4 month old cries when I put him down and even when I pick him!

[Laura1990111]

So my little one is 4 months old. He is swaddled as he sleeps better once he is asleep.
However the initial problem is getting him to sleep to start with!
I have to rock him to sleep but I have to wait until he is in a deep sleep before I can put him down.
I've seen all the 'self-soothing', 'put him down drowsy but awake' and it honestly doesn't work for him.
I put him down and he starts to cry. I pick him up and he screams even more and it takes ages to settle him again then.
I've tried putting him in his cot and then lying next to him, patting him, singing to him, stroking him, putting my hand on his belly. Side cuddling him. He'll just lie there crying. Eventually I pick him up and he screams more and then I just have to wait until he stops. Then wait another 20 minutes for him to deep sleep again. It's just exhausting and I can't go on like this.

He has a dark room, white noise machine, swaddle, I always make sure he's eaten, he's had his nappy changed, he's not too hot or cold. I just can't figure out why.
If I picked him up and then he stopped crying then he obviously just wanted cuddles but he still cries even when I try and comfort him. HELP 😔

Colic. Which translates roughly to “cries because they just fucking want to”

My little girl was ruthless. I tried everything the only thing to ever make a slight bit of different was baby piano lullabies (she didn’t care for whitenoise) and clicking the one end of the next to me higher so she was on a very slight angle to help with reflux (she was a reflux sufferer too)

You can do it. You will do it. You will get through it. It feel like forever, but it isn’t. I promise it does get better, you’ve just got to stick it out, one day at a time and don’t keep thinking “I can’t deal with this tomorrow” think about today, then deal with tomorrow when it comes.

Is it colic even when he's fine in the day?

My sleep consultant once told me that by picking the baby back up they will be expecting you to do something and when we don't that's why the crying continues or even worsens. It's almost like resetting the clock by picking them up.

No idea if it's right, but we tried everything we could to keep our baby in the cot for as long as possible, not letting her cry it out as we were there for her throughout. Some times were hard, it could have been 25-30 minutes. But eventually she settled down enough for us to put the dummy in a shush her back to sleep.

I know it sounds like a bit of a rubbish answer but you're baby is only 4 months, and is still really young. And it's bloody tough at that age. And sometimes all that works is just time, eventually they find their own routine and own way to settle. Our little girl is 10 months now and it's only in the past month we've seen major improvements.

Keep your chin up. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job!

Thank you. I'm trying my best. Just feel like I'm doing something wrong. I've tried a dummy and he won't take one. I just don't know what to do

Yea colic is literally the unknown crying of a baby, for hours. No one really actually knows what it is or what causes it which is why it’s such a relentless and awful thing to experience.

I know it doesn’t feel like it now; but not taking a dummy will be a blessing later on when you don’t need to wean them off of it. My daughter didn’t take to one either and I don’t envy the people who are trying to wean their 18+ month babies off of them. Not that I’m against dummies at all- we tried. But I’m glad it didn’t work for us in the end.

You’re not doing anything wrong. You’ve got this brand new tiny human who’s never experienced the things they’re beginning to see, hear and feel. They’re used to the sound of you, your heart and being in a constant sack of warm water inside of you. They can’t communicate with you through anything other than crying, it’s a huge learning curve for both of you.

People keep saying I'm doing a bad thing by rocking him but I can't get him to sleep any other way. I'm trying but he just gets really stressed

Also, the drowsy but awake thing is a myth for most babies, especially when very young.