From co-sleeping to CIO?

[mamadoit]

Has anyone gone directly from co-sleeping to using the Cry It Out method? I’ve come across a blog that says this method of sleep-training is not suitable for babies who co-slept with their parents. It doesn’t really explain why (too much of a change?.. but surely CIO is a big change anyway).

DD is 6 months old, she goes to sleep in her cot initially but once I’m in bed I’m too lazy to resettle her, so we co-sleep the rest of the night. I was totally planning to do CIO on her soon, but this has me wondering how co-sleeping affects the results.

P.S. Please don’t post saying CIO is cruel; you won’t change my mind about the value of sleep-training.

Do you mean controlled crying? CIO is just... leaving them to cry. Not going in. Abandoning them. You’re really going to go from a baby cosleeping next to their most-trusted, most-loved person, to crying alone for hours?

You can go from cosleeping to not, with much gentler methods. This is just brutal.

Why wouldn’t you try something more gentle than CIO first? It would be very cruel to go from one extreme to the other.

Cry it out is cruel. If you haven’t done it - literally left your baby who currently trusts you’ll respond to her needs to cry until she vomits or passes out - how can you possibly be so sure it’s a great idea?

If you want to stop co-sleeping there are gentle things you can start to do to change it but leaving your baby to cry and refuse to go to her at all is brutal and damaging.

It says that because co-sleeping is part of the gentle, responsive parenting style whereas CIO is totally the opposite! Imagine having all your needs met one night by someone you trust unconditionally to then literally leaving to cry your heart out the next. Please listen to the advice and find a middle ground first as recommended. So many other ways to sleep train a baby...

Cry it out is leaving them to cry without attending to them. It's not the only form of sleep training

Please don’t do CIO - there are so many gentler methods. Going from co sleeping to CIO would be a huge shock to her and incredibly upsetting.

You say elsewhere you did “a mixture of CIO and pick up out down” with your first.

Presumably PUPD was too much effort to you, or you found ignoring your child easy? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your 6 month old gains comfort from sleeping next you every night and now you want to CIO. So unbelievably cruel. No responsible parent who cared for their child would do that.

Don't they just mean that you can't really do any kind of CIO method on a baby who is literally in your bed? A baby who starts in the cot could be considered to have a different set of sleep behaviours from a baby who starts in the bed as a matter of course.

If you're going to try sleep training surely it would be best to use a method designed by an expert so you're not merely cobbling ideas together from different internet sources. Ferber and others point out that there are a lot of adjustments you should try first to see if the issue can be solved other ways before deciding to let them cry for a period of time. Crying in itself does not help a baby go to sleep.

Can’t Craig Calamari answer that? He’s an actual scientist apparently.

You know sleep training often has to be re done, you want to repeatedly convince you baby you don't care you come for her in the night? Even when she scared because of separation anxiety, of physical pain with teething?

I say this as someone who is awful at doing it, just put her back in her cot or side care a cot to your bed so you have more space but don't have to get up.

Ah, well. Never mind.

To answer you question.
If you really want to sleep train then you can't just let a baby cry without any reassurance.
My dd, at about a year suddenly wouldn't settle in her cot.
I used controlled crying, went up every 10 minutes, no talking just patting her back then leaving.
It took about a week until she was settling again at bedtime.
This was early evening though. I never did it in the night.
But, looking back I regret it.
The baby stage doesn't last long.

@Thesearmsofmine

Why wouldn’t you try something more gentle than CIO first? It would be very cruel to go from one extreme to the other.

My thoughts too.

The title of the thread made me shudder.

I co-slept with my daughter till about 8-9 months. Moved her into her cot when u realised I was waking her up in the night.

I don't agree with cry it out. Wouldn't of worked for my girl. Once she's worked up, she wouldn't of been able to calm herself down.

When I moved her to her cot the first 3 days were awful. So part co-slept. (Settled in cot at beginning of the night. The brought her in With me when she woke up). This sounds like what you are already doing? Then next bit was easy. I'd resettle her in her room. But I'd give it 5 mins before I went to her. 50% of the time she'd go back to sleep by herself. Within 2 weeks she was sleeping through some nights. Some nights she'd still want milk though. Before 12 months she was sleeping through mostly, with the odd night she'd need shhh patting back to sleep.

She's 20 months now. Goes in her cot awake, gets herself to sleep. Goes at least 11-12 hours. (Unless poorly). When we've been away, she's the same wherever we are. Going to bed has always been a positive happy experience.

CIO isn't recommended. It doesn't build positive sleep association. There are other more positive options.

You may have made you mind up but for anyone else reading the thread who hasn't decided yet - leaving babies to cry is cruel.

Some people can't be bothered to parent it's the only reason OP would consider this. It's laziness, cruelty and a serious lack of loving parental instinct.

I am all for sleep training and all of mine have been sleep trained. But why CIO? I never left any of mine to cry alone, grizzle yes but never actual distressed crying. What is the benefit of leaving baby to CIO over gentle sleep training methods. Is it that it takes longer? More effort? All of mine sleep beautifully.
A baby who is used to co sleeping will likely find CIO even more distressing that is why it isn’t advised.

There are many different ways to sleep train your child. You do not have to leave them to cry.

The best book we bought was 'teach your child to sleep'. It gives facts not opinions and gives many different options you can try.

You might be interested in looking at BASIS online. You will find evidence based world leading research into infant sleep there including lots of information about normal infant sleep and how babies sleep.

There are some great studies on how much sleep parents get and how often babies wake at night which might put things in perspective for you.

There are also studies done on sleep training which find that the results do not actually last.

Cry it out isn't suitable for any baby. It's child abuse

@mamadoit

I’ve come across a blog that says this method of sleep-training is not suitable for babies who co-slept with their parents. It doesn’t really explain why

Well, the posters are trying to explain this to you, OP! Why are you ignoring them???

P.S. Please don’t post saying CIO is cruel; you won’t change my mind about the value of sleep-training.

There are posters here literally backing sleep training!! Did you read the comments? The concern is the CIO method. Are you aware that there are other methods, OP?? And that they are also classed SLEEP TRAINING? Again, why are you ignoring them??

This is awful. So you have admitted that you cosleep because you are lazy and then you expect your tiny baby to cry alone?

This is shameful. And I sleep trained my son so I'm not against it.