How do I seep when my newborn won't sleep unless held

[Reabamum]

Hi All, I have a 21 month old and a newborn who is 3 days old. He will only sleep on my chest. I know this is normal, but not sure what to do as I am so sleep deprived and can't do many more nights like this. My husband takes him for a couple of hours before he goes to bed so that I can get some rest, but I can't survive on just that for much longer. He can't take him much during the day as he is looking after our 21 month old. We have no other support available.

Just wondering if others have been in the same position and how you coped? Do you just try to sleep a bit with your baby on your chest and hope they will be ok? Is there anything else I can try? I've tried swaddling and lying him next to me, but he just gets uncomfortable on his back. My daughter was the same and it went in for 6 months, so I'm a bit worried.

Thank you

Both of mine were like this. Co-sleeping. Evict DH to the spare bed/sofa. Take the duvet off the bed and wrap yourself in a blanket and warm pyjamas, pillow well clear of baby. Lie baby next to you in a baby sleeping bag. Feed to sleep in situ. Inch yourself down a bit once s/he’s asleep, so you’re still in smelling distance and with some contact facing him/her. You’ll at least be horizontal and able to alternate between side lying facing your baby and on your back.

Your DH can of course look after both children together - presumably this is exactly what you will be doing after his couple of weeks of paternity leave ends... If you can sleep for a couple of separate four hour stretches (if you're breast feeding) it will make all the difference.

If the baby only sleeps on your chest even cosleeping may not help yet - don't try to sleep with the baby on your chest, that is not safe cosleeping, though I remember it being so difficult to avoid! If they will sleep next to ypu obviously you can set up safe co sleeping, but it sounds as if you have one of those babies who needs to actually be on your chest, not next to you.

It may be that when your baby is a little bit bigger you can find a position tjebaby toletates in the cot, with head end slightly raised - sometimes the only sleeping on a parent isdue is a third trimester need for warmth/ heart beat/ comfort but sometimes its reflux. Obviously of course a reflux baby is in pain/ discomfort so also looking for the comfort of proximity, so it can be difficult to separate the two.

For now with the baby so tiny your DH needs to get on and look after both his children for sufficient time to allow you to get enough sleep to survive - he has two children, the same as you, and is no more incapable of looking after both together than you are!

Could you keep the baby on your chest until they are in a deep sleep, wait 30 mins, then put them down?

I had this same issue with my DS who is now 5 months. I would wait until he fell asleep and then placed him in the cot, as a PP said. It was tough with sometimes him waking up the moment I laid him down in the cot but I just kept at it as he would not cosleep and only wanted to sleep being held. I know how you feel OP

Be careful to never sleep holding your baby OP.

When my LO was newborn he only slept in our arms, so at night me and OH would make some snacks and drinks and get a tablet loaded with boxsets, and I would stay awake and hold baby 12-2am while other half slept, then I'd wake him and he'd hold baby 2-4am etc, 4-6 and 6-8am and we'd both get 4 hours sleep.

I know it sounds crazy, but we are both against co -sleeping (for ourselves, not for other people) and after a few weeks he could be put down in his cot and we both got sleep.

He's 9 months now and wakes every 2-3 hours still. . :_(

When ours was tiny if they fell asleep on us on the sofa we would often slide them off to be into the sofa, obviously can't move but at least hands are free. Or would set up cushy blanket area on the floor, rock to sleep on legs then transfer over onto floor. Or just put them down in crib/pram carrycot, she did wake sometimes but if you keep doing it they might get used to it. Or DH would get them asleep in the Baby Bjorn carrier and he would just keep her there as he did chores or you can take the back off that and place them down in the crib on it. Will they sleep in a bouncy chair or in the pram?

Seconding @ElphabaTheGreen. Feed them snuggled up,against you but in a safe environment. They get used to that pretty quickly. You can gradually move away from them over a week or so once they’ve got used to it. Otherwise, in the meantime you and your DH will have to do shifts. DMum or MIL available to help during the day so you can rest then?

What happens when you put him down once in a deep sleep?

Ds was like this for the first few days but he gradually learned to tolerate sleeping next to me rather than on top of me. I would lie on my side and feed him in that position and then edge away once he was asleep, so I didn't actually need to move him. Good luck!