Need help! Baby won't sleep in cot.

[krazipan]

My baby is 11 weeks old. She has 4-5 hour naps a day and sleeps approx 10 hours overnight waking once for a feed.
The problem is she will only sleep on a human! We cannot seem to put her down in the cot for love nor money!
Please help...

Is this your first child? Because it's not unusual for FTM to have this idea that babies are just put down and go to sleep, just like that, and dont realise just how much hard work, time and forethought goes into making that happen.

You need to give your baby a lot of help to be able to sleep independently. If you're assumption is along the lines of baby doesn't just quietly go to sleep when placed in the cot/crib, therefore my baby won't sleep independantly then really the only problem is your expectations. It's never easy, for any baby or any family.

Some things that make it easier for baby to sleep independantly:

• Sucking. Natures way to sooth and calm baby to sleep. The independant way to allow for sucking to sleep is the dummy.
• Movement. Gentle, consistent, even tempo swaying.
• Going to sleep where they stay asleep. So not being put down once asleep, but starting off in the place they stay.
• Swaddle. Recreates womb-like conditions and the sensory deprivation helps calm the startle reflex.

These together, the ideal for independant sleep is baby going to sleep in something that moves - pram for example. With a dummy and swaddled. Baby put in there awake and lulled to sleep with rhythmic, even back and forth movements (this ideal is therefore on-the-spot pushing, rather than being out for a walk when the movements are less even).

Another option is naps in the bouncy chair. Park yourself on the sofa with baby at your feet. Use your foot to bounce evenly and reinsert dummy as needed. Keep movement going for about 10 minutes after falling asleep then slow and stop. Restart at first signs of stirring awake, to try and resettle.

If you want cot naps then you need to work on getting aby to go from awake to asleep in there. You can't use movement because cots are static. So will need to add extra layers of support to help baby go to sleep. So try: Swaddle, dummy, white noise, and patting to sleep. The dummy is necessary otherwise baby will cry. Baby wants to be put down awake and ready for a nap, but not over tired and not almost asleep already.

This is absolutely normal. Baby is still brand new and has spent 9 months just about as close as they can get with you, all they want is the warmth, love and security of you.
All PP tips above are great and agree completely that it takes alot of trial and error to see what combination works for you both. Swaddling and rocking in the pram worked great for me and also using a sling if I needed to get stuff done but alot of the time I was glad of the excuse to surrender and cuddle up on the couch with DD, read books and watch TV.

Thanks both. She is actually my second baby but my first was able to be put down. I have no problem with contact naps etc but the night time is becoming untenable. My husband spends the first half of the night holding her and then we swap. I appreciate she is still very little but I would like to work towards sleeping next to my husband again.
She won't take a dummy despite me trying. The problem with her sleeping on us is that neither of us can sleep like that. I'm not adverse to the idea of co-sleeping but it's not safe to for us to sleep with her on us. Every time we put her down she wakes in seconds and gets very upset.

I'll have a look. Thank you @MamaGSC

Sorry I assumed it was your first 🤦🏼‍♀️ I was just thinking back to my night times and for the first 6 months mine slept in the pram at night. She didn't seem to like all the space in the cot. She ended up getting too long for the pram so I had to put the pram base in the cot for a period then we graduated to the cot with bumpers (the flat type not the roll type). Took quite some time but we got there in the end! Just an idea in case it might be that. Hope you get sorted 🙂

Thank you @Elzibells I'll try the pram. She did fall asleep eventually in the pram yesterday.
I have tried swaddling her but she didn't seem to like it. It was when she was very young though so I'll give it another try now.

Argh, it's hard!

These might help:

• Warm the cot sheet with a hot water bottle before putting her on there (obv take water bottle away!)
• Put something that smells of you nearby or under sheet in cot
• Wait quite a long time before attempting to put her down so she's deeply asleep
• Do a ridiculously slow and careful put down where you keep your arms round her for a while and slowly move away
• Consistent bedtime routine
• Associations like smell or sound in the room

I managed to get mine to sleep next to me instead of on me in the following way:

Hold baby in the crook of your arm, against your body, sitting in bed.
Gradually lower yourself so you're lying on your side, baby still in the crook of your arm.
As you lie down, lower baby onto the mattress, with your arm still around them.
Position yourself so you're on your side, baby lying next to you, between your body and your arm. I kept my arm around them, making contact so they didn't have that "shit why is no one touching me" reaction.

Over time you can move your arm away too.

Obviously all the safe co-sleeping guidance applies - no duvet, don't drink etc.

I found this gave me some sleep, and I was able to gradually able to reduce contact. Both of mine transitioned to a cot reasonably happily too.