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Sleep

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Original poster

3.5 year old up multiple times in middle of the night exhausted parents

29 replies

Starlight17 · 29/05/2021 07:30

That’s it basically. Our 3.5 year old DS has been waking up multiple times a night for the past 3 weeks. Some context around this is that we are moving house in a few weeks time and he had tonsillitis last week. He’s been involved in the house move packing and going to see his new room etc and was on antibiotics for his to tonsillitis which has now cleared up. My question is how on earth do we get him back to sleep at night? He hasn’t slept through every night since he turned 3 years old but would consistently have 1-2 nights sleeping through and waking only once and straight back to sleep on the other nights before this which we could handle. Now we both take turns to go to him in the night and take him straight back to bed, no speaking etc and tell him to go to sleep but he continues to get up and knock on our door and cry at the door until we go to him again. Last night DH ended up sleeping on his bedroom floor (again) and I ended up crying in bed at 2am in frustration. Exhausted today is an understatement and he has started waking his DD. We’ve also tried letting him nap in the day for 30 mins to try catch up on sleep and putting him to bed earlier but it makes no difference and he’s still up. He is still in night time nappies which are wet every morning and plan on trying to help him get dry in the night after we move (too many new things at once otherwise). So what do you think, could it be the house move unsettling him? I knew we might have trouble when we moved but not before. Maybe he’s gotten into a routine of getting up? I did try the wake to sleep one night and ended up waking him fully! I’m not sure what to do next but any advice would be great as we are all running on empty and really need some energy again. Thanks

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Original poster

Starlight17 · 29/05/2021 07:31

*our DD

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 06:40

Has no one been through this? Arghhh

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Mincepiesallyearround · 30/05/2021 07:03

My DD same age wakes in the night usually once but sometimes several times over consecutive nights, it’s from bad dreams though. We grit our teeth and get through it as she’ll usually go back to the one wake a night after a few nights of disturbed sleep. We’re just permanently tired! One thing tho, she has a stair gate on her door so physically can’t get into us, we have to go to her. If she’s had a really bad dream and is upset she comes to our bed for the rest of the night but it means one of us has to go to the spare room as our bed isn’t big enough and she wriggles/kicks. Can you do that thing where you go in and settle him but like you would a baby, no chat nothing exciting...

DarcyLewis · 30/05/2021 07:05

I’d put a mattress/ready bed on the floor by your bed and tell him he can sleep there so long as he doesn’t wake you.

DancesWithDaffodils · 30/05/2021 07:11

Forget about getting him dry at night. That is hormone controlled, not really trainable for, and will result is more night wakes. Take that off the agenda for now.

Nightwakings. Are you sure he has recovered from the tonsillitis? If you are sure about that, try talking to him. Explain you want to sleep all night, and you need his help by him just resting in bed if he wakes before morning. Does he know when its morning - some form of colour change clock or something? I shouted at our then 2.5 year old with something similar to the above after one particularly horriffic night and he didnt disturb us (for the first time ever) the following night. It's not always been perfect, but it made a massive difference. We are now 10 years down the road from that now, and while he often still doesnt sleep through the night, he doesnt get me out of bed (I still hear him then roll over and go back to sleep)

TheoMeo · 30/05/2021 07:14

Antibiotics are supposed to destroy gut bacteria. Can you give him some probiotics to improve that.
Just keep returning him to bed - time and time again. Not in an angry way just so he eventually gives up getting up, or is so exhausted he sleeps.

GLTM · 30/05/2021 07:16

It's difficult isn't it. I feel for you all.

Could he still be a bit unwell?
How does he go to sleep first thing at night? If he self settled he's more likely to the rest of the night.

It may just be temporary due to being unwell. Otherwise it might be worth seeing a sleep consultant. We're using one for our baby, it's still challenging due to colds (toddler at nursery), but it's been a huge help reducing constant wakings which is better for us all

Good luck

Gunpowder · 30/05/2021 07:19

Deworm him.

starrynight21 · 30/05/2021 07:21

he continues to get up and knock on our door and cry at the door

You're not getting any sleep this way. How about leaving the door open and putting a mattress on the floor of your room. He is old enough to understand if you tell him that you need your sleep, and that if he wants to be near you he has to lie down on the mattress and sleep there, without waking you up.

Original poster

Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 07:24

It is so tiring isn’t it. My DH has decided that DS waking once a night is how he is now but I’m not convinced. It’s not like he’s never slept through but he is older with a more active mind now so who knows. Each child is different but all I know is I cannot keep having broken nights as it’s affecting mine and DH’s relationship as we are both so tired.

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 07:27

I think this might work - anything is worth a try! The knocking on the door in the night is soul destroying. And he gives a real big knock like the Amazon delivery driver!

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 07:28

Did that a few months ago on a whim as he was having a good itch most days! Do you know how often you can do it?

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 07:33

I just tried saying this to him and he said he wants to sleep in my room with me and not daddy! What does this mean separation anxiety? Mattress on our floor maybe might work for the time being

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User24689 · 30/05/2021 07:34

My 3.5 year old doesn't sleep either, but never has. I am permanently exhausted! I Think it's easier to find ways to go with the flow. Knocking on the door does sound soul destroying. We keep both our door and his door ajar and he calls for me and I go in. Usually a quick pat and he goes back to sleep but if not I get into bed with him and give him a cuddle and we usually both end up falling asleep there til morning! No, it isn't ideal but 3.5 years in we have tried everything, being gentle, being firm, different routines etc etc and the fact of the matter is he just wakes frequently and feels sad when he's alone in he middle of the night.

If your son doesn't usually wake and it's a recent thing I reckon he will go back to sleeping through so find an easier way to get through it for now. Good advice from pp to try the probiotics and worm him in case it's that.

AntiHop · 30/05/2021 07:36

Let him sleep in your room or your bed. As adults, we like to sleep close to someone we love. Why shouldn't children.

Original poster

Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 07:37

I’m been considering a sleep consultant. He’s usually so tired he falls asleep while I’m reading his book in bed but I try to wake him to say goodnight before I leave the room. I wondered if this could be the reason as he falls asleep as he has the lamp on and me there reading then wakes up in the dark with his nightlight - we have a globetrotter clock with the sheep that is asleep then ‘wakes up’ in the morning. I’m going to test if he sleeps any better when DH puts him to bed as he usually doesn’t go straight to sleep and gets up a few times etc

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anxietyanonymous · 30/05/2021 07:54

My son was doing this around this age and i was heavily pregnant. Ex h slept like he was in a coma so never heard any of it. I was exhausted so was strict. As mattress on the floor was not for us with a newborn imminent.

I was going to suggest grow clock. You already have similar. If its possible weeing is whats waking him up but he isnt ready to articulate it-could you take him for a sleepy wee when you go up to bed. It might at least give you a longer chunk of sleep. As he will be more settled.

I think in the end i refused to get out of bed if he came in. So perhaps leave your door ajar so he can get in. Mine would say 'mum i need a wee'-ok then darling have one and get back in bed. I didn't even give it the attention of a return to bed. It he can get out he can get back in. Always calm and no shouting. Just disinterested because it was nightime as oppose to angry. I found when he got zero attention there was nothing to get up for. He otherwise got bags of attention during the day and is my world: i felt at 3.5 my child was old enough to know what we expected.

We also reward charted it/incentivised
It. If he stayed in bed all night without disturbing anyone-treat. Had to do it several times in a week for a big
Treat.

Gunpowder · 30/05/2021 08:16

‘Did that a few months ago on a whim as he was having a good itch most days! Do you know how often you can do it?’

I deworm my DC lots. At least once a term. Obviously if they are itchy but also if their sleep is disturbed for more than a couple of nights for no obvious reason/they are wetting the bed more than usual. If you haven’t done it for a few months I’d think about it as it could be a straightforward fix. Apparently 40% of kids under 10 have threadworms at any one time - so it’s not unlikely - and I think they affect some children more than others.

Original poster

Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 08:45

We’ve tried saying his sister is in her big girl room and he needs to be a big boy and stay in his room as we don’t want to create bad habits and offered rewards but nothing has worked.

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 08:49

I’m OK with this but DH doesn’t want to create a habit that we can’t get him out of which I also understand. He slept with me for the first 7 months but he started to play in the night and not go to sleep - thinking back this is where his troubles with sleep started! But was better when he went into the crib in his own room. DH has suggested sleeping on the landing outside of his room to be able to tell him to go back if he gets up this week while he’s on half term. Not sure what this will do but it’s worth a try before we put the mattress in our room

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 08:50

That’s good to know and I know in other countries they do this regularly also. I’m going to the chemist to get some more over and give it a try. Thank you

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Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 08:52

I will get some probiotics thanks for the tip.

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Crowsaregreat · 30/05/2021 09:00

I don't think it would hurt to talk through the move a lot with him, even read books about it or make models and pictures and provide lots of reassurance that very little will change and you'll all still be there.

I went through a phase of night terrors when younger in anticipation of moving house, it's a lot for a kid to get their head around and completely out of their control. You could give him an aspect of the move he can control, like planning what pictures he wants on his new wall or something.

User0ne · 30/05/2021 09:11

I don't know any adults (or teenagers) who sleep with their parents so I don't think you need to be worried about habit forming.

There's loads of brain development going on at this age and disturbed sleep is a normal part of that. Ie its a phase.

If dc needs a cuddle and it's making you tired getting up, staying up and then trying to go back to bed just go with the flow. If he wakes one of you goes through and sleeps in with them. Or let him in with you. Or continue to fight it and be knackered.

Original poster

Starlight17 · 30/05/2021 09:15

We used to leave the door ajar and he would walk straight in and wake us up but not for any particular reason, or he would start playing next to my side of the bed! We closed the door because he’s next door and we can hear him but it stopped him coming straight in but now he’s doing this loud knocking! When we open the door he runs back to his room and into bed, then does it all over again on a bad night. I will try these suggestions but if none work then it might be time to speak to our GP. He’s otherwise bright, has an excellent memory and is a happy boy, other than being obviously tired in the afternoons and more quick tempered (due to lack of sleep). I lavish him with attention when we are together, both DH and I work full time and he’s at preschool but loves it there. We will be spending lots of time together this half term with DD so let’s see how he is.

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