Lack of sleep - how does one cope?

[Grumpylate20s]

My amazing wife gave birth to our first child 2 weeks young DS and in the last 3 nights we've probably had a max of 4 hours sleep each night. My DW bfs so she is absolutely knackered and I change his nappy. The house is becoming a bit of a mess and yeah we're just very sleep deprived... we try to sleep during the day but it makes us feel groggy.

That being said how does one cope with such a small amount of sleep? 😴🤪

Lower standards.
Pay a Cleaner if you can afford it.
Everything is hard because you don't know how yet; when you are more confident how to do things for baby then the cognitive burden to look after bubba goes down & you'll be (somewhat) more efficient at all the other daily chores.

I found an ability to get by on just a few hours sleep for several nights running.

Nap when baby naps if you can...

I think you just get used to it. Ds is 1 and we get 4-5hrs broken sleep still.

Tbh that’s more us now as when tiny I used to go to bed at 9pm with baby and up at 7/8am when he did with broken sleep. Now he’s sleeping better in evenings I find myself using 8-11pm to get some alone time to read and bath in peace, going to bed way too late.

To try and help each other:
Alternate who gets a ‘lie in’. If baby is awake at 6am, one of you take baby downstairs until 8am to try and give the other an extra 1-2 hrs sleep.

Also go to bed early. At 2 weeks, baby and both of you head upstairs by 9pm latest. Go 8pm if shattered. That way even with baby waking you can spend 8pm-7/8am in bed, hopefully getting at least half asleep.

Dh used to take baby to another room to settle rocking if he wouldn’t go to sleep, as with breastfeeding every few hours I was getting even less time laying down or semi resting. Try and give your wife that time as feeding for 30mins every 2hrs can be super draining as it’s literally all energy you have eaten, gone.

For me (2 children neither of which slept through until 2 or later) is was the realisation that feeling rubbish won't kill you, it just means you feel rubbish. But yeah it's hard, and yeah you'll adapt to an extent. Acting as a team and giving eachother opportunities to catch up helps.

The way I survived was by sleeping when the baby slept and cosleeping with baby so I could breastfeed without waking fully. DH was in charge of all nappy changes day and night and I’d try to doze off while they were together

I tried to match with my baby, so slept while she had her daytime naps.
I found having a baby was much less tiring than working 80 hour continuous shifts as a junior doctor, which I did for eight years! My babies (bottle fed) both slept through the night after eight weeks.
Exhaustion will soon mean you can fall asleep any time you get the chance, OP. You will never see the end of any tv show - you’ll be snoring as the opening credits roll!

A cleaner? That’s such a MN answer

I do find it hard but it does get better ...

@Aliceandthemarchhare

A cleaner? That’s such a MN answer

I do find it hard but it does get better ...

NCT and NHS mum and baby sessions advise hiring a cleaner or getting help with cleaning too. It’s not just a MN thing.

I guess my main problem is not being able to understand his needs, so when I feel so crap and he cries for what I think no reason then I get annoyed and then me and DW start to bicker... It's completely new to me and I guess we're all just trying to adapt and learn.
When he was born I was elated then fast forward to now and I just feel like I don't want to be around him cos of the crying and broken sleep. But then there are moments and I'm like wow, this is insane!

But it doesn’t actually help with not sleeping! There might be less to do when you’re awake but the cleaner can’t sleep for you!

I think everyone finds the early days so tough grumpy

Do you think it might help to each have your ds for a stretch? My OH used to have him from 9-1 while I slept then I did the rest of the night. It honestly doesn’t last forever, my ds wakes once at night now and I sort him so OH has a full nights sleep (lucky so and so!)

Just think of it like this, babies literally don’t cry for no reason.
There’s always a reason, even if it’s they just want a cuddle.

So a check list:
Hungry?
Pooped?
Tired?

Generally at two weeks they are one of above even if they have just fed or slept or filled nappy already. So if clean nappy, just fed, then try and get back to sleep or just comfort them singing, rocking, etc. If not calm after a while, maybe hungry again... repeat.

I second what @Caspianberg said. Look up 4th trimester and it does get easier. You're just getting to know your baby and your baby has only been in the world for such a short while. When you feel annoyed, try to remember that it's not your baby's fault and that this is a phase which will pass. These moments will go by quite fast. I have a 6 month DS and honestly the time has flown even with all the sleep deprivation. And there will be so many exciting changes taking place with your baby as you get to know him.

Hang in there @Grumpylate20s. Can’t say sleep deprivation gets any better but you definitely just learn to cope!

We did a baby massage online course at that age and we learnt a couple of things that felt like a magic trick when she had her witching hour (more like eve!) . Google tiger in the tree. Used to give us 5-6 minutes rest bite when the crying was unbearable, sometimes even fell asleep!

Your baby will start to sleep better eventually and you get used to it.

Thinking back to when mine were new born with DD1 I can’t remember when I started doing nights by myself completely maybe 4 weeks but I had been very physically ill and was in hospital until DD1 was nearly 2 weeks. I think certainly by 2 weeks I did anything overnight with DD2 and DH was in charge of DD1 whose sleep understandably went haywire. I would say if your DW is by you suggest she does nights by herself but you do EVERYTHING say home - meal planning, cooking, cleaning, washing, making her up snack boxes and flask of hot drink and bottles of water before bed, changing bedding, all washing, absolutely everything so the only thing she needs to do is feed the baby and then shower and brush her teeth while you look after the baby, in between she can eat the food you provide while she feeds the baby. The first few weeks are brutal and you are in survival mode.

Our second is 5mo and my DH still can't tell the difference between cries so don't stress that you don't know at 2 weeks. "What's wrong with her" is a frequent phrase in our house. 🤦

We slept in separate rooms for weeks. I did the night shift by myself, then DH took over in the early morning and I got a couple of hours extra then. If either of us needed a nap then we'd sort it out between us. We split the lie ins at the weekend.

Standards do fall - this time round there was a lot of pesto pasta, oven pizza, stir fry (with packs from the Tesco metro across the road). Cleaning largely falls by the wayside but I would say keeping on top of the laundry is the one important job to prioritise. It does get easier as everything gets quicker - feeds, nappy changes, baths, getting baby dressed. Getting out for a walk/takeaway coffee is good too - both of mine have loved a pram nap and a change of scene always makes me feel better.

All I have to say is I’m jealous of the 4 hours. I had 90 minutes last night!

@theresaplaceforus

All I have to say is I’m jealous of the 4 hours. I had 90 minutes last night!

Ooh competition time... We had 50 minutes 😴

5 months in, I've only slept 1 full night, due to GPS stepping in as the sleep deprivation got dangerous. My pet peeve is people saying you get used to feeling tired. I've been almost suicidal in the 6 months due to the exhaustion. No helpful words from me except sleeping in shifts with DH has been the most helpful thing.

If we see in competition time, Im yet to have a full night sleep at 2y in, and had insomnia during pregnancy, so it's been a good 2.5y since Ife had a full night.
Y toddler actually started sleeping brilliantly a couple of weeks ago (until a couple of days ago) but not sleeping is so ingrained into my brain now that seemingly I can't do it even if he does! Utterly depressing.

As a previous poster said, sharing it is the best solution really, which is why sleep deprivation wasn't so bad for me first time around because I wasn't breastfeeding (hallelujah).

It sounds normal, but is so hard at first and the hardest thing about becoming a new parent. I think your body gets used to it after a while but it is a shock to the system. I remember crying after only 2 hours sleep a night for a week...when my daughter slept 4 hours straight I felt superhuman! It will get easier.
Arrange split shifts during the night if you can? I used to breastfeed my daughter until 4 or 5am (partner slept until then) until she slept for 3-4 hours then my partner would take over so I got a bit of sleep.
Also, baby sleeping bag when old enough...game changer for us. Baby was so much more comfortable and didn't kick her blankets off which was waking her up.
Otherwise, lower standards, ready meals, don't invite too many people over and those who do need to make you both a brew and a sick a load of washing on.

Good luck