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Original poster

What would you do? FSIDS advice re. sleeping in parents room...

16 replies

Tinkjon · 08/11/2007 15:20

I think that DS (2 months old today) needs to go to bed at a proper baby bedtime instead of an adult bedtime. I think most people put their babies of this age to sleep in a moses basket in the room with them and then take them up when they go to bed - but my DS refuses POINT BLANK to go to sleep in a moses basket. The only time & place he'll sleep in his cot is upstairs, at nighttime, in the dark. So unless we go to bed with him at 7 or 8pm (which I don't really want to do), it means him being upstairs in the room by himself.

But, the FSIDS advice says not to do that - so what would you do if it were you? I'd be happy to keep him up with us if he was happy, but he's cranky and fussy and really needs to be asleep. Sigh, what to do, what to do....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IwansMam · 08/11/2007 15:28

Will he sleep anywhere else downstairs and you could transfer him later while sleeping? Or is he like my DS and must fall asleep where he's going to stay? If so, sounds as though you may have to put him upstairs at 7pm with a monitor on. If you're really worried then why not invest in a brething monitor?

Scoobi6 · 08/11/2007 15:38

I'd put him upstairs with a monitor, and just check on him frequently if you're worried. I can't see how that is really very different from being soundly asleep in bed next to him.

Meeely2 · 08/11/2007 15:38

my twins were always upstairs in their cot at bedtime (between 7 and 9 depending on how our day went!), we had a cheap and cheerful monitor no breathing monitors - since they had been in hosp for 8 weeks hooked up to every monitor going when they were born so we wanted some peace and quiet!

I am going to be controversial here, but how does being there with your child reduce their risk of stopping breathing? if they are gonna stop they are gonna stop whether you are there or not.....sorry but what did our parents do? when we first brought the boys home from hosp we wouldn't leave them alone - they were upstairs in their cot and one of us would be there with them - all day! then i thought, this is ridiculous, how do other people cope? and we just started to function normally and I stopped being so paranoid.

ChubbyScotsBurd · 08/11/2007 15:45

Meeely2, I think it's because the child hears your breathing ... but to the OP, check the FSIDS website for info but do what feels right, anything to avoid the cranky monster!

moodlumtheWOOOHOOHOOhoodlum · 08/11/2007 15:46

Sorry - I've only read a few lines of this post, but my daughter stopped breathing when she was two weeks old, in her sleep, and by completely fluke, we were in her room at the time, so found her blue and did something about it. So I know a lot about this.

The whole point about parents sleeping in the same room as the children is because apnea (ie when the child stops breathing, subsequently leading to cot death), can be because the baby literally forgets to breath. If the baby is in a room with other people breathing in their sleep (ie parents in the bed next to the cot), there is some primal mechanism that makes the baby 're-tune' into the rhythmn of breathing and thus take a breath, saving their life.

Having been there and at the cotside of a child who would have died had I not been there, personally, I'd take the experts at their word, as FSID have done a huge amount of research into this, and do know best. Whilst the approach of the baby sleeping in the parent's room obviously doesn't help at nap time, it does highlight the importance of regularly checking your child during nap time.

Meeely2 · 08/11/2007 15:49

well i never knew that! cheers guys - my boys had to move into own room at 4 months as they grew out of sharing a cot and we couldn't fit two cots in our room.

They are both fine and 3 yo in 3 weeks!

moodlumtheWOOOHOOHOOhoodlum · 08/11/2007 15:49

Sorry - for the OP - we got around it (the nap time conundrum) by getting an apnea pad monitor - which if they don't breath, sounds a little alarm. There are mixed views on this, but it never went off, calmed us, enabled dd and then ds to get sleep without us fussing over them (which believe me was almost impossible in the early days), and if the technology is there, why wouldn't you? It was a huge comfort to us.

MrsBadger · 08/11/2007 15:49

hmm, I see the dilemma

I'd do 7-11pm in his cot in your room on a monitor
then you go in with him when you go to bed
so for the majority of the night you are with him

RBH · 08/11/2007 15:50

I believe the research says that by hearing you breathe they are less likely to forget to breathe themselves which is why it is recommended that you sleep in the same room.

With both my two I started to put them up to bed on their own but in our room around the 2 month mark. I use an angelcare monitor which has an alarm. I know it doesn't stop anything happening but it meant that when they were tiny I knew I would know they were ok when I was downstairs, and it meant I slept at night (between feeds!)

FWIW both my mum and grandma had their kids in with them until at least 9 months and my grandma used to wake up every hour to check they were ok!

moodlumtheWOOOHOOHOOhoodlum · 08/11/2007 15:50

But that would work fine Meely, because one would hear the other breathing, iyswim

RBH · 08/11/2007 15:51

Sorry took too long to post!

mindalina · 08/11/2007 15:51

I thought it was hearing the adult breathing as well but bizarrely considering how much I fretted over him going into his own room, I never actually thought about this! I just put ds to bed in our room between 6 and 8 with baby monitors, fairly standard ones cost about £30/40? Can't remember but anyway they're so sensitive I can hear every breath he takes better than if I were in the room with him.

Also I have a strange light thing which plays you soothing noises to help you sleep. It has a heartbeat setting that I thought would probably do the trick so put on for him. Obviously have no idea whether it actually worked but it definitely made me feel better

tictacto · 08/11/2007 15:51

He is still so tiny. Mine never used to settle and would scream every few minutes id we tried. I used to settle mine downstairs with us in the corner of the room so they could hear us and feel like we were around without the stimulation if the TV/chatter or lights.

Do what feels right to you.

Meeely2 · 08/11/2007 15:54

i was in my own room from day one my mum said, she would check me every hour, and i slept through from 6 weeks AND I was breastfed - (polishes her halo!)

hazygirl · 08/11/2007 16:01

please follow any advice given to you by sids, they are the experts.

potoroo · 08/11/2007 16:22

We moved DS into a cot at 8 weeks and it had to be in his own room because our room was too small. (He is now 2.5)

HV (who is very helpful) suggested setting up baby monitor in reverse - so that he could hear us. We also left all the doors open so he could hear us directly anyway (DH snores so not likely to be a problem). Our house is not massive - DS's room is right next to ours.

We will be moving DD (7 weeks) soon because she is such a loud sleeper that she keeps us both awake - but again we will reverse the baby monitor and keep the doors open.

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