Baby won't sleep alone

[n3wmum20]

Sorry for the long post. - Asking for help not judgement please 💕

Having an absolute nightmare with regards to my 7month old baby & sleep..

At the moment due to lockdown and our circumstances our 7mo spends the majority of her time with me due to my partner working full time. My mum is in our bubble but doesn't mind her alone at the moment due to her work and we've no need for her to do so as we manage well, so she's more of a social interaction for our daughter than childcare until July.

But whenever she naps she won't sleep unless she is being cuddled by either myself or her dad.
It makes no difference how deep of a sleep she is in either,she just won't sleep on her own.
It makes no difference at what sleep stage she is in either as I can put her down as soon as she falls asleep or 10/15 minutes into her nap & She wakes up instantly screaming and won't settle again. - no matter how tired she is.
I've tried putting her down before she falls asleep to get her to get used to getting herself off and that has the same outcome.

Of a night time it's exactly the same, I've tried putting her in her cot in her own room once she's asleep but she wakes up instantly and screams uncontrollably, the only way she will sleep is if she co-sleeps with one of us but we have to cuddle her (she won't even sleep next to us). We get 8-10 hours of an unsettled sleep but we've put up with this as she's actually sleeping and we get some sort of sleep ourselves.

I need to get her out of this routine and into sleeping in her cot in her own room, but we're really struggling as the screams are uncontrollable and our walls are thin and our neighbour is a teacher so I'm conscious of her needing sleep as she also wfh.

Any ideas as to ways I can get her to stay in her cot for longer than 5 minutes? And preferably most of the night would be much appreciated! 💕
I have also tried to pop her in her cot for naps of a day but it's exactly the same scenario & rigmarole of screaming and working herself up.
Luckily I'm not back in work until July but I need to nip this in the bud now. 😴😴
I'm willing to try ANYTHING!
Sincerely a very tired Mummy!

Sorry I can’t be of any help, but I’m watching with interest as I’m having the same issue with my boy!

Have you tried pick up put down? You don't leave them in the cot until unhappy/crying you pick them up before that stage.

Also if baby is really anti-cot from previous cots I would try it with them sitting in cot to play with toys so they build positive associations with it.

Another approach is that they nap in your bed with you right next to them rather than cuddling them?

Can you side-car the cot to your bed and get a filler for the gap between your mattress and hers?

This is what we did with the 2/4 of mine who were similarly clingy. I was happy for them to cry for cuddles while I was right there, only offering a hand to hold. The first night with my first, she screamed horribly but was down within half an hour. Woke a couple of times the first night but by night 3 she took 10 mins to fall asleep and was waking once.

The second clingy baby was one of twins so very used to snuggling someone! He took a bit longer but not more than 5 days. He still isn't a fantastic sleeper at 14 months, but he will go down with only a brief grumble these days!

@RandomMess a problem that I keep having is as soon as I put her down she wakes up and cries, it doesn't have to be her cot I think it's just the motion of being put down & not being held. :/
I've been trying positive association with her cot of a day playing in it and she's fine and not seeming to dislike it.
She seems to be the same when co sleeping too - holding her hand or any sort of touch other than holding her just doesn't seem to work :/

Sorry if I come across as though I'm 'pooing' all your suggestions.

@RedSauceSpaghetti I'll give this a try, I'd been reluctant to do that as ideally I'd prefer her in her own room but I'll give anything a go at this stage!
I should also mention her Dad gives in and cuddles her for an easy nights sleep, so I'll have to train him too! 😂😂
Thankyou

7-8 months is a big sleep regression with a side of separation anxiety. This is not something to “nip in the bud”: it’s a biological need. Just do what she needs. It will be completely different in a few weeks.

With PUPD you only ever put them down awake, drowsy but awake.

I hope it works for you! Once they can settle themselves next to you, it's a fairly quick transition to their own separate sleep space, and then very smooth transition into their their room, I find. It's like they just need to develop the skill to fall asleep without you, and once they have, it all falls into place!

@RandomMess oh I see, I'll give that a try Thankyou!
@RedSauceSpaghetti Fingers crossed it's not too much longer :) Thanks for your help!

Hope you’ve had a better night tonight. Just jumping on to say that my DD was similar. Wouldn’t even sleep next to me so safe co sleeping wasn’t an option. She needed to be on me or DH. It was normal and lovely but unsustainable after the first three months, for me. I tried a sleepyhead and suddenly I could rock her to sleep and put her down and she would stay asleep! It was like a miracle. I was also able to use the sleepyhead to teach her how to fall asleep by herself when she was 4 months old, which was great and didn’t involve lots of crying, just a gradual retreat approach. Then when she was getting too big for it around 6 months I took it away and she didn’t even seem to notice. They do a bigger size though it baby can’t get used to life without one.

I do want to point out that sleep pods generally aren’t recommended by the lullaby trust but unless someone comes to correct me when I researched it there had never been any deaths or injuries in a sleepyhead (though this is not the case for all sleep pods). I chose to use a sleepyhead as I was getting so exhausted I’d fallen asleep with DD in my arms and she’d sort of slid down and it looked dangerous. It really frightened me. For me, the risks associated with unsafe cosleeping were greater than the risks associated with the sleepyhead. I would use one again with another child if I had the same issue with wanting to be held all night long. Not from birth, as I think that’s to be expected, but definitely after the first couple of months.

@Dillybear I have thought about using one, but as a new mum and the fact that everyone presses on about sids risks and do this and don't do that. It's not safe and what not. I have previously had the opinion of 'it's a sids risk, no' or 'it's not safe, no' but lack of sleep and waking up with back pain and body aches I don't know how much longer this can go on. I'm considering something similar but of course being very safe regarding use.

Thankyou for your suggestion and sharing previous experience!

Yeah I was just the same - it was a firm ‘no’ for me too. But then I realised that the alternative was less safe (for me) - trying to stay awake so she could sleep on me and falling asleep with her like that. And then if I had to drive anywhere driving her around like that. The way I saw it, nothing is risk free and it was about balancing the risks for me. Not using one had become much less safe than using one. Of course, it didn’t stop the night wakings, but it did really help as at least while she slept I could try to sleep too. Hope things improve for you.

Sorry, I didn’t drive around with her on me 😂 just meant having to drive while I was so tired.

@Dillybear definitely something to think about and weigh up our situation and safety risks but looks like we're leaning more towards it. She luckily sleeps in the car so when she gets bad I can go out for a drive but can't drive all night long for obvious reasons 😂

We had a similar problem with DS when he was around 5 months but not quite as bad, he would settle on his own but not for as long.

I used to let him fall asleep on me then lie down still cuddling him and shh him when he grumbled at the moment, then bit by bit every few minutes slowly move him till he was lying next to me but still touching, then I could slowly move away but still stayed close so I could put a hand back on him and shh him if he stirred.

Took a while but he now sleeps in his own room and naps on his own. Mostly anyway, he does come into our bed after a certain time in the morning but that's normally after about 6am so really morning just we want to sleep longer so he gets away with cuddles and sleeping for a bit longer with us. But we will get up with him if he doesn't want to settle.

He's still clingy when he's poorly or teething but think that's normal for babies. He's a very cuddly baby anyway. He's 12 1/2 months now.

Ours was like that. She grew out of it by about ten months. The only thing I did was put her down (after about eight minutes is good, but at the time I did twenty). When she cried, I picked her back up and kept hold of her for the rest of the nap. I did that every nap. One day at ten months, I put her down and she stayed down. And that was that 🤷.

Don't worry, she'll do it when she's ready.

When DS was like this I wore one of DHs t shirts to bed then slipped it over the mattress tucked in like a sheet, i put a hot water bottle in the cot then settled him with me, once he was deeply asleep I would lift the hot water bottle out, put DS in with my hand on his tummy until I knew he was still fully asleep and would then sneak out, he was still in a next to me cot at that age, so in the night I could just reach out and settle him and he could hear us breathing.
He now sleeps in his own room and likes a story and then thunderstorm sounds to go to sleep!