When to go to them at night

[Yllasmik]

Hi All,

Just after a bit if advice. Ive always gone to my 4 month old when he stirs and whinges as i feed to sleep and if he cries its always been harder to resettle him. By whinge i mean making unhappy noise but not crying.

However tonight he was awake and whinged and i ledt him for 10minutes and he did settle himself and go back to sleep. I just felt awful leaving him that long sounding unhappy.

When do you all go to them? Do you wait for the crying before you do? How long would you let them whinge for before going in?

Just after a little reassurance!

At 4 months she slept near me, so whenever she woke. Until 6 months they should have all naps and sleeps in the same room as you. I’ve never left her to cry. Until she could speak words crying was her only method of communication. It’s still a sign she needs something.

He is in the same room as me, i'm just not sure when to settle him or when to let him settle himself. If he did loud cries i would obviously go to him straight away but he isnt.

Ime if your dc really needed you 10 mins in his cries would be louder not stopped...
Learning to self settle (which he did without any help from you!!) is a massive skill. And a massive bonus to the whole household. We all function better with sleep!

You did the right thing. Whingeing a bit but not crying - your baby is not in distress and as you found out resettled just fine. Not every minute of their young lives is going to be unicorns and fairies - it is their frustration that helps motivate them to learn to crawl, walk and learn. Your job is not to protect them from all discomfort but to support and nuture them enough while still letting them explore and become independent.
I'd stop the feeding to sleep though and let him fall asleep on his own.

Don’t stop feeding your 4 month old to sleep It’s easy, natural and convenient. The bizarre stuff people come out with is mind boggling.

Your job with a very young baby is precisely to protect them from as much discomfort as possible. The life isn’t fair message can come in time. When you choose to bring a child into the world you accept a level of inevitable inconvenience and disruption while they’re entirely dependent on you.

It's hated on here but we always put our son down and allowed up to 10 minutes for him to settle. Yes he sometimes cried for a few minutes but if there was nothing wrong he would settle himself to sleep within that time. We always had the video monitor on anyway. And we never left it longer than 10 minutes. If he hadn't settled within that time we would go back in to him.
It worked and he self settled from when we took him home and was sleeping through from 3 months.
I don't view it as the wrong thing because we knew if there was anything else wrong. It was simply about allowing him the time to go to sleep on his own.

Now you know your dc can settle in 10 mins.
As in no props necessary..
Some people don't even allow for any minutes. Then add rocking /swaddling /walking around /driving around /etc. Adding on props.
Mil once stood rocking ds's pram his entire nap time!! I told her to cut that shit out!!
A couple of my dc slept through from under a months old. Maybe 2 weeks old. Less fussing can work for some babies.

It certainly isn’t biologically normal or desirable for babies to be sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old. At 4 months I was 100% feeding to sleep and would settle them if they were crying, but if just complaining a little I’d give them a chance to go back to sleep themselves. So I’d say what you are doing sounds ok. As PP have said they should be in the same room as you for sleeping at 4 months and I think that helps too, they know you are there and they are safe.

Our daughter made what we called Dino noises for a long time. They sounded upset but she would make them even when being held etc sometimes. It was just her going to sleep noise. Now 2.5 and occasionally cries for a minute or two before going to sleep, she’s just tired. It’s a very different noise to when she’s in distress & I think as the parent you know best what the difference is. She also was sleeping mostly through around 8 weeks and 100% by 3 months.

I would let mine grizzle for a good few minutes but I wouldn’t leave them to actually cry in a distressed way and I still don’t at any age.
I didn’t feed to sleep on a regular basis beyond six weeks either and did give mine a chance to settle themselves for naps and bedtime from about 6 weeks. If they were upset I would help settle them with as little input as possible but sometimes I did feed to sleep. I don’t think there is anything wrong with feeding to sleep and equally I don’t think there is anything wrong with giving baby a chance to settle themselves. It just depends what works for you and baby.

I only pick up DD (3 months) if she cries, after realising I'd been waking her up when she'd murmured/grizzled in her sleep and would never have woken up at all.

I didn't set out or do anything to have very very young sleepers.. In fact I lay awake most nights with painful full boobs and missing my baby!!

The sleepers were well deserved compo for the buggars that didn't!!