How to break 5 month old’s feed to sleep association?

[MyCatIsADentist]

My son is 5 months old and (in case relevant) EBF. Until now, I have been feeding him to sleep at night and for most naps, as it’s the only way to reliably get him to sleep. He will sleep in the buggy, but only for 30-40 minutes and he wakes as soon as it isn’t in motion. Feeding to sleep has worked til now, but we are now getting regular nightly wake ups and I’m sure it’s because he’s falling asleep in my arms while nursing then waking up in his cot at some point after we’ve set him down.

I’ve tried to encourage independent sleep by getting him to sleep in the bouncy chair but it doesn’t work - however tired he is and however consistently I bounce it, he won’t sleep.

Without feeding, he simply doesn’t fall asleep. He will lie awake indefinitely, and ends up getting upset and crying before long.

He won’t take a dummy. I have tried 12 different kinds over and over again, but he spits them out instantly and ends up crying or frustrated if you keep trying.

For info, his routine is as follows:

He wakes very early - usually no later than 5:30am, often around 5am.

First nap between 7 and 7:30am depending on his wake time. Usually sleeps for 45 minutes or so.

Second nap around 10:30. Usually sleeps between an hour and an hour and a half.

Second nap around 2:30 / 3pm. Usually for an hour to an hour and a half.

We take him up to bed between 6 and 6:30 depending on when he wakes from his last nap. He has a bath, baby massage, pyjamas. I then feed him and he falls asleep quickly. We transfer him to the snuzpod. Usually he’s in the snuzpod by 7pm.

He will then sleep pretty soundly until around 3am, at which point he starts waking every 20-30 minutes needing resettled. Some nights he needs a feed, some nights just a cuddle. But he won’t fall back asleep in the cot, so every time we’re cuddling or feeding him to sleep and then setting him down.

I would love to move towards him falling asleep in the cot as I think it would help him stay asleep in the cot, but I’m at a loss for how to do this when he won’t take a dummy and won’t fall asleep on his own. I think he has a very strong sleep association with sucking, and I just have no idea what to do about it

Have a look at Millie Poppins on Instagram

He's napping too much in the day. Try the little ones app for timings. But I wouldn't bother forcing the fed to sleep thing. My ds is still fed ro sleep but sleeps through at 13 months.

Sounds exhausting. but he's still very young. We broke the feed to sleep connection around 8 months old when DH would offer water for overnight wake ups instead (don't do this to a 5mo obviously).

Also it looks like you can sleep from 8/9pm until his fussy time from 3am so for now you should have early nights (and go back to bed at 7am when he sleeps again)

I never really taught mine to self soothe, they eventually stopped feeding to sleep by themselves. What strikes me is you are getting a good stretch of sleep, just at slightly the wrong time. So he is linking sleep cycles earlier in the night.

One thing that can work is feeding until nearly asleep and then trying to do final settling in the cot. Have you considered co-sleeping from 3am? It might stop him being so restless. Or can you very gradually shift your routine so he sleeps later?

Could you unlatch baby slightly earlier in the feed to sleep cycle? So feed to a light sleep instead of a deep sleep, then do the very last bit of settling without sucking. That's obviously a very long-term journey to independant sleep, very slow and gentle. So set your expectations that you are a long way off independant sleep right now (unless you want to sleep train and can deal with the distress).

Habit stacking worked for us - look at Lynsey hookway on Instagram. Basically you layer extra habits on top of feeding, it’s taken months but we can now put our little boy in his cot awake and pat his bum and he’ll fall asleep. However I will say that I was under the impression that this was the holy grail of sleep but falling asleep in his cot has made no difference to his frequent night wakings and in the night only boob will do. But it means it isn’t just me who can put him to bed which has been really nice for me xx