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Sleep

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Original poster

19 month old STILL can't fall asleep on his own...any tips?

27 replies

Astrophe · 14/11/2007 22:08

He has never really been able to. If we leave him to cry he becomes hysterical. If we comfort and then leave he just cries again. We usually spend about 1/2 an hour going in and out, then finally give up, calm him down and then pat him off to sleep. This takes up to an hour at nap time and another hour at bedtime.

Once he is asleep he is usually fine (although he didn't learn to sleep through until about 13 months)

I have tried dropping his day nap, which works to an extent (he falls asleep far more easily at night) but means he is horrid all afternoon and falls asleep at 5.30 / 6pm, which means an early morning.

We have moved him into his sister's room, but it doesn't seem to have made any difference.

Maybe its just one of those things we can't change - if so, stories of children who eventually learned to put themselves to sleep would be much appreciated!

OP posts:

LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:11

Have you tried soothing music? Getting him 'attached' to a blnket or toy at all? DS (same age) is sometimes like this, but he has a tiger now he loves snuggling in to. Is he overtired at all? Sometimes it's better to put DS down when he is happy, I hear him playing and babbling for a while then he snuggles down and goes to sleep.

Original poster

Astrophe · 14/11/2007 22:15

He has never been a happy babble in the cot type unfortunately. Cries as soon as he wakes as well. We have tried the toy thing - he is very fond of his stuffed animals and cuddles up with them, but is still upset when we leave the room.

I don't think he is over tired, not when he has his day time nap.

Soothing music - we did try that when he was about 10 months with some improvement to the night waking, so perhaps we will try it again.

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LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:16

Would he be happier co-sleeping? Dunno how you would get him off though, apart from lie with him for a while.

MegBusset · 14/11/2007 22:20

Have you tried the gradual retreat method? Basically you start feeding/rocking/cuddling them til they fall asleep, then holding hands, then sitting by the cot, and gradually move further away from the cot.

TBH though if he still sleeps through then it sounds like it's not a HUGE problem, I'm sure he won't still need it when he's 18!

Original poster

Astrophe · 14/11/2007 22:21

He loves co-sleeping! But I'm not so keen, I don't sleep well with him in the bed. Unfortunately he is in a cot, so I can't lie in his bed and then sneak off. Maybe I will try bringing him into my bed and then moving him...only thing is I still BF in the mornings only (in my bed), SO i DON'T WANT TO GIVE MIXED MESAges, nor do I want to start feeding him at night again. Might try it though - we did stop the night feed about a month ago now.

OP posts:

Original poster

Astrophe · 14/11/2007 22:23

You're right, its not a HUGE problem (compared to middle of night waking), but its still 2 hours out of my day!

We have sort of been doing gradual retreat, but have not read the book - does it say anything useful, or is it enough to know the basic theory and give it a go?

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LadyOfWaffle · 14/11/2007 22:25

How about a bedside cot? Can have all your space, and he feels like he is co-sleeping. Or if you have one where the side comes off you can improvise maybe.

MegBusset · 14/11/2007 22:27

Can't recommend a particular book but this link seems to explain it quite well.

I had been vaguely following it with DS (8.5mo), seemed to be helping cut down the night wakings until he got ill a couple of weeks ago, now all bets are off!

Original poster

Astrophe · 18/11/2007 23:07

any other thoughts?

OP posts:

NappiesLaChristmasGit · 18/11/2007 23:17

astrophe

i want togive you details of when/how/what things changed etc... but truthis i cant remember... as soon as i get over one 'problem' or stage, i move onto the next and the anguish of now becomes the fuzzy memory of yesterday... but you know, that in itself is a little bit comforting, no??

ds2 was the worst of our 3 to learn to go to sleep. but i have never managed to do the leaving them to fall asleep alone thing with any of them tbh...

as time goes on, i do manage it mor or less... but i still tend to sit in the dark with them for a little while as they each drink a bottle and relax into sleepy mode. i put them all to bed at once, in the same room. often, i can leave before they are asleep, or before they are all asleep at least... but not always. they are 4, 3 and 22m.

with ds2, he was waking an avg of 4 times a night and screaming ofr milk till 15m. at which point it was Do Something Drastic time... we ended up getting a Night Nanny in. she 'cracked' him, in a gentle and humane way, in 4 nights. incredible really.

i am seriously considering getting her back in to try and get them to go to sleep without bottles as i think they are so bad for teeth (and ear infections apparently!)...

mostly, all i can offer is sympathy and empathy. if i had another baby tomorrow, or in 10 years, i still wouldnt have the fogiest idea how you 'put them down awake'. has always eluded me, that one.

mrsstresshead · 18/11/2007 23:27

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster

Astrophe · 18/11/2007 23:30

Thanks for the empathy - its the best I can hope for isn't it? I'm sure he will grow out of it eventually. He is ok once asleep (generally), its just that spending up to an hour an night sitting in the dark is not my first choice of activity!

Regarding the 'night nanny' - can you tell me about that? Not for myself, but for a friend who is really struggling with her DS night feeds.

Thanks

OP posts:

mrsstresshead · 18/11/2007 23:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Original poster

Astrophe · 18/11/2007 23:35

sigh. I have a friend who sits with the light on in her DDS room and reads her book - now that would be great. But there is no way DS would sleep with the light on!

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NappiesLaChristmasGit · 18/11/2007 23:36

night nannies

mrsstresshead · 18/11/2007 23:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

NappiesLaChristmasGit · 18/11/2007 23:41

yes, i sit in the dark every night and always have done now... since the night nanny came and got ds2 going to sleep that is, and i then put him in a bed in his brothers room. ds1 was a dream compared...

but yes, i sat in the dark every night, and it used to bug the hell out of me, till i came to actually enjoy the peace of that time... and of course, it got shorter and shorter... is now only about 10 mins, sometimes only 2.

so there is light at the end of that thar tunnel

joedar · 19/11/2007 00:12

I tried the nanny 911 method with my 2/11 she is that bit older so maybe it was easier but I saw them do it on the tv with a 2 yr boy. She had never fallen asleep in her own bed, ever! I would have to lie with her usually in my bed untill she was asleep.. one night had enough and told her enogh was enough into your own bed tonight, read her a story turned out the light and waited at the door, told her I'd wait there till she fell asleep, she cried for ages and kept coming out but each time I would lift her back, firmly ,with out eye contact but would rub her face, go out side and reassure her I was still outside and would be untill she was asleep, every now and again I would say I am still here, it was awful listening to her crying and distressed, but it worked,after almost 45 minutes she eventually gave in lay down and went to sleep! it was upsetting but in the long run has done her a favour, she now loves her bed and has no problem going to sleep in her own bed now. I stayed at the door for about a week of nights and every few mintues she would ask am I still there I would tell her i was gonna sit there and read my book which i did with the hall light, I think it reassured her that even though I was gone I was far away, now I just say I am going downstairs and I will back up in ahile and she is ok wiht that. What if you move a little from the cot each night for a week until you get to the door. Then wait at the door but let him know you are there. I would not cut his morning nap it may just make him overtired and it is very hard to fall asleep when you are over tired. Hope this helps! Good luck.

joedar · 19/11/2007 00:14

that meant to say not far away!!

slim22 · 19/11/2007 01:35

DS was a dream from day 1. would babble himself to sleep.

Then at about 2 years old started being clingy.
He's now 3.5 and he still won't sleep without me. To his defence I have to say we moved quite a bit in a short period of time (houses 4 times/ 3 countries & 2 continents).

If I try to leave him alone it take hours. If I lie down/sit next to him to read a story/stroke his back it's 5 to 10 mn and it makes us both more relaxed.

I don't see the point of making bed time such a drama when a 10 mn cuddle does the trick.
TBH it's such a precious moment, and soon it will be over.

Pbl is I now have n.2 on the way! Wil have to think of plan B so watching this space.

nappyaddict · 19/11/2007 02:49

do you wear perfume? if so could you spray his cuddly toy with it so he can smell you?

if you don't wear perfume i would recommend stuffing a muslin in your bra and letting it get your smell on it then giving that to him as a comforter.

i second putting the cot next to your bed and dropping one of the sides down aswell.

how does he go to sleep? ds will only go to sleep on his front or side - never his back.

can you feed him before bed so he is virtually asleep? (i see you don't want to bf at night so maybe with a bottle or beaker of milk perhaps?)

Original poster

Astrophe · 19/11/2007 14:31

There are no night nannies in our area

Thanks everyone. I will try bringing him into my bed and lying with him until he sleeps, then moving him. Also limiting his day nap to 45mins. He will not be impressed when I go up and wake him in 20 mins!

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 19/11/2007 14:53

is he in his own room??

Original poster

Astrophe · 19/11/2007 16:41

Yes. He was in our room until 8 months, then in his own until about a month ago when we moved him in with DD (3). We thought he might like the company, but he is no better.

OP posts:

nappyaddict · 19/11/2007 23:44

Do you think he would sleep better in your room ?

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