Toddler who won’t give up the boob!

[Marimaur]

DD is 29 months, was ebf from birth and we’ve co slept since she was a few months old.. but she’s been sleeping in her own toddler bed, which she loves.
We only breastfeed at night and it’s a comfort thing - she eats and drinks well in the day.

We’ve tried a few gentle approaches - telling her no and offering cuddles, my husband going in to comfort her instead, giving her a big cup of warm milk before bed, sleeping next to her bed on a floor mattress and gradually moving further away, even encouraging her to suck her thumb instead ().

She absolutely kicks off when I gently refuse, and just continuously cries and calls for me, even if my husband goes into comfort her. She basically wants to fall asleep at the boob, cos that’s what she’s always done.

At my wits end at what to try before just going cold turkey. Any ideas? Is cold turkey and riding out the tantrums the only way to go here?

Cold turkey is the best way, honestly. You've been giving in to her so she know to keep kicking off. It will be a few rough nights and then it will be over. Your husband needs to be the one to go to her, any interference from you will only make it drag on.

You’re right, I think.
I’ve been putting off the cold turkey approach - had friends who had success with the gentle methods, so was hopeful!

How long has she been not been cosleeping for? Does she stay in her own bed all night? Does she wake in the night?

Also, is she daytime napping? How/where does she sleep?

She co slept with us until a few weeks ago - we took the bars of her cot and she says she wants to stay in 'her bed'.
She wakes still, yes. Usually 1-2 times.
She has an afternoon nap, usually in her bed, sometimes on floor cushions in the living rooms.

That's a very big, significant change to deal with all in one go. You have previously been her complete source of comfort (bf to sleep and sleeping with her) that to change to both independent sleeping and independent settling is a huge, huge change. It will be extremely distressing for her.

Yes, I see why you say that.

We tried last night - My husband slept next to her on a floor mattress in her room. She called for me/cried for about 30 mins last night but he was there comforting her.
She slept soundly for the rest of the night after falling asleep next to him.

She's never slept completely alone tbh, even though she's in her bed I've slept next to her bed in her room with her.

Ah, that's much better then.

I was going to say that my suggestion for a first step would be to wean from the breast but keep cosleeping going throughout. But best done with Dad rather than Mum. Wait for her to tolerate weaning before tackling independant settling and sleeping.

I'm currently night weaning my 22 month old. It's rubbish isn't it? But she was waking 3-4 times a night and I just couldn't carry on. We're 1 week in. It still takes ages for her to fall asleep, but she's started only waking once a night pretty much straight away, and last night slept completely through. I'm still on the floor in her room, I'll work on getting out later. Last night was especially painful as she's got a cold, but I didn't want to lose everything by caving

It IS rubbish. We made good progress, then had a setback last night cos she poured a cup of water down herself, which woke her up fully and started looking through her books at 3am . I went to settle her back down, but not sure if that was the right thing to do

We’re focusing on the middle of the night waking first and not needing me to breastfeed her back to sleep, then will tackle the breastfeeding to fall asleep (which is the biggie, she’s always fallen asleep at the boob!)

Good luck with your little one!

Oh no! But she probably wouldn't have settled soaking wet anyway?
We've done it the other way around, so milk in the night but bedtime without for a week. Last night I started on no milk at night either, it took an hour to get her settled but it wasn't constant crying thankfully. I ended up rocking her to sleep. Bedtimes are still awful. She doesn't cry much but she'll only sleep when she's completely exhausted. Last night she fell asleep on her bedroom floor around midnight . I still feed her to sleep for naps, and probably will until she drops them completely. Just wish we were getting more progress at night.