Stopping co sleeping at six months? Feel like an epic failure

[hushlittlebabydontsayaword]

I get made to feel like co sleeping is bad. I love it, but people around me make me fear it's not safe, and I am very anxious about things, so feel like I should stop.

Currently my DD, who is six months, only naps on me, and we co sleep. I feed her to sleep for naps and bedtime too. I can't get her to sleep in the evening and sneak back down to spend time with DH else DD wakes up shortly after. DH can sometimes get DD to sleep but she wakes after 20-30 mins and he can't get her back to sleep then. He can also only get her to sleep on him and not put her down.

If I put DD down awake she gets upset. If I put her down drowsy she wakes up and then gets upset. If at bedtime she falls asleep with me after a feed and I move her across into her snuzpod, she wakes up and rolls over to latch back on. If I don't let her, she cries. It goes right through me, I can't bear her crying. Not when I can stop it.

What should I do? What would you do? Am I a crap mum? I feel so out of my depth

I hated cosleeping and the situation you describe sounds nightmarish to me but if you love it (and it's clearly what your DD wants too) then there is absolutely no reason not to, and it is no one else's business. Assuming you're following the guidelines on safe cosleeping around covers, not drinking or smoking, etc then the evidence suggests she's as safe as she would be in a cot. How your daughter and you sleep has no bearing on whether you're a good mum, but your obvious concern to comfort her and your decision to trust your instincts to do so show that you're a great mum doing a fantastic job - cut yourself some slack and keeping doing what works for you.

Following with interest. My DS is 4 months and I'm co-sleeping, feeding to sleep, DP sleeping in another room and I don't know how to stop it. I love the co-sleeping but there just isn't room for the 3 of us but he won't go in his cot. He won't sleep without boob either.

Don't let anyone tell you that co-sleeping is 'bad' though as that's simply not true. It's common practice in many cultures just seems to be our western one thats in a hurry to have our babies sleeping in their own room. It can be done safely.

If you're both enjoying it (and it sounds like you are) then of course continue.

They are only little for such a short time.

I didn't cosleep but part of me wishes that I had given it a go. Now mine are a little older but I love it when they come and get into our bed for a cuddle.

Oh and forget about what other people think.

This is just the beginning of people giving you unsolicited advice on how to parent your kids. You may as well learn to smile, nod, and ignore now 😉

If you enjoy it then go for it I have done it with my dd since she was born basically. She's now 6 & still loves to sleep in bed with her mum some nights. If you don't want half the bed taken up etc then be strict with it now or this will be you're sleepless nights from now on lol not complaining as I love cuddling up beside her

I love cosleeping with my 3 month old daughter but I was so anxious and stressed about it after all the warnings you get when they are born. Now I've realised it's such a natural thing to do and I love the morning snuggles we have. I'm in a separate bed to my partner, we tried it all together but I felt squashed in the middle and struggled to sleep.

You are not a bad mum. You are obviously a very caring, loving mum who wants to do the best for her baby. If you enjoy co sleeping, feel free to continue to do so. I co slept with my second baby and I also really enjoyed it. They hated being away from me, so co sleeping made life much much easier. My first baby slept well in their cot so we didn’t co sleep at all and that’s fine too! Look up safe co sleeping practice if you are worried, that might help a little with your anxiety. Another option is a co sleeping cot which attaches to your bed, that could work for you?

I co-slept out of necessity initially. DC was a horrendous sleeper. Stopped night feeding at 16 months after trying a few times. BF till 2 years. Gradually DC started the night in own bed but then came into us when first waking. Stopped co-sleeping at 2 years 10 months but now I have to get up to put DC back to bed 1-2 times a night and I'm tired and hate getting up but do like the space now. DC always napped in pram till about 2 years 8 months when finally cracked napping in own bed. Co-sleeping saved my sanity and if DC2 is the same I will do it again. Do what works for you and ignore everyone else and their advice.

I liked co-sleeping but I kept my baby downstairs with us in the evening, no pressure to go to sleep until they were ready, then carried upstairs, asleep, when we went to bed. We all slept together quite happily for a long time.

It's quite safe to co-sleep, don't listen to what other people say, you know what your baby needs best. Most people I knew at the time co-slept and didn't want to admit it because it was seriously unfashionable and frowned upon then, far less so now. It's the most natural thing in the world.

I bedshared, felt like the only way to sleep myself. It got better after 1 and better again after night weaning just before 2. Then we worked on him falling asleep and having a few hours on the floorbed before I joined him for the rest of the night. It's got better and better since then although I took him into the spare room with me on sunday night after about 4 silly shouts in about an hour. He slept like a log for the rest of the night and I did ok. DS now 3y7mo

If it works for you then that’s all that matters :)

I'm lying here right now next to my 7month old sweetie. I've been told time and again to stop by well meaning relatives, but he sleeps better and so do I by being together. I often start the night with my husband and then switch rooms when first night waking happens. I'm going to continue for as long as it works for us as a family. I know a lot of mums who say in retrospect, they wish they hadn't had the 'make baby sleep in own crib' drama and just cuddled up with them instead. Because as mentioned, they are little for such a short time and I am learning to treasure every second (following a nasty bout of PND).
Also, my baby has only recently started to be able to doze off without being fed first so I think that's just a skill they pick up over time. Just think, they all come good in the end (you won't be feeding them to sleep at 4 years old, put it that way!) so forget about the end result and just do what works for you to enjoy the journey

There are so many conflicting messages, but if you follow the right ways to do things as safely as possible it's so lovely to co sleep with your lo (I say this with my 18mo snoring quietly next to me on one side and dh snoring loudly on the other ) I have had a snuzpod and while lo did sleep in it a bit I soon found I was getting very little sleep and thought there must be a better way so started reading and asking for advice.

These are a few resources that may help reassure and support you that I found really helpful in getting to where I am now with co sleeping:

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

www.bumpbabyandyou.co.uk/baby/bed-sharing-the-la-leche-league-safe-sleep-7

thebeyondsleeptrainingproject.com/faqs/how-do-i-safely-bedshare

The 'beyond sleep training project' also have a great group on Facebook, I can also recommend 'Co sleeping & attachment parenting support'

Knowing others want to and are able to do this successfully went a long way to reassuring me this would work as a great solution to our family sleeping needs

I never slept well when my baby was in the bed with me, so for my sleep and there's I was happy to have them in a Moses basket next to me and then in their own cot with a baby monitor. I BF till 15months. When baby was small I'd mostly feed sitting in a comfy chair bought for that purpose in the nursery. It stopped me falling asleep in bed with baby and although I'd maybe nap in chair baby wasn't in danger of being suffocated. Putting down for naps and bed without feeding just took time and I really didn't want it to become a "thing", it's up to you what you want for your babies sleep, I'm sure most babies can be helped to sleep themselves. Putting a baby down in cot and walking out to silence or a small cry of protest is a luxury well worth achieving (in my opinion!). There were always times when baby needed fed to sleep, a nap on me, etc but these were not the norm.It's up to you what you do. But now is a good time to make changes. Your baby will need fed to sleep till you stop BF if you keep this up, do you want to be doing this when they are 1 2? If you are happy to then carry on! I know what it's like to think "they can't sleep/get back to sleep/etc? without x, y and z .....however it is possible to make changes and you may be amazed how quickly you're baby adapts! Good luck!

I started cosleeping out of necessity but now enjoy it. By 6 months I was feeling quite a lot more relaxed about it as the sids risk generally reduces and she just seemed bigger, stronger etc - like I would definitely notice if I rolled on her! (I should say I don't feel like I've ever come to close to rolling on her). Sometimes it's a bit annoying when they want to latch on lots through the night. We did put a cot in her room about 7 months and she'll sleep in that for a few hours now, so I only cosleep part of the night and some naps if I'm tired. This feels like a nice balance and I just don't stress too much about how often she wakes, what time she comes in with me. DH starts out the night with me and goes to the spare room when she wakes up where he gets to enjoy his uninterrupted sleep! I think we'll keep doing this till I stop breastfeeding, perhaps about 18 months. Imagine we might have a few tough nights then but things are working at the moment so I don't want to change. Do what works for you!

I was feeding my daughter to sleep at 6 months and co-sleeping most the night. I got a lot of stick for it too. By 11 months with very little effort (just starting each night feeding her to sleep in her room then putting her in the cot and only co-sleeping if she woke after our bedtime) she was sleeping through the night in her own room. She had a bedtime feed till she was 3.5 but got into bed herself awake. She's a great sleeper now.

I co-slept with all 4 of mine until they chose to leave my bed which was between 2 and 4 years. I found it the best way to get enough sleep, I was breastfeeding and they always settled easily if they woke in the night. I think you should do what works best for you, it’s no one else’s business. Lack of sleep is awful. My husband was happy with my choices and we just bought an extra large bed. I have no regrets.

I’d offer advice but on any given night my 6,8 or 11 year old start off or get in with me. Sometimes all 3 like a pile of bloody puppies in a tangle

Stop feeling judged and do what works for you, believe me it’s better to get used to doing what other people disapprove of now because you’ll have years of it!

I'll get crucified for this, but the world won't end if your baby is slightly upset for a bit at bedtime. We sleep trained at 6m so DD didn't need us to fall asleep, and it was life changing.