10 month old goes to bed well but cries through the night

[4Brown89]

Hi

My 10 month old has been sleep trained but although it improved his sleep he has only ever slept through the night once.

He goes to bed awake and settles himself with no crying. The problem is he wakes multiple times a night and cries . Since he has normally had at least 5 hours sleep by this time he doesn't want to give in and ends up getting distraught. I've taken to patting him back to sleep which works but he then wakes a few hours later.

He is also so inconsistent. A few nights ago he slept 7pm-4am before I had to go in. Then the last few nights he's woken at midnight and every 2-3hours after. He also wake st 5am some days but 6.30-7 others.

He naps mostly well from 9-10.30am then 1.30-3pm. Sometimes its slightly less.

Please help. Do I need to just suck it up and do controlled crying even if he cries for an hour?

This is completely normal behaviour for a baby and you are there to support them day and night.

Does he have milk through the night?

I wouldn’t leave my baby to cry in a room alone for an hour no.

Is he hungry or cold? Wet nappies are cold and it does get cold in the early hours.
He seems to nap for quite a long time. My 7 month old only has one long nap a day and a few shorts naps after a feed.
Make sure he gets enough calories during the day, it might be teething or just developmental. I’m not a fan of sleep training. You could adjust his bedtime so he goes to sleep at 8 and then wakes later.

He is ten months. He needs you.

Park your sleep training principles, and realise that his innate requirements for comfort are completely normal for a baby and should always rank higher than your own desire for a full nights sleep.

How anyone can leave a baby to cry it out is completely beyond me.

This sounds very normal! They go through a sleep regression at around 9 or 10 months too, so will have more frequent wakings.
My eldest was still waking 2 or 3 times a night at that age, with one small feed around 4am. My youngest is now 12 months and has been a better sleeper. She's started sleeping through the night maybe half the time. Not tonight though! I leave them to cry for 5 minutes to see if they settle. Then if needed, I go in, hug and reassure, have some cuddles, then return them to their crib. Sometimes they settle, sometimes I repeat the process several times before it works.

Thank you all for your opinions. I understand that many of you are against sleep training but I am not. It has worked for him in the past and also worked amazingly well for my eldest at this age who used to wake every hour. He has slept through for the last 3 years now and has learnt great sleep habits.

The problem is I didn't mind patting him to sleep a few weeks ago when it worked quickly and he would sometimes still settle himself but he is getting worse, waking more and refusing to self settle now. I don't want him starting to rely on me to settle him all the time. In my eyes that is just going backwards.

@candlemasbells Thank you for your ideas. I think I will try reducing his nap times to see if this helps. I did wonder if he was sleeping too much. I don't think he is cold, hungry or teething as we have tried addressing these problems but to no avail.

Thank you all again for your help.

I have always given mine a couple of minutes to see if they settle themselves back to sleep but otherwise I go in and settle.
I did sleep train all of mine but I have never left any of them to cry it out. I think this is often a problem with babies who have been sleep trained with cry it out methods, they find it harder to settle themselves in the middle of the night as they don’t associate their cots with a safe relaxing space. In your position I would go in and settle at each wake up and then once she starts to feel secure in the knowledge that you will come when she cries out you should find she cries out less and less as she is more relaxed and feels more confident to settle herself in the middle of the night.

It's normal. I wouldn't leave them crying for an hour. Maybe up to 5 minutes to see if they settle down. You don't want to teach them that if they cry no one will come.

I diagnose- it's a baby!

Of course you should comfort your baby. He is 10 months on this planet, not 10 years.

My 10.5 month old does the same thing, goes down with no problems but wakes constantly throughout the night. There is a sleep regression around this time and a lot of things going on developmentally and also teething so that could explain it.

I leave her for a few minutes max to see if she settles herself, if not I go help her. I’m not one to leave her to cry personally.

Thank you again to everyone for their comments.

Can I just make you aware though that some of your comments have come across as judgemental and rude. Many parents ask for help on here and immediately feel that they are terrible parents after reading the answers given.

We are all entitled to express our own opinions but can we remember to make sure your comments read as kind and helpful rather than condescending and judgemental of a parent for the choices they make. We are all different.

Could also be down to teething? My DD was the same around 10 months, she was definitely going through a regression but she was also teething a lot as well.

A little anbesol would sometimes sooth her and get her back down.

@4Brown89 I agree with you about the judgemental and rude comments. We are not in your shoes and only you know your baby and what's right for you and baby. Same thing happened to me a few months back which made me question why I come to this forum for advice. Obviously you want the best for your baby and wouldn't want to cause any harm. Don't let the comments get to you!

Regarding your actual question, sorry I don't have any advice as I'm going through the 4 month sleep regression myself and my DS is now nearly 6 months and I'm trying sleep training myself. I would say however that you might want to try a different approach if the one you are using isn't working. Sometimes babies go through temporary phases. My DD was a fantastic sleeper from birth but then went through a phase of waking up screaming when she was 2ish so I used to go and sit on the floor in her room until she fell back to sleep. It didn't last though, and she went back to her normal self within a few days.

Good luck!