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Original poster

Any advice on sleep training a 5 year old?

27 replies

Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 10:11

Hello,

Our 5 year DD sleeps really well once she's asleep but for a while now she's been playing up at bed time. DD will call out literally as soon as we've walked out of her bedroom. Reasons range from needing a cuddle (which we've just given her) to thinking there may be bogeys on her pillow! The worst nights she's still shouting out to us at 8:45 when she went to bed at 7. There's been one or two nights in about a month where she'll go to sleep straight away.

A friend suggested that we use bedtime passes. If DD didn't call us again after using her 2 bedtime passes she'd get a sticker. A lot of the time she just says 'Oh well I'll try again another night'. I don't feel like this works for her.

Sometimes DD doesn't come out of her room, she'll shout to us as well to ask mulitple questions. DD is lovely, well mannered and we're so lucky but I just wish we could get to the bottom of this. We spend lots of one on one time with her. She's an only child so no other children to take our time up.

I know this is so common and it may just be a phase but if anyone has been through similar and has any advice I'd love to hear it!

Thanks in advance Smile

OP posts:
FurryGiraffe · 17/02/2021 10:24

If bedtime is at 7, is she definitely tired then? Is there a possibility she needs a slightly later bedtime?

Timing of bedtime aside, this is a really weird time for children: no school, no seeing friends, no/limited contact with family. I think it's almost inevitable that we see some behavioural reaction- maybe this is hers.

One thing that works quite well for my DS1 (7) is to promise that I'll come back and give him a kiss in 15 mins. It gives him the reassurance that I'm there/coming back and removes the impetus for getting up/calling out!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/02/2021 10:25

Is she expected to lie in the dark till she drifts off or does she have a lamp and some books she can look at till she falls asleep?

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 17/02/2021 10:32

Our 3 year old did this and in the end, we had to get tough. When he called out after tuck in, I went back in only once. Dealt with whatever his request was, made sure he had everything he needed and then told him very clearly that Mummy was hungry and going to cook her dinner, that it was time for sleep and I would not be coming back in. He kicked up a fuss that night, quite a bit of shouting (although was a bit angry, not actually distressed). That one evening did it though, he decided the game wasn’t fun any more and didn’t do it. For a few nights, a tuck in, I reinforced that I was going to cook my dinner and I’d see him in the morning.

Just to be clear, he was perfectly capable of opening the door and coming out to us if he wanted. I also would have gone to him if he’s got distressed, I just ignored his increasing volume of demands.

minipie · 17/02/2021 10:38

My 5 year old went through the same phase

She’s now nearly 6 and is no longer doing it

She goes to bed more like 7.45 now. I think they are just not as tired during lockdown.

We also had a deal: she gets an extra 5 minutes cuddle at bedtime, but if she then calls out or comes downstairs after we’ve said night night, she doesn’t get the 5 minutes the next day. I’m not sure how much that helped vs the later bedtime.

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:06

@FurryGiraffe

If bedtime is at 7, is she definitely tired then? Is there a possibility she needs a slightly later bedtime?

Timing of bedtime aside, this is a really weird time for children: no school, no seeing friends, no/limited contact with family. I think it's almost inevitable that we see some behavioural reaction- maybe this is hers.

One thing that works quite well for my DS1 (7) is to promise that I'll come back and give him a kiss in 15 mins. It gives him the reassurance that I'm there/coming back and removes the impetus for getting up/calling out!

She is often yawning at this time so I think she is tired. I'll look out for sleepy cues though and make sure.

I think the situation could be a factor. I'm hoping it might ease itself once she's back at school.

Great idea on the promise to come back. I'll try that thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:07

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Is she expected to lie in the dark till she drifts off or does she have a lamp and some books she can look at till she falls asleep?
She's got a night light on and does have a bookshelf in her room. We've suggested she looks at books before. Could give it another go thanks.
OP posts:
SimonJT · 17/02/2021 11:09

What routine/things do you do in the 1-2 hours before bedtime?

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:10

@FizzingWhizzbee123

Our 3 year old did this and in the end, we had to get tough. When he called out after tuck in, I went back in only once. Dealt with whatever his request was, made sure he had everything he needed and then told him very clearly that Mummy was hungry and going to cook her dinner, that it was time for sleep and I would not be coming back in. He kicked up a fuss that night, quite a bit of shouting (although was a bit angry, not actually distressed). That one evening did it though, he decided the game wasn’t fun any more and didn’t do it. For a few nights, a tuck in, I reinforced that I was going to cook my dinner and I’d see him in the morning.

Just to be clear, he was perfectly capable of opening the door and coming out to us if he wanted. I also would have gone to him if he’s got distressed, I just ignored his increasing volume of demands.

Thank you. With everything going on I'd probably try something like this once there is some kind of normality back.
OP posts:
Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:13

@minipie

My 5 year old went through the same phase

She’s now nearly 6 and is no longer doing it

She goes to bed more like 7.45 now. I think they are just not as tired during lockdown.

We also had a deal: she gets an extra 5 minutes cuddle at bedtime, but if she then calls out or comes downstairs after we’ve said night night, she doesn’t get the 5 minutes the next day. I’m not sure how much that helped vs the later bedtime.

Maybe a later bedtime would help then. She's always gone to bed at 7 and I've been wondering lately when to change it. Thank you!
OP posts:
minipie · 17/02/2021 11:14

Once they are back at school it may need to be earlier again!

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:15

@SimonJT

What routine/things do you do in the 1-2 hours before bedtime?
DD has always had a good routine (we think). Tea/dinner (whatever you call it Grin) at 5, then she gets to watch a bit of telly or play until 6:15 (unless it's bath night and then it's 6). We go upstairs and do toilet, teeth, story and bed for 7. We have cuddles and kisses and sing to her which has always been her routine.
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Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:16

@minipie

Once they are back at school it may need to be earlier again!
Probably! I think we underestimate how much energy school uses and home schooling just isn't the same!
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MeadowHay · 17/02/2021 11:20

I'm wondering if the bed time is just too early as well. My DD is 2 and goes to bed about 8, wakes between 7.30 and 8 the next day, usually naps for an hour after lunch but yesterday she was up 7-8 and slept 8-7.15 and was still fine. I think that's probably just too early for a 5 yr old. I'd put it back to 7.30 and see if that helps, if not maybe try 8 even.

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 11:27

@MeadowHay

I'm wondering if the bed time is just too early as well. My DD is 2 and goes to bed about 8, wakes between 7.30 and 8 the next day, usually naps for an hour after lunch but yesterday she was up 7-8 and slept 8-7.15 and was still fine. I think that's probably just too early for a 5 yr old. I'd put it back to 7.30 and see if that helps, if not maybe try 8 even.
Thank you. I think we will try a 7:30 bedtime tonight!
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Harrysmummy246 · 17/02/2021 13:43

No screen time between dinner and bed. That jumps out at me. DS is 3 but gets tv BEFORE dinner only (partly as I need half an hour to safely cook)

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 15:16

@Harrysmummy246

No screen time between dinner and bed. That jumps out at me. DS is 3 but gets tv BEFORE dinner only (partly as I need half an hour to safely cook)
There's usually about an hour inbetween turning the TV off and bedtime. I thought that was OK but I'll consider looking at this. Thanks!
OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 17/02/2021 16:55

Well it's worth trying, surely?

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 17/02/2021 17:16

@Harrysmummy246

Well it's worth trying, surely?
Yes, that's why I said 'I'll consider looking at this' Smile
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AlwaysColdHands · 20/02/2021 05:45

When mine was 4/5, I’d snuggle in bed with her, read 3 short stories, then let her look at/ read one or two more herself. She’s now nearly 7 and will happily get into bed around half 7, and read to herself with no complaining every night. it’s a godsend. Books are my advice!!

QforCucumber · 20/02/2021 08:18

Ds is 5 next month, over lockdown he's been bed for 7:30 asleep by 8. He's started asking for one of us to stay upstairs whilst he falls asleep, he doesn't like being alone. I'll leave his door open and Potter putting laundry away etc and he's usually asleep within 10-15 mins. Wonfder if, due to current situation she's just become a lot more attached to you being there

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 20/02/2021 08:24

5.5 here and definitely not as tired but I found that if I left light on till he was tired, he could be awake at 10pm!! So now it's story with me, play time - lego-for a little while and then read in bed. Lights out 8pm. Works much better. Tbf it's a hard old time ar the moment. I think it's ba pity to jump to stickers or harsh leaving them there methods, tho I know you don't seem to be going this way. When my other dc was the same age he did similar so I'd go back give the cuddle and say I'm just going to brush my teeth, wash my face etc and he was happy just knowing I was nearby. By the time I'd done this he'd have drifted off. Sometimes they're unsettled like the rest of us and need some reassurance.

crazychemist · 21/02/2021 14:32

My DD is a little younger, but I have been finding she is less tired because of lockdown as she’s not running around with her little playmates. Hopefully tweaking your bedtime will do the trick! Otherwise I’d just say as much fresh air and exercise as possible so that her body is worn out when her mind is ready to sleep.

Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 22/02/2021 09:13

@AlwaysColdHands

When mine was 4/5, I’d snuggle in bed with her, read 3 short stories, then let her look at/ read one or two more herself. She’s now nearly 7 and will happily get into bed around half 7, and read to herself with no complaining every night. it’s a godsend. Books are my advice!!
Thank you for your advice Smile. We've moved bedtime to 7:30 and always read with her. Last night we were too early so I ended up reading three books. The later bedtime is definitely helping, still struggling but she's falling asleep around the same time as when we were putting her to bed at 7.
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Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 22/02/2021 09:16

@QforCucumber

Ds is 5 next month, over lockdown he's been bed for 7:30 asleep by 8. He's started asking for one of us to stay upstairs whilst he falls asleep, he doesn't like being alone. I'll leave his door open and Potter putting laundry away etc and he's usually asleep within 10-15 mins. Wonfder if, due to current situation she's just become a lot more attached to you being there
I think with the situation we can't be too harsh at the moment. It's hard for all the kids right now, I really feel for them. Especially at this age, they're not quite understanding the situation fully and that must be hard!
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Original poster
Notsurewhyimhere80 · 22/02/2021 09:24

@HeyGirlHeyBoy

5.5 here and definitely not as tired but I found that if I left light on till he was tired, he could be awake at 10pm!! So now it's story with me, play time - lego-for a little while and then read in bed. Lights out 8pm. Works much better. Tbf it's a hard old time ar the moment. I think it's ba pity to jump to stickers or harsh leaving them there methods, tho I know you don't seem to be going this way. When my other dc was the same age he did similar so I'd go back give the cuddle and say I'm just going to brush my teeth, wash my face etc and he was happy just knowing I was nearby. By the time I'd done this he'd have drifted off. Sometimes they're unsettled like the rest of us and need some reassurance.
Yes definitely, DD is unsettled by the situation so we're trying to be fair but also not let her routine go altogether. With a later bedtime it's definitely helping!
OP posts: