Feeling like a failure

[Restingpotato]

Baby wakes constantly through the night can be after 10 mins, 30 mins or 2h. Sometimes get longer stretches at the beginning of the night but it will eventually end in screaming and I have to breastfeed her. But this doeant always work and get more screaming. I can't work out is wrong and how to get her (and me) a more restful night.
The problem is after nearly 11 months of broken sleep I can't cope in the night anymore and I'm like two different mums, the happy, tentative day mum and the terrible impatient night mum.
Not even sure why I'm writing this as nothing I try has helped with her sleep

Oh @Restingpotato, that sounds so tough. I don’t have any great advice but wanted to bump this for you and send a hug. What sort of routine do you have? I’m guessing baby is 11months old? Is she eating well during the day? Hoping someone more helpful appears but for me it was routine, routine, routine and some very gentle controlled crying and resettling. Hang in there - do you have anyone who can help even for a couple of days to give you the energy you need to make changes?

Are you feeling up for sleep training @Restingpotato?

Do you have any support at home, to help you with sleep?

@Restingpotato no advice, just solidarity as I'm going through the same with dd2 (10 months). She woke up at 11pm for 3.5 hours last night after taking an hour to settle at bedtime. This week she's got up at 5am, 3.20am but then also slept through once. No consistency despite consistent naps, meals etc. I never know what will happen. We have done some sleep training. Sometimes the tactics work, sometimes they don't. She likes to keep me on my toes!

I think she's teething and having a leap. Dd1 went through something similar between 9 and 12 months although she was an excellent sleeper before that whereas dd2 never has been.

All I can say is it does get better. At least dd1 sleeps brilliantly now. In the meantime, go easy on yourself. Tiredness makes us all impatient. You're not a terrible mum, just a tired one.

@Homassy thank you, yes she is 11 months nxt week. I keep thinking better sleep is just around the corner haha! Our routine is ok I think, wake times are all over the place so I go by wake windows, 3h after wake up, 3.5h till next nap and 3.5-4h before bed. She goes to sleep in her cot at night but I feed to sleep for naps which i suspect is our downfall. This week has had a few more off routine days than normal as its been so nice to be out and about in the weather, she loves being out but wont really nap in the pram. She isn't exactly an easy going baby so maybe I should be more strict with the routine, thank you!

@FATEdestiny yes I think its time. We have definitely improved sleep with gentle tactics but seem stuck now. Please can you recommend a good method to try?
My husband is on board. He sleeps in the spare room so its more comfortable for me to co sleep then takes over for the early morning so is helpful and keen to train.

@theseriousmoonlight thank you, I did need to hear that eventually it does get better! I'm with you having the inconsistency. Its annoying not knowing what you're going to get!
I'm in a sleep training group on Facebook and I often see people who have had success then teeth or a leap come and ruin things again, thats why I've been reluctant so far - why go through the hard slog of training for it to be disrupted again so soon!

@Restingpotato I was also thinking about trying to do a more strict schedule in the hope it improves things but experience tells me you're right - teeth, leaps etc disrupt things so much I wonder if i should bother. I think once dd2 goes to one big nap a day, things should be easier but then what if I've left it too late? Parenting is such a minefield!

I was co-sleeping / sleeping next to her cot but moved out 2 weeks ago. Things did improve, in fact, she has slept 'through twice but then she's also had extended awake times at night too.

The nights are long but the years are so short.

So you feed to sleep for naps and you feed to sleep for night wakes. I know you mentioned her going to sleep in the cot (at the start of the night?) but that's not enough to overcome the feed to sleep habit you have.

You would get more sleep if you stopped using the cot, full stop, long term, and fully cosleep on your bed for all night time and all naps.

It's of vital importance for good sleep hygiene that baby goes to sleep in the place they stay asleep. So not "put down" once asleep (or nearly asleep). Instead feed to sleep lying down on your bed (following safe sleep guidelines) and then leave her where she is once asleep.

If you want to use the cot, she needs to go from fully awake to fully asleep in the cot. This will cause A LOT if distress. While I wouldn't suggest leaving baby to cry alone and is always say and comfort baby through it, it's not exactly tear-free and gentle.

But don't half-ass use the cot. That's helping no-one. Either have a plan in place to get her falling asleep in the cot, and stick to it every time, every day, every wake up. Or don't use the cot at all and don't aim for independent sleep. The inconsistency of approach makes matters much harder.

3h after wake up, 3.5h till next nap and 3.5-4h before bed.

How long is baby sleeping for? What sort of times?

Your morning awake time is probably too long. This ends up setting up the whole day beginning over tired. I'd reduce this to 2h.

@theseriousmoonlight interesting that things improved slightly in her own room. I've been putting off moving her as I don't want to be up and down all night but do wonder how much harder it'll be further down the line to move her. Its so hard to know what to do! Glad you've got at least 1 that sleeps!

@FATEdestiny thanks for the tips. The cot is actually a sidecar crib so is full size but attached to my bed. I've fed her to sleep tonight and will try and keep her in it and feed to sleep for wake ups until I get a plan in place for training. I know it'll be loud and difficult I suppose I just have to decide whether we can do it! In your experience if I continue to cosleep and bf to sleep now will it make it harder to change this later?
Morning nap is normally around 45-60 mins and afternoon is about 1h20 but this does vary. today she did 40 mins am and 1.5h pm

In your experience if I continue to cosleep and bf to sleep now will it make it harder to change this later?

Unless you're prepared to wait until DD grows out of these naturally (somewhere in the range of 3-6 years old) then yes, it will be harder to sleep train the longer you leave it.