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Original poster

2 year old awake half the night - am at my wits' end

16 replies

DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 08:55

Hello

Can anyone help? My DD1 (2.7) is sending me round the twist. We went on holiday 5 weeks ago and since returning her sleep has gone to pot. We had real trouble getting her to go to bed for about 3 weeks but moved DD2 into her (very small) room and put on a story tape. I have also gradually withdrawn and now spend about 15 minutes sitting with a mag in the hall as she falls asleep.

The trouble is that she won't stay asleep. I am afraid we were a bit useless and let her sleep with us for a couple of weeks, so I suppose it's our own fault. We have been trying the Supernanny back to bed technique (put back in bed, no talking after 3rd go, no eye contact etc) but it's killing me. On Mon night she was up between 10.50 and 4am, and last night a slightly more respectable 2 til 5.15am. Am shattered and must have put her back about 50 times. Lost my temper a couple of times too as I am so exhausted. DH helps but this is the second day he has gone to work without much sleep.

Last of all, poor DD is exhausted. Really pale with dark rings, she has trundled off to nursery looking shattered. What can we do to improve the situation? She wants me to hold her hand/ stroke her hair etc to get her off to sleep in the wee small hours, but surely if I do that then she will never sleep unless I am there? DH and I are falling out over it and I am such a useless bugger in the daytime it is a bit of a joke.

Should we persevere with what we are doing or does anyone have any ideas as to what we could do instead?

Thanks for reading this far.

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 08:57

Meant to say, we bought a stairgate to try to at least keep her in the room, but the doorway is too narrow for it (old house) so she can get in and out at will.....

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TheMadHouse · 14/11/2007 08:58

I can not offer any advice, but will watch this thread with great gusto, as my DS1 has been somewhat simlir since an illness a couple of weeks back. All he wants is to get in with mummy and daddy and it is killing me.

He is shattered and moody all day, I am les tolerent and DH is running on empty. He is 2.8

nailpolish · 14/11/2007 09:06

stupid questions

does she nap?

does she eat well? does she eat much before bed?

is she wearing a nappy at night?

is she crying whilst awake during night?

My2Weegirls · 14/11/2007 09:16

it does get better!

we had problems with DD1 a few weeks ago. partly to do with new baby arriving in august and partly to do with not wanting to pee in her nappy at night. it was very hard - up with new born then getting her settled then up with DD1.

she would scream, shout, want a drink/hungry/cuddle/pee - you name it she was coming up with any excuse.

what we've done and (fingers crossed) so far it still seems to be working is -

  • if she says she needs to pee we go to her and take her to toilet and put back to bed with minimum talking
  • anything else we basically ignore and tell her that we will not come into her room
-she must stay in bed and wait for us
  • put a digital clock in her room - it's not morningtime until the clock starts with a 6 - therefore she has to go back to sleep
-night light on if she's been up for a pee and going back to sleep.

it was hard - it took a week or so of some nights screaming for an hour (both her and me!) but so far it's been working.

the main thing i would suggest is whatever you decide be consistent (and make sure DH knows so that you both do the same thing) p- we had loads of arguements until we actually sorted out what we were going to do - obvious really but we were so sleep deprived and not thinking straight.

good luck

Original poster
DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 09:18

NP - she is giving up her nap. If we are out in the buggy, she falls asleep but that makes her worse at night. She won't nap at home in bed in the day.

She eats well and has a good supper and milk before bed.

She is in knickers in the daytime and nappy at night.

She is crying at night a lot, but it is angry crying as she is not getting her own way. Very difficult to listen to, though, poor child

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 09:18

NP - she is giving up her nap. If we are out in the buggy, she falls asleep but that makes her worse at night. She won't nap at home in bed in the day.

She eats well and has a good supper and milk before bed.

She is in knickers in the daytime and nappy at night.

She is crying at night a lot, but it is angry crying as she is not getting her own way. Very difficult to listen to, though, poor child

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My2Weegirls · 14/11/2007 09:22

dolly - DD1 was also in middle of giving up her nap as well, though some days she does still need one. i try and limit it to 30min and no later than 2pm otherwise she won't go to sleep.

reading back my post it sounds quite harsh

nailpolish · 14/11/2007 09:23

oh dear!

so its not becuase she not tired (nap)

its not because shes hungry

its not because she is needing the toilet (is she happy with nappy at night?)

and you cant just stay in bed and ignore her - because she is crying

sigh

its so difficult isnt it

my dd2 isnt very good at going to bed - she goes to bed same time as her big sister (730pm) but dd1 goes straight to sleep - dd2 gets her bedside light on and a book for half an hour. i turn the light off and she will then lie and sing/chat for another hour. i have no idea why she isnt tired at night. she is 3yrs 1month.

have you tried letting her have a bedside light on for an hour with a book?

nailpolish · 14/11/2007 09:24

My2WG - that doesnt sound harsh, its routine and thats what children crave. dont be hard on yourself

Original poster
DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 09:29

she has a nightlight on all night. Story tape goes on and on too.

OP posts:
Original poster
DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 09:29

she has a nightlight on all night. Story tape goes on and on too.

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My2Weegirls · 14/11/2007 09:35

thanks NP.

dolly - does she tell you what is wrong? and why she won't stay in bed? is she independant? she could be trying to exert her authority and see how far she can push? that's partly been our problem with DD1.

could you so the smiley faces chart thing (reward chart) - so that if she stays in bed she gets a smiley face and ultimately a special treat.

could you buy a new bed time teddy that she has to make sure stays in bed with her all night?

or try taking a favourite toy away until she stays in bed a full night - then she gets it back

witchandchips · 14/11/2007 09:42

There are sleep cues and sleep associations aren't there. They is always the trade off between helping los off to sleep by lots of cuddles, rocking etc. and so making bed and sleep a lovely place to be for them. This, however does not encourage them to go to sleep on their own. Its really difficult

My sense is that if she has just moved room, and it has become such a battle ground and a source of power struggle between you and her that she might have lost the sense of her bed as a lovely place to be. It actually may be worth being all lentil weavery and cuddling/patting/singing her to back sleep for a bit. You can be firm "Its sleepy time". "I'm only going to cuddle you if you go to bed" etc.

After a few weeks, you may find she actually stops waking up without you needing to be tough. Even if you do end up having to be tough, you may feel that a month or so of waving up for 5mins once a night is a lot better than 2 weeks of being up for 3 hours.

nailpolish · 14/11/2007 09:44

i dont know waht you can do. sorry, i have been very useless

you have to be very very strict, follow through anything you say and just hope and pray

good luck

soames · 14/11/2007 10:05

My dd is just 3 months older and came out of night nappies a few weeks ago... this helped make her bed a bit more of an exciting place for her. We have had a little bit of the awake through the night routine recently ( she's always been a great wee sleeper, pretty much ) There's all the usual excuses... loo, milk...

Sounds like you could maybe have a go at helping her to love her room more, I find mine is starting to have ideas about what she likes in her room.
Also, you say about being out in the buggy... does dd spend much of the time walking herself? Just asking coz we ditched the buggy months ago and, though sometimes it was a bit of a drag at first, my dd now walks everywhere I do, if there is a day with not much walking,I notice a huge difference ie using up unspent beans through the night.

Good luck... it will pass...honest.

Original poster
DollyPopsOut · 14/11/2007 10:34

Thanks for all the suggestions.

NP, you haven't been at all useless . Gosh, if it were easy to solve I'd have bottled it and sold it by now. I think consistency is the key.

My2WG - she is very independent and likes being grown up. We have a star chart in the room but it doesn't hold its magic at 3am for her.

WandC - she has been in that room for a year, but has only had DD2 for about 3 weeks. We moved DD2 in as otherwise I thought DD1 might think DH and I were all cosy with DD2 while she was on her own in her room. I am in the process of redecorating though so we'll see if that makes any difference.

Soames, we walk miles and I try to make her walk as much as possible. It is so hard isn't it? I think we might have a chat about loving her room though to see if there is anything else she would like (within reason)which would help.

Thanks again XXXX

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