How to deal with toddler & newborn on my own

[Mummysarah12]

I have a 4 week old baby & a 2 year old. My partner is currently on paternity leave but goes back to work next week. And I am really stressed about how I am going to cope with the 2 of them. Prior to my 4 week olds arrival, my 2 year old was on a really good routine, if she napped during the day she would go to bed at 9pm & if she didn’t she would go to bed at 7pm. We always have cuddles on my bed & she falls asleep quickly & I move her to the cot & she will sleep through to 8am. However, the last few weeks she has been terrible at bedtime. I have kept the same bedtime routine but she messes around & screams the house down & it has been taking over an hour to settle her to sleep.
My 4 week old has witching hour between 6pm & 10pm when he also screams the house down for hours. I really don’t know how I am going to cope doing bedtime on my own next week. My partner will not be home until 9pm earliest.
Can anyone with 2 kids please offer any advice on how to manage 2 bedtimes?
TIA

Omg this is bring back memories.

I have a similar age gap and some of those bedtimes were horrific.

I'd be feeding the baby while the toddler screamed blue murder.

Tips, a cloth sling is your saviour. Baby might still scream in their witching hour but at least you know they are safe and ok while screaming.

Focus on bedtime routine for the toddler. Don't worry too much about bathing baby or their routine.

Try to keep your cool, even if you have to walk away for a moment.

Can you ask your partner if he can finish work earlier? Can he use some annual leave to work part time for a few weeks?

It's hard, but it does get better I promise

Yes, agree with @Twizbe. Concentrate on the toddler's bedtime. I have dd1 (3 years old) and dd2 (10 months) and I used to put dd2 in a bouncer (baby bjorn one, no flashing lights or anything) and bounce her with my foot while doing the routine with dd1 as best I could.

It's not the nicest of times but it does pass and you will get through it.

Watching for tips OP as will soon be in the same boat!

My two have a smaller age gap - eldest is 2.5 and youngest is 11mo.

But it's a bit different as mine has been accustomed to going to sleep on his own since forever - I mean by that I'm not getting him to sleep, I leave him in his cot awake and he goes to sleep on his own. Since he was 20mo I have been leaving him a light and a stack of books so he can entertain himself for a few minutes if he's not tired just yet.

Reading your OP again, sounds like the sleep issues started when you brought the baby home, so presumably part of it is your eldest being jealous /unsettled. Maybe she's jealous that she has to go to bed while (in her mind) the baby gets to stay with you ?
Would it be worth it perhaps to try and put baby to bed with toddler's help, so she can see the baby is asleep and nothing exciting is happening ? Then put her to bed. With a bit of luck you'll get a couple of hours to yourself before the baby wakes again...

@Mummysarah12 and @Llamasally I'm in a similar boat though partner will be back earlier and a smaller age gap (15m). I have no idea how I'll cope but following and hopefully we can share tips/support through this?!

You can’t be everything to everyone and settle both at once so I would try @Marty13 ‘s suggestion to involve toddler in helping you and chat about changing baby and getting baby ready for bed , then start toddler’s routine. Of course, babies are sometimes unsettled just when you need to settle your older child, if that happens, you can only do your best and it’s ok to leave baby a few mins to have a quick cuddle with your toddler
Does your toddler like to get involved in being the ‘big sister helper’ ?

Gosh memories!
16m between Ds1 and Ds2: I used to use our bed with Ds1 cuddling my back while I bf Ds2. Then I'd move Ds1 into his bed at a convenient point. Audio books were my friend for the hours when I had to lie there until I could get up.

If anyone has any tips for what to do when there's 3 and the 2 bigger ones want to sleep in their beds but also want cuddling to sleep I'm all ears

I have a 14 month gap between my two and I’m on my own for most bedtimes. At the moment (they are 8 months and nearly 2) they have a bath together then my oldest will sit on my bed watching tv, doing jigsaws or looking at books while I feed the baby and put her down. Then I lie with the oldest on his bed until he falls asleep.
It doesn’t always work and some nights I am tearing my hair out, but it gets easier once you get into a routine that the toddler understands.
My oldest went through a horrible sleep regression when baby was first born. Hang in there it will get easier!

T @Twizbery ‘s suggestion of a sling can help. Do you cuddle baby while reading to your toddler on a couch before bed?

Give your toddler choices out of what you intend for her bedtime routine. If you do a story before her bed, let her choose the book. If you want her to put on her pyjamas, let her choose which ones out of two suitable pairs.
Talk it up and say how you love your PJs and snuggling into bed, and get yours on too.

When you are sick of it all and tired and you have settled and resettled baby and checked and rechecked baby and baby is still crying and your toddler won’t sleep, humour is your best friend.
If you need to get baby up for the umpteenth time again, try teaching your toddler to see the light side of the mayhem of life and say ‘ oh no, not a- gain, baby is not sure what’s/he wants tonight! Will we cuddle him/ her and make silly faces to cheer them up? ‘

@User0ne that’s hard! Depends how old when we had three children under five we used to put them all on our bed after brushing teeth and read them a few night time stories together before setting them in their bed Then after they’ve had special time together ( where you drop all the chores etc and just focus on the story and chatting about the story together) they can hopefully each take turns being cuddling up with you for 5 mins in their bed ?

[quote Homassy]**@Mummysarah12* and @Llamasally* I'm in a similar boat though partner will be back earlier and a smaller age gap (15m). I have no idea how I'll cope but following and hopefully we can share tips/support through this?![/quote]
@Homassy yes please!

Just signing in to send @Mummysarah12 good luck and a virtual cup of tea. Nursery day today, so only got the baby here

Gosh, also brings back memories.
22 months between my eldest children & many times we all cried! It was so, so stressful.
I’ve got a 3 week old, 3 & 5 year old now & I’m putting them to bed for the first time on my own tonight so just hoping it goes well as my 3 year old still needs somebody to sit in his bedroom!
I think just get through it, it will get easier soon. You can do this x

First day solo for me today. Oh boy. I don’t even know what to say. I am broken and feel like the worst parent in the world! Very much hoping it’s upwards from here. My toddler is so ‘energetic’ none of the ideas from PPs amuse him at all. He will.not.sit.still.

16 weeks pregnant with what will be a 2yr2m gap. Am now terrified. Better or worse that toddler doesn’t sleep anyway?

Thank you for the replies and suggestions. I like the idea of my toddler helping with the baby’s bedtime. Unfortunately the baby does not yet have a routine & cries all evening. I am hoping once the witching hour phase passed the baby will go to bed first but in the meantime I have a very energetic toddler to get off to sleep...
Unfortunately she won’t settle herself in the cot...I know a bad habit but as she was settling so easily & sleeping through that it has never been an issue.
@Homassy @Llamasally yes please I need all the support I can get!
Llamasally I am impressed you got them both down by 21.34? I have visions of being up until the early hours trying to get my toddler off to sleep...

Thank you PPs for the reassurances that things do get better...

I have an 8 week old and a 2.5 year old so I am just finding my way with this. Husband works 12 hour shifts so is never home for bed time.

It's early days but what has helped me so far:

• buying a swing seat thing for the baby which she sometimes goes in for a little while
• if that fails, putting baby in a sling or wrap whilst reading stories to my toddler
• making sure I cuddle my little boy whenever I get the chance during bedtime, so that if I have to fuss with the baby after stories, I can remind my toddler that I have already given him a cuddle!
• audio books as a back-up for when the baby is too grumpy to allow me to sit and read stories (I still stay in the room with him although I step out sometimes for a minute or so if baby is screaming!).

You'll figure it out. Congrats and good luck! If you want to message me as we are in the same boat, please do.

It's so tough and I always find the thought of "how am I going to do this?" more stressful than actually doing it.

My baby is 6 months old and my first was just over 2.5 when she was born. I agree that the transition of having a sibling could be affecting things here too.

I remember the witching hour all too well and did rely heavily on hubby being at home so I could have one on one time with my toddler for bath and bed for her bedtime routine. When hubby went back to work, the sling helped but still felt a bit stressful at times. As you say at that age baby won't have a bedtime routine either so it's more of a case of keeping baby as calm as you can while you keep consistent with your toddler routine and familiarity that she had before baby was born. I liked to make sure my toddler still had things like bath on her own when we could.

Its such a rough time when you can't just sit and feed your newborn like before isn't it! It does get easier xx

How was today @Llamasally? I only did four till bedtime alone and it was tough. Overwrought toddler who didn’t nap at nursery and baby wanting to feed. Sling is a saviour

@Homassy better in a word! Still chaos but better. DH has been home well before bedtime though, so haven’t had to cross that bridge alone yet! Agree re the sling. My main takeaway so far from advice on here seems to be to focus on the toddler and everything else will somehow work out. Hard in practice though isn’t it?

I have a 22 month old and a 5 month old. The first 6 weeks were a bit of a blur...I just rode the wave and got through it. I tried to keep toddler's routine exactly as it was and focussed on the newborn once toddler was asleep. So toddler evening routine (bath, milk, book, bed was 6-7 and newborn evening routine 8-10. Exhausting but doesn't last forever). If that meant leaving newborn to cry while sorting toddler, sometimes it's the only way. I guess the cuddling the toddler to sleep is the issue here as that's tricky with no.2 so can't massively help with that bit. All I can say is it gets a million times better! By about 8 weeks we were bathing them together and DD2 was down about 9pm. Around 3 months the same bedtime routine with justa slightly later 8pm bedtime for DD2. And now at 5 months identical routines and it's lovely...bath together, milk together, both down at 7pm and you get evenings back. I'm not saying this to gloat, but to remind you that this will pass. You're in the worst bit now, so just try get through it as best you can and soon all will be better!