Toddler screaming at night

[Moonshine160]

DS is 2 in a few days time and for the last week he has been waking in the night crying and screaming in his cot. He has also been getting very upset at bedtime and nap time. I think it’s separation anxiety related because he has been very clingy even during the day but we are in desperate need of sleep now. The only way of settling him is by putting him in bed with me - which I don’t mind at all - but the problem is that he’s taking sometimes hours to get back to sleep even in our bed. He’s clearly exhausted and starts to doze off but then suddenly jumps up awake to check that I’m still next to him and the cycle continues. Or he simply gets out of the bed and starts wandering around. Last night for example he woke at 02:30 and didn’t go back to sleep until 6am :( he is incredibly overtired and I am exhausted and emotional. The co sleeping stops him crying but isn’t getting us any proper sleep so I don’t think it’s working for us. Is this just a phase and what can I do?

Prior to this he was a brilliant sleeper - he slept from around 7:30pm-7am with one nap during the early afternoon lasting around 2 hours.

Thank you.

Exactly the same here. DS2 is 2 in a few weeks and has been impossible to settle when he wakes at night. I used to be able to resettle him with some milk, not a good habit I know but it worked, but now he gets really angry with the milk and just wants to get up in the middle of the night. Won't sleep in our bed. Tried taking the sides off the cot in case he was waking himself up hitting the bars, he just wandered around the room and made loads of noise. Just like you said, he just wants to be awake for hours during the night and by the time he wants to go back to sleep, his brother is up!

He dropped his nap but I have been doing everything I can to get him to have a sleep during the day because I also think he is overtired. He has a far better night when he has managed to nap, but if he doesn't want to nap there isn't much you can do about it.

I've also started waking him at 7am come what may. So even if he's been awake from say 2:30 until 5:00, he still gets woken up at 7am and then I just pray I can get him to nap. I had been letting him lie in when he'd had a bad night and I think that has only contributed to poor routine and night time sleep. It's brutal when he's sleeping deeply and you're knackered as well, but we've got into a biscuits cycle.

I'm looking to send him to nursery for a couple of mornings/days a week. I'm a SAHM and my older DS goes to pre-school 3 days a week, so I'm thinking if I can just have them both in childcare at the same time a few times a week that at least gives me chance to catch up and get myself together.

So, no advice really, but a bit of solidarity- and shamelessly place marking in case someone comes along with a miracle cure!

@Moonshine160
Oh wow, I have been searching mums better for a post just like yours as we are in the EXACT same position! You may have read my post on the sleep forum of mums net recently too!?

Our daughter was also a fantastic sleeper for ages and slept a full night between 7-7 and then all of a sudden when she turned 2years old, she just wouldn't go to sleep without me being there next to her . We have also been thinking it is separation anxiety .

I sit with her whilst she goes to sleep at 7pm. Depending on the sort of day we have had , this can take 20mins , it can take 1 hour !!!! I started off sitting next to her cot , and then over time I now sit next to the door . I then make my escape. But around midnight-2am she wakes screaming snd shouting "oh no". I tried repeating sitting next to her again , but like you said in your post , it can take her hours to actually go back to sleep , it's like she's ok such a light sleep! So if I make my escape after a while, she immediately knows and screams such a high pitched scream again. It's impossible to stay sitting in her room throughout the early hours or the night

We are SO tired too, so we've resorted to taking in a camp bed into her room when she wakes after midnight . I worry so much that she is getting used to this and will rely on it, but there's nothing else we can do as we just need to sleep!

I would love to connect with you and chat more if you would be up for that ! I have no idea how to do that over Mumsnet though ! I've seen people say about private messaging but I don't know where that is on the Mumsnet app!!

Anyway, sorry for the long post and the fact I couldn't help at all but I hope my empathy helps a bit to know I am also going through the same at the moment !

@Moonshine160 ps I also meant to say we bought her into our bed twice now too. I don't know how people can cosleep on a regular basis because we just got kicked by all the constant wiggling !! We couldn't sleep either because we were so aware that she was in the middle of us!!!

@istheresomethingwrongwithme @Moonshine160 just wanted to check in to ask how are things going?
We are over a month now is serious sleep deprivation eeek xx

We had this a couple of months ago. DS is nearly 2. It lasted about 6 weeks he now sleeps through again. We didn't change anything! Hopefully you'll have some sleep again soon

Following with interesting... we’ve had the same. She’s 2 next month, and has been a good sleeper but for the last week up at night for around 2 hrs. Great nap in the day, lots of fresh air and natural light. No obvious signs of teething so we are at a loss!!!

I just came onto the sleep forum to ask the same question - only difference is that our DD is 17 months. She wakes up and occasionally just completely loses it and can't go back to sleep. We don't know what to do because she is so, so upset but we don't want to introduce any bad habits (but do occasionally end up sleeping on the floor...) @FATEdestiny please help!!

Prior to this he was a brilliant sleeper - he slept from around 7:30pm-7am with one nap during the early afternoon lasting around 2 hours.

Have you changed from a cot to a bed in that time?

Because yours sounds like a child not ready for a bed yet OP. The cot sides provide a significant amount of emotional security, a safe feeling. The loss of that safe feeling from being enclosed can cause havoc with toddler sleep.

I wouldn't recommend moving to a bed until after 3rd birthday. Some children, emotionally speaking, need longer than that.

Children develop physically as well as emotionally though and some parents feel they have to get rid of the cot due to physical development (ie child learns to climb) without giving regard to if child is emotionally ready.

In such case, I would tackle the cot climbing, not just get rid of the cot. It's perfectly normal that children will learn to do things that they are not allowed to do. For example when toddler can run, may run into road. You don't stop walking on pavements, you instead teach the toddler not to engage in dangerous behaviour. Same principle with cot climbing.

TLDR: OP's 2yo needs to be in a cot. It won't solve 3verything immediately. But it's a good first step

I've just wrote all that and see he is in a cot (I latched onto the "he gets out of bed and waders around" bit)

So anyway, scrap that.

It sounds like your child isn't benefiting from Cosleeping OP. So I would suggest stopping that.

Instead focus on consistantly helping baby feel safe in their cot. Also, to be independant in the whole settling routine.

Start with always putting child into the cot stood up. Then tap mattress and tell DC to lie down. Don't lie her down yourself. Do this every time.

Keep the environment conducive to sleep. You might need to leave the door ajar and leave a light on to help her feel safe. Make sure she's not to not or cold through the night.

Then I would be consistent about staying with her until asleep, but settling her in the cot. Sounds like she needs to trust you'll stay as she goes to sleep, to help her feel safe. Don't interact too much, not too much fussing. Hand on chest, compassionate look on your face, and just wait. Don't engage in conversation. Nothing noisy or anything like that.

Quiet, calm, patient.