Tips for coping when baby and toddler are both awake in the night

[AbstractHeart]

My 2 year old DS and 8 month old DD keep waking each other up , & dealing with two screaming kids in the middle of the night is stressing me out and resulting in everyone getting less sleep.

DS will only go back to sleep if I lie down with him on his bed. DD will only go back to sleep if I rock her. I can't do both of those at the same time and if I try to do one then the other kid screams and then no one is sleeping! Help!

Sleep training is your friend.

Bring them both into bed and judy roll with it. Trust me, before you know it they'll be 12 and mortified at the idea of talking to you, let alone giving you any affection!!

Where is your partner during all this? . Surely they can help.

Mine are 3 and 15 months now but I went through hell around the same ages as yours. One thing I found that worked was using a sleep noise aid like Olly the Owl. He has a white noise function that you can turn up really loud and it’s sensitive to baby crying (turns itself back on). I put DS to bed with it every night on it’s loudest setting (don’t worry they love the noise!) and it used to drown out most of elder DD shouting/crying before bedtime. Then if there was any noise during the night, my favour Olly would come back on and drown it out
They’re a bit older now and both better sleepers, thankfully!

*saviour not favour!

@loopyapp

Bring them both into bed and judy roll with it. Trust me, before you know it they'll be 12 and mortified at the idea of talking to you, let alone giving you any affection!!

DH wouldn't be pleased

@nettytree

Where is your partner during all this? . Surely they can help.

He needs his sleep for work

'he needs his sleep for work' and you don't need yours to care for two little ones? What does he think single working parents do or families where both parents work or just you know any parent that doesn't unilaterally prioritise their own uninterrupted sleep ? Your problem here isn't your children it's your partner. You could take one each when they're both awake and that's certainly what we will be doing when number 2 comes along if necessary. DH has been doing all our toddlers frequent night wakings over the last few months as I've been ill with HG. It hasn't stopped him being able to provide front line medical services to patients, night waking is part of being a parent, not something you can just opt out of because your job is oh so important.

Like pp, sleep training and some form of musical toy. If they can self settle that’s half the battle, the other half is making enough noise so they are distracted / don’t wake up by hearing the other one. Toddler loves his music toy abs won’t go to bed without it, and if he wakes up he shouts it to come back on. Baby is just getting used to his, more interested in watching the lights but at least it distracts him from crying until he falls back asleep

Stick them both in with you op.

Dh also needs to sleep for work (safety critical role), he sleeps in the spare room when working.

So if he needs his sleep for work, does that mean he does all the night waking on the nights he isnt at work the next day?

I agree your DH needs to step up and help out.
I have exact same ages as you - 2 year old and 8mo. We are currently sleep training the 8mo but she usually ends up in our bed about 1 or 2am tbh. We use white noise in each room which helps if one wakes up noisily. If I'm seeing to the baby the toddler is DH responsibility and vice versa (altho I usually take the baby because she settles better with me).

Can your DH lie with the toddler to help him go back rather than you?

@bubblebath62636

Stick them both in with you op.

Dh also needs to sleep for work (safety critical role), he sleeps in the spare room when working.

I think I'd be too worried about DD rolling off the bed (it's very high) or DS being too rough with her (I can't leave them unattended together atm)

DH gets up with one of them. Simple.
I was also back at work when both of my kids were 6 months old. I also worked evenings after the youngest was born, so if it was before midnight, DH was on his own with both of them. And had work the next day.

What does your dh do?

If you DH really can’t help, and you can’t co sleep then white noise could help a little bit but really you’re probably going to have to sleep train.

Sleep train.

Or DH cosleeps with DS in his bed - kills two birds with one stone, since DS will sleep better with a parent with him, and DH doesn't have to activly settle either child, just be present with DS.

Then you have DD in your room with you.

You husband has to step up.

Thanks for all your answers. I think short term DH is just gonna have to get up to deal with DS (I'm gonna point out that it makes more sense for him to just go lie with DS for 20 mins than for him to be listening to them both scream for an hour). & long term I'll try sleep training, will need to fully night wean her first though.

I wouldn't necessarily worry about night weaning (fully or partially) before starting the sleep training. In fact I think going for it with the sleep training on its own will help with night weaning anyway! As baby will learn to self settle and therefore waking will decrease anyway.

I haven't worried about night weaning at all when I sleep trained either DD. We have gone from 3 wake ups before midnight to zero - and at midnight I feed her back!

Everyone is different though - this is just my view. Good luck, I hope you get some sleep soon 🤞🏻