18 month early waking

[Sillymummies123]

Hi all

I should preface this by saying I am very fortunate. DS sleeps soundly from bedtime to morning, but the morning has over the past few weeks crept an hour earlier and I’m absolutely losing my mind.

Toddler starts stories and milk at about 18:30, in bed at around 18:50 and grizzling but then asleep at 19:00.

Fast forward -> crying starts at 05:15. I don’t think he’s fully awake but it’s constant. I don’t go in until at least 6 but I am also wide awake because he’s half asleep crying, and then eventually Awake crying.

I’m pregnant and I’m struggling. Please tell me how to get him to sleep longer / long enough.

Well, there's no magic. Either put him to bed later, or shorten his naps ?

@Marty13

Well, there's no magic. Either put him to bed later, or shorten his naps ?

His naps vary wildly because he hates sleep. Either 30 minutes or 2 hours, usually an hour on average. Putting to bed later would be lame but I would try it if it would address the ‘help him get enough sleep point’.

He is absolutely shattered and has spent most of the morning crying/ falling over / grizzling in a ball on the floor. I’ve tried everything I can think of to break these morning wakes. Straight In, wait until a set time, ferber, hold back breakfast, no fun before 6am. I’ve tried those things at least a week or two each (some in combination obviously) and he just seems to want to wake at about 85% rested.

When DS goes through these phases (he's a similar age), I offer him some milk when he wakes early. Quite often he has that and then goes back to sleep for a few hours.

Thank you! I could try - he’s not a huge fan of milk anymore. We struggle to get any into him. Having to give lots of cheese and yoghurt etc.

We put him to bed later today a he had exactly the same amount of sleep and is now awake. I’m resigning myself to a bit of a slog until he’s able to speak and I can introduce a toddler clock.

I realise this isn't what you want to hear but that's pretty normal and actually quite good for a toddler. Mine does exactly the same and so did his older brother. It is tiring but we get through it by taking turns to get up with them and going to bed early.

Lots of my friends have toddlers still up several times a night or cosleeping. Sleeping through but getting up early isn't that bad in comparison

I'm in a similar boat with my 20month old. She's started waking around 6ish when it's always been at least 7.30 sometimes 8.30 but it's not crying she just sings lol. But same as yours she goes down for 7pm and we don't hear a peep all night so got to be grateful for that.

Didn't want to read and run, you have my sympathy. My daughter has been doing the same for months, she's 10 months and I can't see an end to it. I could take the morning if she was well rested but she is obviously still tired.

It’s tiring but I agree, pretty much normal. My four year old still wakes up early sometimes!

My 6 year old has always got up around that time and still does. Obviously different now as she can sort herself out a bit more.
Can you not go to bed earlier and then nap when he does? I’m not sure there are other solutions.

Not what you want to hear, but both of mine were early risers around that age until they were around 2 (except early for us was often 4am!) With the first I tried loads of things- cutting naps, swapping naps, later bed, early bed, gro clocks, blackout blinds, leaving them, putting them in with me, milk when wake, porridge before bed etc. Nothing worked, and it just made me stressed (I was pregnant too). With child 2 I just accepted it as a phase they'd grow out of and we were all happier. Sadly, you might just have to ride it out. CBeebies is your friend!

Oh, and even at 2 when they improved, it was still 5:45 wake ups. Just compared to what came previously I no longer defined that as early

He's sleeping for over 10 hours straight, I'm not sure you can expect much more. Yes there are some dc that do 12 hours but ime they aren't the norm. My dc have never slept more than 8 hours at a time ever. (They are 8 and 11 now). The timing will naturally change as they get older and more active in the day with later bed time. You probably have to embrace the early starts for now and have earlier nights yourself.

I’m surprised that the responses are so skewed towards this being normal. All internet articles and friends with similar ages argue that it isn’t. Most of those sources cite less than 11 hours as being ‘too little’, and his exhaustion upon waking us in line with that.

I’m not sure ‘I haven’t cracked night wakings yet and so your problem isn’t a problem’, which is the message from some, is that helpful. My son is literally spending an hour or two rolling around red faced and crying after waking, and that’s an unpleasant way for all of us to live, and so I reached out for help.

Wouldn’t give a shit if we he woke at 4am if he was rested! I’d just move the bedtime later so he woke up rested as a later date. That isn’t the issue!

And apologies if my efforts from day one to support self soothing and through sleeping offend some, but it is possible for different scales of problems to still be problems.

If anyone has any practical advice to help extend my toddlers sleep time, please do share. I’d be very appreciative of non-patronising advice

@Fantail86

Didn't want to read and run, you have my sympathy. My daughter has been doing the same for months, she's 10 months and I can't see an end to it. I could take the morning if she was well rested but she is obviously still tired.

And you have mine... I’m very worried about the impact on development of being eternally sleep deprived. Am currently trialing absolutely stuffing him with food pre-bedtime. I will report back.

10 hours is sleep in a row is a good amount plus a nap. I wouldn’t describe a kid who does that as one who hates sleep.

It’s getting lighter earlier now so is his room dark at 5am still? We use those portable stick on black out blinds to try and make the room darker.

I would embrace the 10 hours you get in a row as my 2 year old has never done that... I’m not exaggerating!!!

Also please don’t worry about his development

My eldest was a sleeper and my youngest isn’t. My youngest is defo way more ‘advanced’ I’m everything than my sleeper!! Well bar the sleep!

Ok, that was a bit bitchy. I’m sorry. I’m sleep deprived AND have had non-stop tantruming for 2 hours, as is the case every day. He’ll probably pass out at 9 through exhaustion.

Does he get plenty of outdoor exercise? I know that’s difficult when you’re pregnant but could anyone take him out for you?
If he’s tantruming from when he’s awake I’d be tempted to try getting out almost as soon as he’s awake and taking him for a long walk or to the park so at least he’s distracted.
Breakfast and milk once home and put him down and see if he has a decent nap then.
Sorry OP it must be tough

I’m surprised that the responses are so skewed towards this being normal. All internet articles and friends with similar ages argue that it isn’t. Most of those sources cite less than 11 hours as being ‘too little’, and his exhaustion upon waking us in line with that.

Unfortunately babies don't read the text books and it is the case that in real life that it's far less common to sleep for that amount of time. It's highly unlikely that after over 10 hours of solid sleep (with napping on top) that your dc is sleep deprived, exhausted or likely to be developmentally damaged. You are being advised by people with more than one older dc who have most likely been in your shoes. I think in the long run it's better to be realistic about expectations even if you don't like the answer. Grumpy waking is common, my brother (and all 3 of his dc who were all good nighttime sleepers like your dc interestingly) have all been notorious for it. It's a case of finding what snaps them out of it and a good bit of riding it out - they are still working on the 4 year olds but the teens are delightful now

It's much more normal than people would have you think and it's shit!

DC1 is now 12 and has developed as expected was the same. It was 5am for sodding years. He did eventuay grow out of it. He's still in bed now...

DC2 loved sleep at that age but now (at age 8) gets up at 6am without fail.

DC3 is nearly 18 months and is another 5am waker. I had forgotten how much I hate 5am.

What I found worked with DC1 was to roll with it but put him down for a nap at 9am ish. He needed the sleep then and it made for a much nicer day. He ate heaps as soon as he woke as he was a thundercloud before breakfast. I used to have to give him a banana asap while making his porridge etc or he'd just be a ball of rage.

DC3 isn't like that and is cheery when he wakes. He tends to breakfast at 7isn and doesn't need a nap until lunchtime.

You do have my sympathy because it is exhausting and hard but it is normal so hopefully that will help stop you worrying about it a bit. As they get older it's easier to manage. Is there anyone who could give you a bit of a break? It sounds like you could do with a chance to get a bit more rest yourself.

@midnightstar66

I’m surprised that the responses are so skewed towards this being normal. All internet articles and friends with similar ages argue that it isn’t. Most of those sources cite less than 11 hours as being ‘too little’, and his exhaustion upon waking us in line with that.

Unfortunately babies don't read the text books and it is the case that in real life that it's far less common to sleep for that amount of time. It's highly unlikely that after over 10 hours of solid sleep (with napping on top) that your dc is sleep deprived, exhausted or likely to be developmentally damaged. You are being advised by people with more than one older dc who have most likely been in your shoes. I think in the long run it's better to be realistic about expectations even if you don't like the answer. Grumpy waking is common, my brother (and all 3 of his dc who were all good nighttime sleepers like your dc interestingly) have all been notorious for it. It's a case of finding what snaps them out of it and a good bit of riding it out - they are still working on the 4 year olds but the teens are delightful now

Yes to riding it out until a solution arises. No to that solution being ‘waiting’. No to ‘babies not following textbooks’. Babies follow the teaching they receive. I taught him to sleep well through the night but don’t know how to teach him to react in a better way to the mornings, hence I’m asking for advice. The textbooks are written based on research into babies and toddlers, they wouldn’t state something unless it was true. They might if the authors were not qualified, but I wouldn’t read that anyway.

My MIL has a little one who hits, slaps, bites, and he’s about five. Every time he does this, his mum says ‘he’s only little he doesn’t understand’. You and I would likely say ‘you need to teach him to understand’, which is the same with everything - sleep included. I don’t know why some people seem keen to access subpar sleep for their children and for themselves.

So I am looking for a way of teaching him :) I’ve seen lots of practical advice, which I have tried, but there’s clearly something wrong in the way I’ve approached is that it isn’t working.

I don’t know about him being rested after 10 hours. Clearly he isn’t, as he’s falling asleep about two to three hours later if I let him (I don’t often, because I am led to understand that would likely reinforce it). Likewise adults are fine if they get a certain number of hours, but pissed off it they’re an hour or two under.

Again - if there are any other tips I would really welcome them :)

@unexpectedthird

It's much more normal than people would have you think and it's shit!

DC1 is now 12 and has developed as expected was the same. It was 5am for sodding years. He did eventuay grow out of it. He's still in bed now...

DC2 loved sleep at that age but now (at age 8) gets up at 6am without fail.

DC3 is nearly 18 months and is another 5am waker. I had forgotten how much I hate 5am.

What I found worked with DC1 was to roll with it but put him down for a nap at 9am ish. He needed the sleep then and it made for a much nicer day. He ate heaps as soon as he woke as he was a thundercloud before breakfast. I used to have to give him a banana asap while making his porridge etc or he'd just be a ball of rage.

DC3 isn't like that and is cheery when he wakes. He tends to breakfast at 7isn and doesn't need a nap until lunchtime.

You do have my sympathy because it is exhausting and hard but it is normal so hopefully that will help stop you worrying about it a bit. As they get older it's easier to manage. Is there anyone who could give you a bit of a break? It sounds like you could do with a chance to get a bit more rest yourself.

Thanks so much for your advice!

I would be totally happy to run with a 9am nap but he ends up grizzly and tired at about 3, but then WILL NOT sleep until bed time. And then the day is hell from about lunch onward. Did you find that or was 9am enough? He’s been on one nap a day for a while but I wonder whether neurological he’s just not ready for 2 or 1, but rather some halfway house where he’s too tired to be happy but not enough to fall asleep?

Thanks x

The thing is you can't teach someone not to wake up. You can teach them how to settle and go back to sleep but hormones control waking times.

All my children have been 'taught' to self settle. Some were better at it than others but all three have been able to settle themselves to sleep. It made no difference to wake up times and, having been where you are, I know it feels like there should be a way to overcome it if you just know how. There really isn't.

Children are individuals who can be taught but they are also all themselves and come into the teaching with different biology and personalities. The same approaches will have different impacts and sometimes you have to accept who they are.

Early waking isn't a behavioural problem.

DC1 slept for 45 mins at 9ish then 45 mins at 1ish until he started preschool nursery at 3. He definitely needed two naps but wasn't able to sleep for longer at either. I used to dream of one 2 hour nap but it just didn't happen.

DC2 dropped naps entirely at 13 months.😭

I honestly remember how awful it was. I genuinely considered the benefits of divorce at one point, when DH had to work away, because it would mean I'd get some mornings off.

I promise it will end though and he will start being cheerier. There is so much going on developmentally at this age that their brains are buzzing and it has a massive impact on sleep at times.

@unexpectedthird

DC1 slept for 45 mins at 9ish then 45 mins at 1ish until he started preschool nursery at 3. He definitely needed two naps but wasn't able to sleep for longer at either. I used to dream of one 2 hour nap but it just didn't happen.

DC2 dropped naps entirely at 13 months.😭

I honestly remember how awful it was. I genuinely considered the benefits of divorce at one point, when DH had to work away, because it would mean I'd get some mornings off.

I promise it will end though and he will start being cheerier. There is so much going on developmentally at this age that their brains are buzzing and it has a massive impact on sleep at times.

Thank you for not getting angry at my bitchiness and for helping. There’s an unfortunate undercurrent beneath this which is that I have yet to feel an ounce of happiness or enjoyment from any of this parenting thing, mostly because my DS is always angry and shouting/ screaming. I’ve posted many times about it which has provided a little catharsis but the direction never changes. 18 months in I’m getting a little panicky that I’ll never find happiness again and am rather exploring ways to improve his mood - ditching 2 hours of cryi at the start of the day would help but alas - ill keep putting one foot in front of the other.