2 y/o waking for hours during the night

[Poppop4]

DD turned 2 in January, she’s always been a good sleeper unless unwell/teething until around 8 months ago. She started waking in the night and I simply can’t resettle her, she’s wide awake. The times she wakes varies but she will often wake between 1&3am and be awake 3/4 hours clearly still exhausted and then falls back to sleep eventually.
Last night she slept until 3.30am we’ve been up since then now and I can guarantee she’ll be asleep in an hour or so. That doesn’t help me though when I have to go out to work.
I leave at 6am 3 days a week so if she’s been up since 2/3am I’m then heading off to a 13 hour shift as a nurse and it’s killing me.

My friend suggested a gro clock, I’m not sure she’ll understand it though.
Any other suggestions?
I have tried leaving her to nap as long as she wants in the day, shortening the nap to just an hour and no nap at all and it doesn’t make much difference really.
She is dropping her nap so if she hasn’t had a nap she’s in bed for 7.30pm but it’s 8.30 if she’s napped. Earlier or later bedtime doesn’t seem to have an a effect on it either.

She constantly had bags under there eyes and looks exhausted, as do I!

I really feel for you both! When she wakes up what do you do? If this has been happening for 8 months she may have gotten into particular habits. When you've tried changing nap times and bed times, how long have you tried this for?

@MaMaD1990 when she wakes I initially leave her a little while because very rarely she stirs and goes back to sleep. I only go into her when I realise she’s not resettling herself. I have also tried going in as soon as she stirs to see if I can prevent her becoming wide awake but that doesn’t work.
So typically once I go in I will end up putting her in my bed because I need some sleep. However even that doesn’t work, if she’s wide awake she rolls around the bed kicking me and her dad in the head and starts bouncing on the bed so I end up putting her back in her own bed which results in screaming until she’s sick or giving it up and coming downstairs. Occasionally she gets in bed with me and goes back to sleep.
I’m starting to think I just need to be tough, take a week or 2 off work and when she wakes resettle her in her own bed and deal with the hysterical screaming 😫
She goes to bed fine, I read her a story day GoodNight and leave her so she has no issues self settling at all.

DP and I are currently taking turns with her at night to try and each get some rest.
She’s had us up in the night for hours every night for 8 nights straight now. I feel dead!

Hi OP,
No advice I'm afraid but I am in exactly the position at the moment and I also feel dead on my feet.
My DD has pretty much dropped her nap entirely now but still does the random wake up anywhere between 1-3am. Sometimes she's tearful, sometimes she's just wide awake although clearly still tired. She was up at 2am last night for over an hour and is still asleep now but I will have to wake her up in a minute which means she's going to be grumpy all morning.
It's so frustrating!
Hopefully someone will come along with some helpful advice for us both.

@LadyWhistledown I guess it’s a little reassuring to know I’m not alone. I’ve been holding out hope that it’s a phase and will pass but after 8 months of it my hope is slowly fading :(

It's good that can self settle and to be honest it sounds like she's trying it on a bit and just wants to play. Mine (nearly 2) has done this off and on and we use the super nanny version of controlled crying - it's not as awful as it sounds! When she wakes up, go in and lay her back down with no eye contact and limited talking, leave the room and let her cry/scream for 2 mins then go back in and lay her back down. Every time you leave you double the amount of time before going back in (so 2mins, 4 mins, 8 mins etc). The first couple of minutes it sounds like all he'll is breaking loose but they calm down a bit. It's hard to listen to but I have to say it's worked wonders with our daughter. If it helps, we realised that her screaming was just that she was angry that she wasn't getting her way, there was nothing wrong with her at all and that helped us through it. Within 2 nights she was going to sleep and staying asleep as she should. I hope this helps a bit!

@MaMaD1990 thank you!

I’m starting to think I just need to be tough, take a week or 2 off work and when she wakes resettle her in her own bed and deal with the hysterical screaming

I think so

A useful parenting back for this age is to change your mindset from "You need to go to sleep" to "I expect you to lie quietly in bed".

You can't insist she goes to sleep (Like you used to be able to do with rocking/feeding/driving) but you can insist on acceptable behaviour - and avceotsbls behaviour for night time is that she's in bed and she's quiet.

Framing it as a behaviour issue rather than a sleep issue can help. As a toddler there will be lots of pushing boundaries and having to learn what is acceptable behaviour and what is unacceptable behaviour (That you will not allow - like hitting, running in the road, etc).

Treat this as a behaviour issue. So set your expectations and then be consistent. You cannot make her sleep. But you can insist that she stays in bed, stays still and us quiet (and without any doubt, once she's accepted that she must lie in bed and make no noise, she will relax enough to go back to sleep).