Help unshackle me from daytime naps!!!

[Tee20x]

Hi, first time posting on here & might be long so please bear with!

Since birth my 4 month old daughter has primarily contact napped in the daytime and I now want to move away from this! While it was ok in the beginning and I welcomed the rest, I have now got to a point where I don't want to be trapped beneath a sleeping baby & would rather use the time to complete other chores around the house freeing up her awake time for us to spend together playing etc.

I am wanting to try this now as my daughter has demonstrated that she may be ready to self soothe etc - she has on occasion been able to put herself to sleep by stroking her hair/sucking thumb - however this has been sporadic and unintentional. Further to this, we co-sleep & again sometimes on waking in the night, she has been able to go back to sleep herself after chatting away for about an hour or so. Because of this I am thinking that it's not a case of her not being able to self soothe, but that she has built up a sleep association of me rocking her = sleep.

I am wondering how to go about introducing her to day napping on her own. I have tried for a few days this week and have followed a routine of: nappy change, close blinds, white noise & shhh/pat. So that she doesn't get too distressed, I try for a max of 30 mins and if she still hasn't settled I pick her up for a cuddle. This has worked on 2 occasions and she has fallen asleep on her own in the cot. The first time was for 30 mins, the second for 1 hr 20 mins. However I have noticed that the times where I have had to pick her up, she goes to sleep instantly which makes me think that 95% of the work has been done in the cot and maybe I should just leave her there ???

At the moment I am trying for 1 nap a day alone and then will slowly increase these as I feel as if going for all the naps in one go may be too much for her - but I am wondering if this is a good idea and whether it may cause confusion ???

I am also wondering whether the whole thing may confuse her as I still breastfeed and co-sleep with her. Would she be able to distinguish between daytime sleep = cot alone and night time sleep = cosleeping?

I am a ftm so that may explain all of my questions! Any help/advice/experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks :)

An interim of naps in something that moves might be a better idea than going from contact naps to cot. Bouncy chair or pushchair pushed back and forth on the spot.

I would also suggest introducing a dummy in place of feeding to sleep.

Something that would be good to do now is to seperate feeding and sleeping. So feed baby when waking up from daytime naps, not when going to sleep. Similarly at night, always try to settle without feeding first, feeding only if you cannot settle with a dummy.

Thanks for your response @FATEdestiny, I had been trying to steer clear of dummy's due to the nightmareish stories of trying to wean them off - but it seems as if that may be the answer.

Just tried to put DD down again with same routine as outlined in OP - when sucking her finger/thumb she looked as if se was about to drift off but couldn't quite get there as crying interrupted the thumb sucking 😂.

Think I will persevere a while longer and then try her with a dummy.

If you're worried about weaning off, them thumb sucking is intimately worse. Getting rid of the dumny is easy peasy if you do it right.

As for nightmarish stories, those that end up trying to sleep train from rocking / feeding to sleep are the far more frequent issues. Bought about because parent wants independant sleep but didn't want to use the tools of independent sleep.

Infinitely*

Hi OP I also trapped under my ds, until about 7 months. Everytime I put him in cot he cried but I found that if i picked him up quickly before he got himself too woken up, got him back to sleep again and kept laying him down he eventually got it. Since then, I can do chores, cook and have a cup of tea it's a complete game changer!

However. He's 11 months old and I am still scratching my head about how to wean him off feeding to sleep though. He never took a dummy either. I'm tempted to try him with one again though because as @FATE says, it's a much more independent prop.

@FATEdestiny yes, I can see how the thumb sucking is defo worse, as after all you can remove the dummy but can't remove the fingers ha. The fact that the sucking motion can send her off to sleep is promising tho - will have to keep my fingers crossed that she will take the dummy.

@Bramblebutter I can imagine how freeing it must be when they are consistently able to sleep on their own! When my DD managed her nap of 1 hr 20 mins yesterday I almost didn't know what to do with myself it's so rare that I exist without a baby attached to me haha.

In the end, after my DD went off for her most recent nap I attempted to put her down after 20 or so mins but she woke up immediately! I'm so exhausted I think that's how I ended up contact napping in the first place - the fear of her waking up and having to start the whole process all over again.

I guess I will have to bite the bullet at some point! Better late than never

I would say waiting 20 mins might be too long? I'm really not an expert (luckily we have FATE!) But with DS, I wait til he's asleep, then give it another minute or two, to make sure he's not just snoozing, and then place him down. If I waited 20 mins and he woke up, I think he's just be up and refreshed then.

Of course, my advice is terrible really, because I'm telling you how I put down my sleeping baby. In reality, I want to put him down awake and let him fall asleep!

I hope you didn't just do house work for that 1hr20

@Bramblebutter really? That's news to me, shows how much I know haha - i always thought you should wait around 20 mins to ensure they are in a deep enough sleep?? But clearly it's not working for me!

Haha no, I made sure to have a cuppa 😬

Well it's just in my experience and what works for us. Alot of trial and error!

I hope I get something sorted soon though. I go back to work part-time next month, so bubba will have to sleep somehow and don't want to spring it on him eek

Btw there are lots of different dummies. We tried these really fugly tommee tippee ones that are supposed to be more nipple shaped. They have a hole in the back so you see in their mouths. Very odd!

[quote Tee20x]@Bramblebutter really? That's news to me, shows how much I know haha - i always thought you should wait around 20 mins to ensure they are in a deep enough sleep?? But clearly it's not working for me!

Haha no, I made sure to have a cuppa 😬[/quote]
You want the opposite.

The ideal is baby goes into the cot fully wide awake and go to sleep all done in the cot. Putting an already asleep baby in the cot will never result in good sleep hygiene - going to sleep where you stay asleep is important.

So the more awake baby is going in the cot, the better.

@Bramblebutter bless, I'm sure he will be fine! When I was pregnant I made sure to get a few dummies - think they are MAM? Incase of a crisis lol so will try these and see how I get on.

@FATEdestiny I know! The words drowsy but awake honestly haunt me :( I will persevere, I know she will get the hang of it eventually.

I find myself nap-trapped too OP, nearly 6 months in 😬 I feel like I’ve got myself stuck now, as holding her is the only way to keep her asleep for a decent chunk of time (and that usually takes work, bouncing and shushing) but then I don’t actually get that chunk of time because I’m sitting in the dark holding the baby 😖 I figured it was Ben other here nor there till 6 months as SIDS guidelines said I should be in the room with her for all sleeps anyway. But now we’re approaching 6 months and I’m starting to realise that just because I’ll be allowed to leave the room, doesn’t mean I’ll be able to... All this to say, I’m interested to follow your efforts and pick up any tips. And encouraged by @Bramblebutter’s experience. Maybe one day I, too, will be able to do chores again! 😹

Haha @BerthaYoung - as we speak I find myself beneath DD, and I too have numerous attempted wake ups which have to be met with shhing and patting - the only time I find she sleeps ok is when I am sleeping beside her! I'm thinking she may be in the 4 month sleep regression as naps have been a nightmare recently and I feel as if I am slowly losing the plot!

Today I gave in and tried her with the dummy - seemed to work and she slept for 25 mins on her own but then woke up and I couldn't get her back off to sleep :(

Tried her with the dummy again for bedtime but she just kept spitting it out! It's a novelty though so I think she's just getting used to it - or so I hope!

I long for the days when sleep will become easier!

Update: currently sitting next to a sleeping baby with a cuppa that's actually hot for once!

Still not quite there yet as i had to rock her for a bit before putting her down with her dummy & still patted her back until she eventually fell asleep but I feel it is progress none the less :)

That is great progress. Long may it continue.