2 year old waking at 3:30-4:30am and won’t go back to sleep

[Tvscreen]

My DS just turned 2. He’s always been an early riser (around 5:30am) and we’ve had brief periods when he’s slept 7-7 but they’ve never lasted for long.

For the past three weeks he’s been waking up at 3:30-4:30am and refuses to go back to sleep. I go in and lie down with him and he lays in bed and jabbers or just wriggles around in bed then at 5:30am he starts getting worked up and hysterical wanting to go downstairs and play with toys or watch duggee. He’s been in a bed for about 3 months so I can’t leave him to cry as he just runs about his room.

The early wake ups are killing me. I’m 15 weeks pregnant and feel so stressed and angry with him. For example today, he wouldn’t nap so I raised my voice and snapped at him to go to sleep. My OH who is working today (it’s my non working day) is with him now trying to get him to nap. I feel awful and I hate being like this but I’m so stressed I’m at the end of my tether.

I desperately need help but don’t know how to make this right.

When he is at home he usually naps for 1.5-2hrs from around 12:30 and goes to bed around 7ish (sometimes 6:45am depending on how tired he is). He goes to the childminder x3 a week and usually naps for over an hour but I don’t have exact times as the childminder doesn’t keep a record. His grandparents help 1 day a week so I can have a rest but he doesn’t nap at all with them and just has a 20 min nap in the car home around 4pm. I appreciate this is not ideals but I’m not sure what else we can do.

I have tried a gro clock but he just yanks the power cord out and throws it around the room. He gets so angry throughout the day I’m sure the lack of sleep doesn’t help. I’m worried the lack of sleep is effecting his development as he doesn’t really focus on some of the activities I set up for him.

Today he woke at 4:30am and only fell asleep for a nap at 13:45pm. I took him for his nap at 12:15pm and he was just jabbering/bouncing around the bed until the Oh came and took over. I was surprised by this as usually nap times are fine.

Any ideas about what I could do? I feel so stressed and upset and it’s turning me into a bad mum.

Would sleep training help? I would leave him to cry if I could but his room is dark and I’m worried he’d hit his head on the door or the door gate.

I don’t think he’s ready to drop the nap yet. I just don’t know what to do.

I could have written this post, my son is 18 months. We are just in the process of moving his room around/ waiting for deliveries to get him into a bed, hoping that he will be more comfortable and safe (he fell out of the cot!).

Can i ask did your son ever have reflux as a baby? I just worry about all the wriggling, that hes uncomfortable and wondered if it may be something related.

As for the cry it out technique, each to their own. We tried something similiar the effects only lasted 3 weeks and then we were back to getting up at 4am.

Im reading everything and anything to try and find a solution too the early rising, but im struggling too. If i find anything ill be sure to post.

Currently debating whether to call my HV to see if she can offer any advice.

How dark is the room? If they cannot see much it helps (plus your body sends a signal to the brain when it is dark to sleep). Are any of his toys in his room too? So technically he can get up and play as he is in a bed so can get out. Do you make it boring by being completely silent and not fun?

Was there a reason you moved him to a bed? Could he climb out the cot?

I would start by making the room pitch black, maybe have white noise playing all night.

We were struggling with 4.30-5 waking a few months ago and tried to change every variable I could. Eventually discovered my DS would not have more than 10 hours so needed to make bedtime later. However now start bedtime at 7 and he sleeps about 8-6. Might also be worth cutting the nap to an hour.

Thanks for the responses.

@SaltyMermaid The room is absolutely pitch black. We have a black out blind and shutters. It’s quite a boring room with no toys other than a couple of cuddly toys in bed and a book. We’ve tried putting toys in there in the past but either it’s too dark to see them or he’s not interested and just runs to the gate screaming to go downstairs. I’ve tried white noise too but he ends up screaming to turn it off so not sure he likes it.

@MummyE87 he did indeed have quite bad reflux as a baby and grew out of it around 8 months old. To be honest I forgot all about that awful period (he was in so much pain) and didn’t think the two would be connected but maybe? Please do let me know if you find anything! I spoke to our HV about this before but she just told me to give him some milk and leave him in his room which hasn’t worked either and he ends up chucking the milk and it ends up everywhere.

@NoliteTeBastardesCarborundorum Thank you for this. I’ve tried the later bed time too (7:30-8pm) for about two weeks but it made zero difference to wake up times.

He didn’t nap at all at the Childminder’s yesterday so we put him to bed at 6:30pm and he woke up at 5am which doesn’t seem bad but he was clearly tired as he had a 40min tantrum with shrill screaming.

I’m just getting so worn down by the early mornings and constant tantrums 😔

I’m going to look for a sleep consultant today and get some help as we can’t carry on like this.

@Tvscreen Well the room set up sounds great. I will tell you that Ds2 had severe reflux (under a paediatrician) and although he stopped throwing up it became more silent reflux and he didn't grow out of it until he was about 8 years old. Lying down was the worst. In fact he had a dummy until he was 3 because the paeds doctor said it would help keep everything down if he is swallowing down all the time.

Could you still give him the milk but stay with him? See if that would help settle him? Do you have any valved cups? Mine are teens now but they had anywayup cups that don't leak, the valve only worked if they sucked. There is probably something more modern out now. Or start with water to see if he will settle with that? Ds2 is now almost 15 years old but still takes a water to bed as he does still reflux sometimes

Also it is going to feel worse because you are pregnant and tired. Either of those alone is bad enough. Try to get to bed as early as you can so you can at least get a good chunk of sleep before he wakes.

I can't advise about naps because that is too long ago to remember for me. Does your partner ever go in to settle him in the night? Does he get the same reaction?

So 7-4:30 is 9 hours, plus a 2 hour nap, 11 hours sleep a day. They say children this age need somewhere between 11-13 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, and he is getting that, just not at the right times. I think you need to consider dropping his nap and/or putting him to bed later

At this age he might be having too much day sleep. We had the same thing - I would try limit naps to 45 mins and take him up before he gets a second wind. I'd try sticking to changing one thing for a while as it can take a little time.

The other thing that made a difference to us is changing from a cot to a bed - it meant that I couldn't rock her to sleep and put her in the cot asleep, she had to learn to fall asleep in the bed on her own with me just sat next to her. Think it helps her if she wakes in the night she now falls asleep on her own again.

I think perhaps he could be overtired. It's a bit of a classic for early waking. I think he's also using his nap to prop himself up. I would limit his nap to no more than an hour, and put him to bed earlier. Treat early morning wake ups as night. Get a grow clock and put it up so he can't get it. But turn the light down to zero, those things are too bright and the blue light is not good for melatonin production. You say his room is very dark. It's

Sorry, my phone crashed!

It's quite common to bed a night light at that age so you might as well try it. Get a red one, they sell them on amazon etc. Good luck!

Is he eating supper? If not, he man my be hungry. Give him some porridge right before bed.

Is the room warm? 4am is the coldest part of the night so maybe a pair of socks on would keep him a little cosier and stop him stirring.

Do you or dh sit with him to fall asleep at bedtime or is he put down awake and left alone? If he needs you there to fall asleep at 7, he isn't going to be able to do it alone in the night.

I'd reduce day time sleep.
Mine dropped his nap from 2 hours to nothing at 2y1m. Yes, they are tired at the end of the day, but it gets better and it's easier to manage than a 4.30 wake up!

Oh also try a reward system for staying in bed until the clock. Instant gratification is pretty essential at that age. I would go chocolate button, not joking! But if that's a problem what about a vitamin that seems like a sweet, like the haliborange ones. And set the gro clock to be achievable at first. Then when that's being achieved you can start to push the time back ten mins at a time.

Hello all, thank you for your responses!

Past two days he’s been waking up at 5am but screaming his head off for about 40 mins wanting to go downstairs. I feel it’s important I don’t just give in so we just stay in the room until 6am. My partner and I used to take it in turns but we found he gets more agitated if I don’t go in and I can’t sleep anyway if he is screaming so usually we both go in.

He asks for milk but it’s just a ploy to go downstairs because the moment my partner brings it into the room he goes crazy and wants to go downstairs and chucks the milk around. We have a munchkin 360 cup but it still spills when thrown about.

Today was particularly bad. He was screaming so much my ears started to hurt and now I’m worried he’s damaging his hearing.

He has plenty to eat at night (usually a carb and protein) but I have tried offering a bit of banana before bed but he’s not interested.

He settles beautifully at bedtime on his own (we just leave him in bed) but nap times at home are a different story. He needs me to lie down with him otherwise he just runs to the door and protests to be let out.

My partner took him for a walk this morning at 9am and he fell asleep in the pram around 10am for 20 mins and is now refusing an afternoon nap.

We are going to try and cut the naps down to see if it makes any difference. I’m convinced he’s built up a sleep debt because he’s just so tired by 10am that he really can’t be getting enough sleep. We usually power through until nap time but today that didn’t happen.

I feel like getting up early is just a habit now and he doesn’t know how to break it.

Thank you for your advice and sorry for the long rambling posts. I honestly don’t know whether I’m coming or going most days x

He could very well be transitioning to no nap which is hard. Some day they need it other days they power through. When we were doing this with DS, we purposely didn't go out after lunch ever as if he fell asleep in the car it would ruin everything. DS never slept in the buggy so I wasn't worried about that. He was asleep at 6pm when he dropped his nap and was up at 5/5.30am but we felt that solid sleep for all of us was better than the broken sleep we had before. Dh and I would just go to bed earlier too, and take it in turns in the mornings, plus we had an evening together. We had to just go with it for a while, about a year before DS went to bed later plus could be relied upon to not fall asleep int he car on short journeys.

DS was a bad sleeper and regularly got himself horribly overtired and it needed a couple of weeks of good routine, quiet time at home along with plenty of fresh air.

Could he be teething? And that's what's waking him plus making him grumpy along with the tiredness?

My daughter does this too. You may not like my method because you need alot patience but when she wakes up buzzing, overly energetic and has got into our bed laughing and jumping all over us at a silly time like 2,3 or 4 I say it's bedtime, not playtime and I sit her on the step, not as a punishment but it's to remove her from the situation and calm her down. She doesn't like sitting on the step in silence so when she protests I ask her are you going to sleep then if I put you back in bed? The most I've had to do this method is three times in s night and she gets so fed up with me keep sitting her on the step she eventually says yes, I will go to sleep.

My daughter is 2 aswell but really energetic and in the go all day long, she doesn't nap anymore but still is a little ass at night sometimes ha ha! It's a real problem when she wakes at 5an before preschool as it makes her grumpy there. I'd she wakes at 5 I just have put her back in bed and sit with her until she's asleep.

Also is there anything keeping DC from settling themselves at night? Ive just recently taken dummies and bottles off mine at night because she wouldn't settle without them. It's making such a difference to her being able to settle herself now

Thank you all for your help and sorry about the late response. we’ve cut the nap down gradually but it has made zero difference as he is still waking up 4:30-5am and is exhausted by 10am. Even after his nap he is absolutely miserable and shouts and screams constantly.

I’m trying to keep him in his room until 6am but it is getting unbearable as all he does is scream and shout about going downstairs.

We are speaking to a sleep consultant tomorrow so hopefully this will give us the answers we need as I’m struggling so badly.

Did you see the sleep consultant and has it helped?

Hi @MummyE87 on balance, I would say the sleep consultant has helped as we are now getting 6-6:20am wake ups. We are still getting the occasional 5:30 wake up but these are far less frequent (maybe once or twice a week). So for the past few weeks he has done more 7:30 -6am days. I am still waking at 5am but it’s nice to be able to lie in bed and relax.

He generally has 1hr20min nap and is in bed by 7:30pm and asleep a few mins after with no fuss.

Yesterday he didn’t sleep at the Childminder’s as they had a birthday party for one of the kids and there was too much excitement. We put him to bed only slightly earlier at 7:20 and it resulted in a 5:40 wake up so maybe we needed to put him to bed earlier?? We have a follow up call with the sleep consultant so I might ask her.

In an ideal world I would love a 7:30-7:30 night but I just have to accept this might not happen 😭😭😭

PS we are still working on trying to get him to sleep a bit longer when he wakes at 5:40am but it’s a work in progress...

What have you done to get this far over the past few weeks? It sounds like you have made positive progress! Interested to see the afternoon nap has stayed too, so maybe it’s more sleep needed?! Good sleep = more good sleep maybe?

@Tvscreen

Thanks for replying, did you use a recommended sleep consultant? Im pleased to hear things have improved for you all and between 0600 - 0630 sounds like a sleep in to me!! Ha, we are between 0430 - 0530 at the moment and its a killer!

@Llamasally I think it’s been a combination of cutting down nap time (from 1hr30 to 1hr15/20) and moving bed time to 7:30pm. If he does wake up early I stay in his room with him with lights off until about 6:30am. I should be doing a gradual retreat but I’ve been bad about implementing this!

I still think he could use more sleep but I’ll just have to hope and pray we get there 🙏

@MummyE87 we did! I think the advice they gave was stuff we already knew, it was just a case of following a plan. Tbh I could do more of a gradual retreat in the mornings to try and get him to go back to sleep but I’m getting quite big now and it’s hard getting up off the floor so I just stay put!

If he screams with white noise, and throws the gloclock around have you had any thoughts about Sensory processing disorder? I don't know much about it but the fact he is kicking off at noises and lights maybe he's struggles processing it so reacts by screaming and kicking off?

@angieb89 I have wondered this in the past as he asks to turn some music off sometimes but he’s generally ok with sounds and only asks to turn some music off and is ok with things like nursery rhymes and Disney.

He also loves lights, I think he’s just fascinated by the gro clock more than anything.

I spoke to soon about the sleep training working. DS woke up at 00:48 and didn’t sleep until 2 then at 5:15am. The early wake ups have been progressively getting worse this week. He has black out blinds so the lighter mornings shouldn’t be a problem.

I tried to get him back to sleep but have just left him in his room now with the gate shut as I’m exhausted and fed up of having to deal with this. He is getting frustrated but I’ve told him it’s not time to get up yet.