Newborn only sleeps on me at night

[WongSiewTin]

I’m brand new to the asking game here but I really would love some advice! My DS is nearly 10 weeks old but he was premature so he is 6 and a half weeks adjusted. Since he was 2 weeks (adjusted) he has gotten into this horrendous habit of sleeping from 10pm for anywhere between 2-5 hours but then once he wakes up from that sleep, he doesn’t go back to sleep for longer than 20 minutes unless he is on me and this continues until his next big nap which is usually midday. He sleeps fine in his crib (side sleeping snuzpod) but only during that initial period of sleep, once he’s awake he can only sleep on me, I try and wait until he’s in a deep sleep and then move him to the crib but he just wakes up 10 minutes later. He’s been doing this for 4 weeks solid and I’m exhausted. He is EBF and only weighs 8 pounds so is really tiny but is putting on weight nicely (he was 4.4 pounds when he was born). I thought it might be wind or gas or even an allergy like milk or soy intolerance but now I’m thinking is it overtiredness. During the day he has 2 big naps but the rest are all 20 minutes, and when he is awake he is usually awake for longer than an hour every time. Am I doing something wrong? And will this time of awful sleep pass? I have a friend whose 12 week old is sleeping 7-9 hours through the night and it’s hard to not be jealous!

Both of mine were reluctant to sleep in a crib at this age. Have you tried putting him in bed with you and feeding lying down? It's safe as long as you follow the guidelines and you should both get some more rest.

If you do want him in the crib you could try swaddling/white noise/warming the crib first/a T-shirt DH has worn as the bottom sheet and waiting till he's in a really deep sleep before putting him down.

Thanks! I haven’t tried feeding lying down so will give that a go. I have tried all of that except warming up the crib, I’ve held him before for 30 mins until I was sure he was in a deep sleep then put him down, maybe got 5 mins before he started making noises and eventually crying. He always seems to want to be held during the night and never sleeps in his crib so I get about 3 hours sleep a night

How are you getting on now? Is feeding lying down helping at all?

We had this and basically cracked at the 5 month mark. We decided to do some intensive sleep training and haven’t looked back. 10 weeks is too young for that but I would advise being open to it if the time comes...

I think it sounds very normal I’m afraid OP. Could your partner take turns with you? It won’t last forever, babies want to be safe cuddled up with Mum, next to their food source. How upset does he get when he cries? Have you tired to persevere with a swaddle wrap and white noise and you lying nest to him stroking and shushing? If he’s just annoyed and isn’t actually distressed, I would persevere with getting him to go back to sleep after a feed in the crib.

So I fed him lying down last night and that seemed to definitely help! He fell asleep easily and whilst it wasn’t for as long as I had hoped he still went back to sleep long enough for me to get some good shut eye :) I’ve ordered the swaddle sleeping bags from love to dream so will give them a go (he would wriggle out of blankets and muslins). He grizzled last night and it was between feeds so I put my hand on his chest and shushed him and he fell asleep after about 5/10 mins! I just hope that this will end soon as I’ve been dealing with this for 6 weeks

Forgot to add I don’t think my husband could take turns as he works 9-5. He sleeps in a separate room, we are trying to introduce a bottle to take the pressure off me doing all the feeds so he will give the bottle once we’ve established it

Your husband can and does need to help. He works 9am-5pm does he? Well at the moment your working 24/7. It’s not acceptable he doesn’t help.

I had dh in same room, and he would get baby up and I would obviously be feeding him regularly, but if he needed nappy change or if he had been fed and wouldn’t settle then dh took over a while. It means I’m at least if your up feeding 30 mins, you can then wake dh back up and get him to take over settling in crib so you can lie down and rest even if not sleep.
If still averaged out that I was up feeding and settling about 3-4hrs per night at this stage and dh around 1hr.

Also, if baby woke to feed around 6am, I would feed baby, then dh would take him and change nappy, new clothes and downstairs until 7.30-8am so I could catch up an hour or so sleeping, and shower without baby

Just to clarify he does help and because he works from home it’s brilliant as it means he can give me 10 mins here and there during the day just to have a break and he does. I actually prefer having the bed to myself with baby, less pressure to get him to settle when it’s just me there. Hubby does take him a couple of mornings for an hour or so and does the morning routine to let me catch up on kip which is a life saver! I just want him to be able to take the bottle as then that will really help

Ah I see.
Sorry, mine never took to the bottle unfortunately. I tried 0-4 months and he took 1-2oz a few time but it took so long it was quicker to just feed as I had to feed him anyway afterwards as he drank so little.

Now 10 months he can drink from a beaker/ open cup for water or milk if I’m out so don’t stress if it doesn’t work.

My DS was the same, I spent hours just sat up with him on my chest until i started co sleeping and feeding him back to sleep within minutes. I would also fall back to sleep straight away. Read up safe sleep 7 on lullaby trust for safe co sleeping. It was a life saver for me.

Thanks for all your advice! I’ve read cosleeping with a premature baby isn’t recommended so I don’t want to run the risk - he seems to like the co sleeping crib which is good. The sleep has gotten a bit better. He sleeps for 3 hours has a feed then goes back to sleep for a couple of hours but then tends to be in and out of sleep until the morning. This morning he had a bit of a cluster feed from 3-5:30 and then started whimpering, I wasn’t sure if this was a comfort cry - any thoughts? Also we have tried to put him on more of a schedule during the day where he sleeps for 3 hours then we feed him, his evenings recently consist of him crying and fussing and not sure if it’s because he’s in Leap 2?

Remember letting them cry a bit whilst your there comforting them is very different from just leaving them to cry.

So if your now using co sleeper crib, so he’s right next to you, it’s fine once he’s been fed and you know has a clean nappy to lie him down and soothe him with your arm gently stoking his head or patting back whilst you lie down next to him and semi rest. He might be annoyed because it’s new, but your comforting him still in a different way and he might gradually get used to then falling asleep not only on you.