Help me get through the 4 month regression!

[theresstardustinmyhead]

DS2 is 16 weeks old and has suddenly become really unsettled at night. Prior to this he was regularly doing 5-6 hour stretches with just one feed. He's now waking what seems like hourly

I know they say it's a phase and it will pass but I believed that with DS1 and he ended up stuck in the 4 month regression until we sleep trained him (Ferber) at a year. I can't afford to be that sleep deprived again with two of them so really hoping someone can give us some tips on how to get through this.

I've included as much detail as I can think of about his sleep set up and our routine.

Nighttime

• bedtime routine starts at 6 with a warm bath, song, pjs and breastfeed. I then try to put him in his snuz pod awake but sometimes he's fallen asleep whilst being burped. If this happens he usually wakes with 10 mins and I put the dummy in, rub his tummy and sit next to him on the bed until he falls asleep. Not usually asleep until close to 7.30.
• sleeps in a snuz pod next to my side of the bed
• wears a love to dream swaddle (going to need to wean him off this soon when he starts to roll)
• has a dummy but this is causing some problems now. It doesn't just fall out when he's in a deep sleep (this was the case up until about two weeks ago), it falls out because he's grunting or flailing around and we then have to put it back in, or it gets stuck under him which he finds uncomfortable. Last night I was replacing it every 20 mins or more at points.
• went from going to bed at 7.30, waking once around 2/3am and up for the day at 6 to waking at 1am & 4am (fine, manageable) to waking at least every 2 hours with several dummy replacements in between.
• room is pitch black and we play white noise.

Day time

• very unsettled baby due to suspected silent reflux and MSPI
• exclusively breastfed but awaiting some special formula on prescription that I'm up for trying it I can get him to take a bottle
• morning and afternoon naps are on me or in the sling due to nursery runs / me being unable to spend ages upstairs settling him in his cot while toddler rubs riot downstairs, but recently we've been managing one lunch time nap of anywhere from 20 mins - 2 hours in his cot while toddler also naps. Refuses to sleep downstairs in sleepyhead, bouncer etc... just screams until he's picked up and often carries on even then.
• trying not to feed to sleep for naps but sometimes it happens.

Is there anything I can do to help him (and me!) get through this? How do I get him to settle without feeding every time (which is what I've ended up doing recently)?

Thank you x

How do I get him to settle without feeding every time (which is what I've ended up doing recently)?

Move all of your feeds away from sleep time, where possible. So in the daytime, arrange your routine so he wakes up hungry and you give a full feed when he wakes from a nap. That way during his floor time (activity time) if he cries you know it isn't hunger and so go straight for a nap, without feeding at all.

Obviously nights are harder to seperate feeding and sleeping but you can help this by moving all/most his calories to the daytime. It's not unusual for calorific need to increase by 25% st 4 months. It's easier to see this increase when bottle feeding so you may not notice when breastfeeding. But if you can accommodate all of those extra calories in the daytime, then you can be confident they aren't needed at night. Then comfort and resettle, rather than feed.

It doesn't just fall out when he's in a deep sleep (this was the case up until about two weeks ago), it falls out because he's grunting or flailing around and we then have to put it back in, or it gets stuck under him which he finds uncomfortable.

This is baby getting stuck in a light sleep, not getting into a deep sleep as he was previously. (That's a normal part of this regression, nothing you've done wrong).

You need to help him a bit more, for a bit longer. The grunting and flailing around mean if he is sleeping, it's light sleep, he could also be partially awake do not aslerp at all. So through this phase keep the dummy rubs or patting going (or whatever you do to comfort) and help him keep the dummy for comfort sucks until through to a deep sleep.

Also look at the underlying cause of more light sleep and less deep sleep. It is usually yo do with either lack of calories and so hunger (see above point re calorific need increase) or cumulative sleep deprivation over the last 24/48 hours, causing restlessness. In your case could also be pain/discomfort from digestive allergies.

For the dumny going under his body, you could consider sewing a short ribbon (No longer than reaching his ear) onto the chest of his sleeping bag/swaddle. This keep a dummy handy, helps you find it in the dark and stops baby rolling on it.

Thank you @FATEdestiny! I knew you'd be along with some excellent ideas.

All of that makes complete sense. Once we get the formula, I might try doing a few top ups as I'm not convinced he always gets enough from me with the fussing.

I will also try the EASY method - definitely didn't do that with my first. Problem is, work nursery runs and running DS1 around everywhere sometimes the timings just don't work in our favour. But I'll try and break it where I can. In the night, when he wakes, should I be offering milk every time or not? Maybe just stick to roughly a 1am and 4am feed and settle in other ways the rest of the time?

Dummy suggestion is brilliant, thanks. I might use a dummy clip but fasten it low down ok his sleep suit then pull it out the top of his sleeping bag/swaddle so only a few inches of ribbon are accessible. Do you think that would be ok?

1 more question. I need to transition him out of his swaddles and into a standard sleeping bag. The swaddles I've got have these clever zip off arms so you can do it gradually. I tried letting one arm out the night before last and it didn't go well - he wouldn't go down and I ended up zipping it back on. Would you wait until things settle down to try again or just bite the bullet while things are rough anyway?

Thank you again!

If at all possible keep the swaddle going through this sleep regression phase. It's already a tough sleep transition and the swaddle is another tool at your disposal to make it a bit easier. So unless baby is actively rolling, I wouldn't be in too much of a rush just yet.

Dummy clip is a reasonable idea. The clip bit of the dumny clip might be a bit uncomfortable going forward, if baby does roll onto it. There is the obvious caveat that any kind of cord is a strangulation risk to manage.

Regarding night feeds, by 4 months I would stop automatically feeding at every wake. My first action on baby waking would always be dummy reinsert and try to resettle - only feeding if resetting isn't working. Ie, feed as a last resort, not a first action.

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@FATEdestiny

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I think so too!

Amazing, that makes sense.

Feel a lot more confident going into tonight so thank you so much!

So I failed at the first hurdle

He settled well at 7.15, better than the previous few nights, but then woke exactly an hour later while I was on a zoom call with friends. DP went up a few times to put the dummy in but it wasn't working. By about 8.45 he was full on screaming, I went up and DP had him out of the cot lying on the bed saying he wouldn't settle. I tried soothing with a cuddle, put back in the cot and stroked his tummy but he was just getting more and more irate so I shoved a nipple in his mouth. All is calm now, he's back asleep on his cot... but for how long. I can't believe I fed him back to sleep and it's only just gone 9pm!

Hello, hope you dont mind me jumping in on your post! Currently have a 4.5 month old going through the regression too, and am breastfeeding. I thought I'd cracked it tonight, went to sleep by himself in cot no dummy no crying. Lasted 40 mins!! Was then up 5 times in less than 2 hours. Ended up lifting him and bringing him to living room thinking he could sleep on me. Wouldn't settle either so ended up feeding him. Back upto cot and hes asleep, but like you for how long!! Don't feel like a failure-when you are so tired you just do what you can!! No idea how you are coping with a toddler too - im in awe of parents with more than one!!! Hope baba sleeps better for you 🙏🤞

Thanks @wanlang - we had a good night in the end! After his feed at 9 he slept well until 3, fed again then down until 5.30. Tried to feed and resettle after that but he was ready for the day by 6. I hope your night was ok?

@FATEdestiny I'm in a pickle! He managed a nap in his cot this morning for about 25 mins (this was at 7.30 having been up since 6). I tried to resettle him as he was clearly still tired. He wasn't having it so I got him up, fed and now he's fallen asleep on me! I guess I should've tried harder to resettle? But toddler was downstairs alone so I couldn't spend too long stroking / patting.

This is HARD!

I don't think cot naps work when you have other children, certainly for an under 6 month old until naps are consistantly longer.

Specifically because of the need to resettle. Naps in something that moves (bouncer, pram etc) are a far better idea. You need independant settling sorted for these to be effective. The fact that your baby just screamed when you last tried naps downstairs will be more to do with baby still needing feed to sleep rather than an issue with the bouncer.

You won't get better daytime sleep with baby napping in the cot at this age. You really won't. It'll probably be worse and certainly much more difficult to achieve with a toddler.

Ah ok thank you, I'll bear that in mind. We don't have a pram that he can do in at the moment - when we're out he goes in the sling and toddler in the 6+ pushchair. We could give the bouncer another go though.

Thank you for all your help and advice!