How to break a cycle of over tiredness

[LuckyFlash]

I have a 4 week old DS. At first he slept well - almost all the time during the day and then waking every 2-3 hours at night for a change and feed and then back down again.

In the last week I think he has got over tired because he has stopped sleeping practically all together. He naps for around 2 hours a day in very short bursts and the rest of the time he’s screaming. At night he will go to sleep ok at 8.30/9 after a routine of bath, quiet, darkness, feed, swaddle but when he wakes again 2 hours later he is impossible to put down and just starts screaming again. He’s a very noisy sleeper at night - grunting and snorting which sounds like he can’t breathe and this is often what wakes him up after he goes down in his Moses basket asleep from a feed.

For day naps I’ve tried his baby Bjorn bouncer which he hates, Carrying him in a sling which he hates, rocking him, holding him in all kinds of positions, singing, white noise, swaddling (which he only tolerates if his arms are not in the swaddle). Nothing works. And I’m getting stressed because I can’t do anything like eat or shower or clean or sleep myself because he cries so much. Although when I pick him up he fights me - wriggling and pushing me and scratching me so it’s not like he wants cuddles either.

I’m pretty sure he’s massively overtired at this point but I’ve no idea how to break the cycle unless he goes to sleep!

The only time he’s happy and sleepy is if he’s in the pram but I can’t be out walking 24/7.

Help!

Do you think he could have reflux? I'd talk to your HV or GP about the noisy sleeping and the crying/seeming uncomfortable.

In the meantime, is there anyone else who could take him out for a walk in the buggy so he can sleep/rest and you can get some time?

Will he sleep in the buggy in the house? If you sit and move the buggy with you foot/rock the buggy will he fall asleep then?

My first was like this. Agree with previous poster - look into reflux and cmpa. If they can't settle at this age there's often a reason. Please don't let yourself be fobbed off as an over anxious FTM xx

You don't mention a dummy? That may well be your saviour.

1. frequent buggy walks will help with overtiredness. As often and for as long as you can bear.

2. look into underlying causes of why he’s so noisy in sleep and what’s making him wake up so quickly after he goes down. In my DD’s case it was tongue tie (I thought it was reflux but actually was tongue tie causing similar symptoms).

Thank you For your suggestions. I don’t think it’s reflux as he doesn’t spit up a lot and feeds well/has put on a lot of weight.

@FATEdestiny I really hate dummies but must admit I have considered it if we don’t see improvement soon

@minipie how did you find out a tie was your DDs issue?

I’m going to walk him around in the pram as long as possible today!

It's worth unlocking why you don't like dummies. What's your priority here? Your (incorrect) assumptions about goodness-knows-what regarding dummies, or your babies needs?

■ Is it snobbery? ("I don't want a bit 9f plastic in my baby's mouth").
Used correctly a dummy is a sleep aid, not a tool for lazy parenting at any other time.

■ Is it teeth/speech?
Used properly a dummy is only used when baby is asleep so not making any sounds. It is also a tool for getting baby into a deep sleep and them drops out of mouth once baby is in a deep sleep. In a baby with good sleep hygiene, this takes about 10 minutes. 10 minutes in baby's mouth, that's all. The speech/teeth issues come from lazy parents who use a dummy all/most of the time rather than just sleep.

■ Is it because you think it's a hard habit to stop?
All of the dozens of other sleep related habits you develop (rocking to sleep, cosleeping, cuddling to sleep, sleeping on you) are all harder to break and far more distressing to break.

■ Is it because baby won't keep a dummy in the mouth?
Dummy isn't meant yo stay in baby's mouth once asleep - it's purely a way to help then relax to go from awake > light sleep > deep sleep. Then it falls out. Some babies also need some help in actively sucking (just like some babies need help to latch).

■ Is it because you don't think your baby needs any comfort to go to sleep?
This is a FTM error assumption and wrong. Sucking is nature's way to sooth baby. Movement also helps, as does that tight/secure feeling of being in the womb (recreated with a swaddle or cuddling).

■ Is it because you want to attachment parent long term?
This is a decent reason. If you are happy to cosleep and breastfeed to sleep long term, then you are your baby's total comfort and so baby won't need anything else. But this is a very big and very long term commitment.

Dummies are ACE.

They are the single best no-cry way yo achieve independant sleep.

LuckyFlash I found out about the tongue tie very late - 15 weeks or so. I had a massive milk supply (thanks to hospital pumps - baby spent time in NICU) so there was no supply issue or weight loss to highlight it. However by 10 weeks my nipples were shredded and latch was rubbish, she bobbed on and off and would need to be relatched several times per feed. And she was SO SO windy and hard to wind. I also had fast let down which made the wind worse. Eventually paid for a private lactation consultant who diagnosed.

On dummies, FATE I didn’t use a dummy because my baby spat it out and cried every time I tried. Perhaps I should have persevered (god knows I would have used anything that helped) but at the time I didn’t know babies can initially reject dummies and then grow to like them.

@minipie that sounds super familiar! DS manages to feed really well but has a very shallow latch and my nipples are still sore at 4 weeks. I’m going to look more into TT.

@FATEdestiny honestly, yes it’s snobbery - I think dummies look gross and they do have an association (rightly or wrongly) with lazy parents shoving a dummy in the babies mouth to shut them up. Thank you for taking the time to say what the positives are though, I’m going to consider it further

Dummies are also said to reduce the risk of SIDS, that's not to say everyone should use them because of that but it's an added bonus.

For what it's worth my daughter gave up hers voluntarily age 2, I didn't even have to ask her! So not all babies get addicted either.