14 month old only falls asleep being held

[Carbis]

I’m not actually sure if this is a big problem yet but I’m beginning to get weary of having him fall asleep on me for every nap and bedtime so think we might have to do something different.

My LO is 14 months old. Until he went to nursery at 12 months, he was falling asleep in his cot for naps and at bedtime. My partner or I would always be there, sometimes with a hand on his back, sometimes sitting beside the cot. After he started nursery, he’d get so upset when we put him in the cot that we fell into the habit of holding him to fall asleep, waiting 5-10 mins then transferring him to the cot. We thought it was overtiredness from nursery and/or missing him so thought we’d go with it until he got a bit more settled.

Nearly 2 months on, we are still doing it and it seems to take longer to get him to sleep and leave. He’s getting bigger and has to wriggle a lot to get comfy. I’m also 4 months pregnant so not I’m not sure how sustainable it is.

The thing is, more often than not, he sleeps through the night. So I don’t know whether to rock the apple cart and try to change things when it’s working, hoping that he’ll grow out of it. I do have a nagging concern that we can’t do this forever and it might start affecting his sleep.

Can anyone advise please?

You could do it gradually, so you don't rock the apple cart too much.

Start rocking until asleep then stationary in your arms for 15m and put row.

Then rock only when crying and still when calm (But awake) so he falls asleep stationary. Wait only 10m before in cot.

Rock only when first in arms, then slow to stationary cuddle to sleep. After 5 mins in to cot

And so on...

I guess we are lucky that we aren’t rocking, it’s just a cuddle (which is actually lovely!)

I’ve tried putting him into his cot after his story like I used to but he gets upset immediately. So you’re saying instead of going back to what used to work, we need to gradually reduce the amount of time we are holding him for? This probably sounds daft but should I time it and reduce it by a few minutes every few nights?

Yes to timing it. But no to having a time limit on how long you do that reduced amount for.

So if you're currently cuddling for 20 minutes then start cuddling for 15 minutes only (timed) and then put down and do some in-cot settling. You could do 18 mins initially if you want to be more gradual.

Some nights baby might go down and settle easily in the cot after 15 mins. Some nights he may not. You might need to pick up and start again on some occasions.

But over time, the idea that "good" nights where he goes down without fuss after 15 mins of cuddling are more frequent and "hard" nights where he doesn't are less frequent.

Once you have had a good long run of good night's and you feel like he is established on the reduced 15 minute cuddle, then reduce it to 10 mins (or 12 mins if you're being more gradual)

You may get an upsurge in hard nights again, but over time more good night's and fewer hard nights. Once established and most nights are good, reduce again.

Thank you, that’s so helpful. We are on holiday at the moment so will start when we get home.