18month sleep regression and newborn baby

[Mango1233221]

Help, my son is 17 months old and was having problems sleeping coming up to my birth of our little girl, I had to stay in hospital one night and that was the first night he stayed away from me and from home he also missed his nap ever since (2 weeks later) he is refusing to sleep screaming crying making himself sick, he won't nap and he won't sleep at night after hours and hours of trying to get him to sleep, this is us leaving him to cry, rocking standing over his cot, bringing him downstairs until he falls asleep watching something which I know is a bad habit ) he usually wakes up within a hour and then refuses to go back down me and my partner are exhausted, along with having a new born, he is so tired during the day he is so wingey and crys at everything, what can we do to help him, we have tried everything, last night he took 4 hours to fall asleep woke up twice but went straight back to sleep then he woke uo at 12 am after 3 hours then refused to sleep till 4am, then woke up at 6 and wouldnt go back down, he's refused his nap all day , please help

You have to be mega consistent in your approach at this age. One of you will need to conmitt to staying with DS for all of his naptime and bedtimes. Should only take a week of this taking a long time, if done consistantly.

Set your expectations:

• he must lie down at sleep time
• he must be quiet at sleep time
• he must lie still at sleep time

These are your only expectations. You cannot insist he sleeps, but boredom should achieve that. Develop a mantra that encompasses all if your expectations:

"Sleep time now. We lie still and quiet at bedtime. Nan night" repeat this a lot.

• put in cot stood up. Tap mattress, tell him to lie down. Wait. Praise when he does.
• bend into cot, hand in chest. Say mantra. Stand and wait by the cot, keeping an eye on him.
• and noise or shuffling around, respond immediately: "No. It's sleep time now...." Say mantra. Hand on chest to settle. Stand and wait.
• any movement to stand up, respond immediately. "No. It's sleep time now... Say mantra. Tap matress, tell him to lie down. Start again.
• if he refuses to lie down, pick him up and immediately stand him on floor by the cot. Hand to his eye level. Repeat mantra with sturn face. Follow with "You were not lying down. You must lie down". Repeat mantra again. Start from beginning, put into cot stood up, tap mattress, tell him to lie down, hand on chest. Say mantra. Stand and wait by the cot.

Repeat over and over and over and over again. Complete and total consistency is vital.

Will he nap in the buggy ?
If he needs a day nap do you have w double or a sling for baby ?

@FATEdestiny

You have to be mega consistent in your approach at this age. One of you will need to conmitt to staying with DS for all of his naptime and bedtimes. Should only take a week of this taking a long time, if done consistantly.

Set your expectations:

• he must lie down at sleep time
• he must be quiet at sleep time
• he must lie still at sleep time

These are your only expectations. You cannot insist he sleeps, but boredom should achieve that. Develop a mantra that encompasses all if your expectations:

"Sleep time now. We lie still and quiet at bedtime. Nan night" repeat this a lot.

• put in cot stood up. Tap mattress, tell him to lie down. Wait. Praise when he does.
• bend into cot, hand in chest. Say mantra. Stand and wait by the cot, keeping an eye on him.
• and noise or shuffling around, respond immediately: "No. It's sleep time now...." Say mantra. Hand on chest to settle. Stand and wait.
• any movement to stand up, respond immediately. "No. It's sleep time now... Say mantra. Tap matress, tell him to lie down. Start again.
• if he refuses to lie down, pick him up and immediately stand him on floor by the cot. Hand to his eye level. Repeat mantra with sturn face. Follow with "You were not lying down. You must lie down". Repeat mantra again. Start from beginning, put into cot stood up, tap mattress, tell him to lie down, hand on chest. Say mantra. Stand and wait by the cot.

Repeat over and over and over and over again. Complete and total consistency is vital.

This seems very harsh and cold towards a child who is still a baby himself and has just gained a new sibling 😞

It's not meant to be cold. It's all about compassion and care while you stay with him. Not ignoring him or not caring - the complete opposite in fact.

But it is about being firm. Very firm in fact. Behaviour issues around sleep when you get to toddler age need very firm boundaries and expectations.

I would strongly disagree that being firm in your boundaries and expectations is harsh though. I would say the opposite- toddlers thrive on it.

@FATEdestiny

It's not meant to be cold. It's all about compassion and care while you stay with him. Not ignoring him or not caring - the complete opposite in fact.

But it is about being firm. Very firm in fact. Behaviour issues around sleep when you get to toddler age need very firm boundaries and expectations.

I would strongly disagree that being firm in your boundaries and expectations is harsh though. I would say the opposite- toddlers thrive on it.

It just sounds quite harsh I think the words ‘firm’ and ‘stern’ and hand to eye level etc and I think at 18 months old it may just be too much for a baby. Perhaps an older child 2.5-3 may benefit from a rigid structured repetition like this but I’m not sure an 28 month old with a new sibling would

Each to their own I guess

*18

I think bending to eye level when talking to a toddler (as opposed to speaking down to them, literally) is considered good parenting. Likewise the use of tone of voice to. Obviously this is coupled with very kind, compassionate and engaging tones of voices used at other times.

Each to their own indeed. I know that understanding and being able to follow instructions comes way before the ability to replicate the language. An 18 month old can absolutely understand clear and simple boundaries.

@FATEdestiny

I think bending to eye level when talking to a toddler (as opposed to speaking down to them, literally) is considered good parenting. Likewise the use of tone of voice to. Obviously this is coupled with very kind, compassionate and engaging tones of voices used at other times.

Each to their own indeed. I know that understanding and being able to follow instructions comes way before the ability to replicate the language. An 18 month old can absolutely understand clear and simple boundaries.

Oh I absolutely agree with talking to a child at eye level

I’ve not known many 18 month old who could understand that much though and I doubt in this case an overtired toddler with a new sibling will be that receptive

I've come across lots of young toddlers with this level of understand in my work as a sleep consultant, most in fact. So hopefully my advice will be helpful to the OP. Maybe not and your suggestion of pram/sling naps might be better.

We are both here to help the OP rather than argue that someone else's opinion is wrong. I agree to disagree with you on the toddler understanding thing.

Peace and love.

100% agree with Fate. My little boy has been through a couple of phases like this. Toddlers are smart and manipulative. As soon as you take them out/ go downstairs etc they know that when they cry that's what will happen and so it's a vicious cycle. You need to consistently show them that bed time is just that. No other options available. They soon realise they can't get their own way.