Anyone else’s baby use you as a pacifier?

[Hope54321]

Hey guys,
My baby wakes up if I break the latch so I end up letting him use me as a pacifier. It’s the only way we both get sleep. Does anyone else’s baby do this?

Lots of babies do this.

Does he have a dummy? That might be the answer.

@NuffSaidSam

Lots of babies do this.

Does he have a dummy? That might be the answer.

He spits the dummy out unfortunately

The majority of babies take comfort from sucking - it's nature's way to calm and sooth a baby.

I second the dummy.

Not all babies take to a dummy easily, but there are ways to persevere and work at getting it accepted, if that is something you would consider?

How old is your baby?

My MIL always said ‘he’s using you as a dummy’ but I never found it a helpful way to look at it. He’s following his instincts. Feeding lying down can help. At some point they sleep through breaking the latch.

It’s the other way round, they use dummies as a poor substitute for their mums! Poor you OP, is it getting sore? He’ll grow out of it, I’d keep at it with trying to put him down.

@breadbinbaby

It’s the other way round, they use dummies as a poor substitute for their mums! Poor you OP, is it getting sore? He’ll grow out of it, I’d keep at it with trying to put him down.

I was just about to post the same. Yes it's the other way around, it won't last forever. Are you getting sore? If not enjoy the cuddles and be assured that this is perfectly normal

Oh OP i came here to post the same thing. My 4.5 month old does this. I get so sore as she pulls and gums. If I try to unlatch her she just cries.

It makes nap time a nightmare because I have to hold or side feed her. Often if I unlatch she only sleeps for another 10 min or so.

I then have to deal with a cranky baby.

And I'm the only one who can get her to sleep. Patting, shushing, rocking etc just make her cry and cry.

Sometimes if she is dead asleep the finger under the chin method works. You unlatch and gently hold your index finger horizontally or vertically under the chin for a few seconds (works best if baby has nothing like a bib obscuring access to the chin) I find horizontally just under the lower jaw works. The method puts baby's tongue against the roof of their mouth so the feel like they still have something to suck.

I honestly find it maddening and like it is contributing to my PND. I get so touched out I want to scream.

I am beginning to want to stop breastfeeding in case it breaks the feed-suckle-sleep cycle which makes me feel so sad.

I wonder if doing cry it out in my arms would teach DD not to do it?

Yes not to criticise you or what you are dealing with, but I loathe this phrase. Baby is showing healthy attachment behaviour to get needs met. It is the pacifier that is the substitute for that. It’s hard work though!

@Undersnatch

Yes not to criticise you or what you are dealing with, but I loathe this phrase. Baby is showing healthy attachment behaviour to get needs met. It is the pacifier that is the substitute for that. It’s hard work though!

I would not actually mind if he could nap without needing me to lie next to him so he can stay latched on. I don’t mind during the nights, but do mind during the day time as no one else can put him down for naps. I do all the cooking, cleaning and chores in my house so a bit difficult to keep on top of things.

I do all the cooking, cleaning and chores in my house so a bit difficult to keep on top of things

Ah, there’s the problem. Not with a clingy newborn you don’t! Tell your partner to pull his finger out!

How old is your baby Hope54321?

Do you want ways/to help your baby to sleep independently (without you)?

Or ways to make life easier while you attachment parent?

@wigglerose

Oh OP i came here to post the same thing. My 4.5 month old does this. I get so sore as she pulls and gums. If I try to unlatch her she just cries.

It makes nap time a nightmare because I have to hold or side feed her. Often if I unlatch she only sleeps for another 10 min or so.

I then have to deal with a cranky baby.

And I'm the only one who can get her to sleep. Patting, shushing, rocking etc just make her cry and cry.

Sometimes if she is dead asleep the finger under the chin method works. You unlatch and gently hold your index finger horizontally or vertically under the chin for a few seconds (works best if baby has nothing like a bib obscuring access to the chin) I find horizontally just under the lower jaw works. The method puts baby's tongue against the roof of their mouth so the feel like they still have something to suck.

I honestly find it maddening and like it is contributing to my PND. I get so touched out I want to scream.

I am beginning to want to stop breastfeeding in case it breaks the feed-suckle-sleep cycle which makes me feel so sad.

I wonder if doing cry it out in my arms would teach DD not to do it?

This makes me so sad, please don't let your baby 'cry it out' you can't 'teach' them not to do something they are not in control of. Your baby needs comfort and their comfort is you. Enjoy the closeness, bask in the bond, drink it all in because it's over before you can blink.

@FATEdestiny

How old is your baby Hope54321?

Do you want ways/to help your baby to sleep independently (without you)?

Or ways to make life easier while you attachment parent?

He’s 18 weeks old. Oh yes would definitely love for him to sleep independently.

My daughter did this. Learning to bf her in the sling worked wonders as she slept while I wandered about doing the chores

The 'flutter sucking' at the end of a feed is actually an important part of a feed- breast milk changes throughout a feed to being thirst quenching , fairly thin and easy to swallow at the start (like a glass of squash) to the thicker, high fat and calorie milk at the end (like double cream) - babies can't drink this quickly they drink this much more slowly but it's really important they get this part of the feed to keep them full . The 'dummy sucking' is a bit of a myth and cutting this short can be where bf babies end up seeming hungry and feeding issues can start.

@mummyopoly it makes me sad too but I've been lying down with DD trying to grt her to sleep for 30 min now while she flutters away. She does it for HOURS.

[quote wigglerose]@mummyopoly it makes me sad too but I've been lying down with DD trying to grt her to sleep for 30 min now while she flutters away. She does it for HOURS.[/quote]
So did my DS, just remember that this part of being a baby doesn't last forever, can you lie back and rest, enjoy the bond, read a book?

@wigglerose @Hope54321 I am in this exact position with my 13w old now! Would love to know how you overcame this…..? :)