Cot to bed nightmare

[momneedsadviceplz]

Hello. I really need some advice please! My little one has been refusing to go to bed for the past week, seems he is terrified of something in his bedroom although he plays lovely in there. He has always been fairly good at going to bed beforehand. So we decided to change the cot to a bed to see if this helped. (He's 20 months old, willing to give anything a go at this point) but now I feel we've made it 10 times worse for ourselves, I feel out of control completely. He won't stay in his bed for naps or nighttime after a story, he screams for a while and then starts playing with his toys. Last night resulted in me getting into his bed with him until he fell asleep. This afternoon his nap was the same and I've resorted to taking him for a drive to get him to sleep 🤦🏼‍♀️ I feel like I've gone back to the newborn stage where I have no idea what I'm doing and the routine has gone out of the window! Does anyone have any helpful advice please I'm losing the will 😩

I'd go back to the cot for as long as you can get away with.

Yes I’d go back to the cot and the familiar routine. How is his speech? Can you try and find out more about the fear? Finding reassuring things, get a new special teddy and tell him a story about how it looks after him when he cuddles it, something like that. He may need you to stay around a bit more with him, or a night light maybe, but if you keep fairly consistent I’d imagine this will pass.

Back to cot first off. Dd is 2.5 and still in a cot quite happy. If possible I would then keep the cot but remove the side. Then the other side, then a bed. Can you also keep everything else the same? Like same duvet, linen etc so it's not all such a change.

Back to the cot and tackle it from there.

I've got three kids, the eldest were both still in a cot at nearly 3 (although they weren't climbers, it's different if they are climbing out) and my youngest is 17 months and will be in a cot for as long as possible.

They do go through phases so you might have to ride it out, but don't throw a big change (new bed) into the mix at such a time if you can avoid it.

Keep the cot.

I would not consider a bed until past 3rd birthday, 4th of you can get away with it.

Thing is he wasn't sleeping in his cot either so I don't think that's the issue. He still screams and screams until we go get him, the only difference is in his cot he feels more trapped. 🤦🏼‍♀️ also how do I stop him playing with toys and staying in his bed 😩😩

It would be better to solve the issue as to why he needs extra comfort with him in the cot, rather than solving the same issue plus loads of additional and unnecessary issues from putting him in a bed (far) too soon.

The cot sides give a sence of enclosed security to a baby, they often need this for comfort. This is especially true when he seems scared anyway.

Back to the cot, mine were all gone two when they came out of theirs. Then try and work out what is upsetting him, is it too dark? Maybe he just isn’t tired?

Ok so my DH has put the cot back up tonight and we're still having exactly the same issue 🤦🏼‍♀️

I've got 2 night lights and he is exhausted. Been trying for 2 hours now.

@momneedsadviceplz

Ok so my DH has put the cot back up tonight and we're still having exactly the same issue 🤦🏼‍♀️

You will still have the same issue, because you've not solved anything (Just stopped there being loads of extra issues).

Sleep often goes rubbish at around 18 months, so this is where you are. I'm guessing baby is standing up in the cot and stood screaming to exhaustion? (This is typical for the 18m sleep regression). It's to do with motor skill development.

So to start, can baby go from standing to sitting to lying down totally unaided unaided? Assuming yes, start with instruction following games during the day.

Very basic things without lots of language attached, just clear instruction. "Can you stand up ?" Climb up on the sofa, take this into the kitchen, bring me the ball, touch your nose, sit down, stand up, lie down. Much like Simon Says buy without the Simon Says buy, just instruction and the lots of cheering when the instruction is followed.

Next, stop lying baby down in the cot (entirely, never do it again). Indeed stop doing anything for baby that he could do himself, show him how much praise he gets when following an instruction.

Put him in the cot stood up, tap the mattress and say lie down. Make a big fuss with smiling and praise when he follows the instruction.

He may (will) stand up. Just tap matters and give instruction again, waiting without getting cross of frustrated. Just keep repeating and waiting. Then praise when instruction us followed.

Bear in mind here that the only instruction is lie down. We cannot make him sleep, but we can (and will) insist he lies down. Don't complicate the battle with extra language or instruction. Just tap mattress, say lie down, wait, praise.

Once you've sorted lying down - next instruction is lie still and quietly. So have a mantra that you repeat. A clear sentence that sets out exactly what you expect. Ie "It's sleep time now. Lie down quietly to sleep. Nan night".

Then it comes down to being totally calm and consistent. Stay in the room, stay calm and don't get annoyed. But do not deviate from your expectations.

• kiss/cuddle
• into cot stood up
• tap mattress and say lie down.
• Smile and have positive body language when instructions followed. Bend down close to his face, say mantra
• "It's sleep time now. Lie down quietly to sleep. Nan night"
• stand and step away from the cot and wait.
• if he stands up, tap mattress and go from there repeating as above. Stay positive with every instruction followed
• if he is thrashing around or making noise, back over to cot and bend low, with a calm smile (He's lying down, that's good) put hand on chest with a shushhhhh. Then repeat mantra and go from there, repeating as above.
• if refusing to lie down or stop crying, pick up and go tight back to the kiss/cuddle in your arms as you did at the start it my bedtime. So kiss/cuddle until calm and start again, exactly the same.

You may need to repeat this whole process over and over and over and over and over again. Many many many times. But be consistent.

Say in the room until he's properly settle, then leave but initially wait by the door. Again if he stands or whatever, back to the above list to resettle in exactly the same way. And again once settled step away and wait by the door.

It's all about consistency.

Welcome to toddlerhood!