrible thing in that I told her that the school had sent letters home stating that children had to be in bed at a reasonable time and sleeping in order that they would be able concentrate properly! I know that this was a lie but it did help!!! I was desparate!

Have you tried drugs? Just to break the routine?

A friend gave Fenegan (sp?) to her 5yo who just couldn't get the hang of going off by himself. It is an old fashioned antihistamine which makes you drowsy.

Perhaps you could ask your GP?

I have no good ideas, but am watching this closely. I too have an eldest DS (8) who can't get over to sleep. We too were determined to ensure younger DD didn't pick up such a habit.
We have tried story tapes, reading, listening to music. Not much success with anything. He is very rarely actually asleep before 10pm - .
End result is grumpy child, with short fuse!

Sometimes things like music, tapes can act as a stimulant and are therefore more likely to have the opposite effect IME.

I have a soft night light which she is allowed to keep on, but no TV,music etc. If you keep doing what you are doing, ie checking on her, hopefully she will get the message. When my dd says "but I can't get to sleep" I just say that this is ok, she can lie awake, but that she is not getting out of bed. Usually when I say this it is enough for her to realise that she really should just go to sleep!! It's tough though - especially when you have a baby who goes down without a peep!! Go figure??

Karen I like the idea of involving her in baby's bedtime and setting a good example (even though it's really him, asleep by 7, who sets her a good example!). And I agree that music, tapes etc just keep her awake, whereas for me as a child they were the only way to switch off and drop off.

Mrs Boo, I guess the difference for me is that she goes to sleep at 10 but isn;t all that grumpy - I think she really really just doesn't need too much sleep, unlike her mum. Even when she has the chance to lie in it's rarely after 7.30. And she does take a fair bit of time to wind down in bed. I just wish she could do it on her own without me having to check on her.