4 week old scared of dark? Help!

[pendulum]

Hi, I have a 4 wk old DD2 and a problem I haven't met before. Basically DD is happy to sleep most of the day in various places (cot, bouncy chair, my lap etc) but she seems to be very anxious about "proper bedtime" (i.e. ours). We tend to go upstairs arouns 10pm after lots of cluster feeding. By then she should be full and has lost interest in the boob really, apart from sucking it like a dummy. As soon as we put her in her sleeping bag, however, she starts to get agitated and this progresses to full-blown wails when she is put in the cot. When we switch out the light, she goes ballistic and can keep up the screaming for hours. The only thing that will settle her is being tightly cuddled by me until she falls asleep. If I try to transfer her to her cot, her eyes snap open and the screaming starts again! But I am nervous about the risks of co-sleeping and that means that I don't get any kip at all while she is in our bed.

Now I KNOW that she is very weeny and needs her mum and I don't expect her to sleep for any long perios of time or even have any kind of routine. I am happy to bf her a number of times in the night if I can just grab some sleep in between. But I am baffled by the fact that she can't do at night what she can do in the day i.e. fall asleep near us but not in full physical contact. I am also fast becoming a zombie. Has anyone heard of babies being scared of the dark? Is it just a separation anxiety thing? I will fall with gratitude on any advice/ tips or even just reassurance that this is normal!

thanks

p

do you have a moses basket .. maybe the cot is too cavernous for her? ... I assume she's in the same room as you isn't she?

I used to co-sleep happily if that helps (with very young babies like yours sleeping on my chest) .. I didn't find it risky but appreciate guidelines have changed

You could try a night-light?

I did co-sleep with DS though, when he was tiny - out of sheer necessity. As he grew up he got better at going to sleep in his cot.

Perhaps she would prefer a moses basket - fels a bit swamped by a big cot?

Just some ideas....

I found swaddling at this age to be a God-send.

I never did it .. but if you say she likes to be held tight have you tried swaddling rather than sleeping bag?

wow- thanks guys, i really appreciate the quick replies.

We do have a moses basket but stopped using it after a few days- because i had a c section I couldn't reach it on the floor, and we didn't like the way we couldn't see her when it was on its stand. Maybe I will try it again on the floor now I'm healed a bit more.

freakypenguin- we do have a nightlight to enable us to locate her in the night . It burns with just the right intensity to disturb our sleep while making sod all difference to her fear of the dark! How long did you co-sleep with DS? I am kind of prepared to make the necessary changes to bedding etc, maybe even buy one o those nests that go in between the parents, for a short period but co-sleeping is not really in my long-term plan.

re swaddling- i have thought about this but i thought the SIDS advice is not to let them go to sleep swaddled? (confused) If she went quiet for just a minute in the wee hours I would be comatose before I had the chance to unswaddle her!

must go and lie down now (she is asleep!) but will check back again later. thanks again,

not sure about the SIDS advice but i would definitely recommend swaddling - really saved us at that stage! Get a proper swaddling thing (think it is called a miracle blanket)from Mothercare -soooo much easier to use than faffing about a sheet or whatever. We were recommended to swaddle at our NCT classes (and this was only a year ago) and i know they are really up on the SIDS advice so think its ok. I know the miracle blanket said not to use it beyong 14 weeks and we stopped about then. Hope things improve anyway!

this is from the SIDS website:

Is it okay to swaddle my baby?

People swaddle in different ways, using different weight materials. If you swaddle your baby, don?t cover the head and only use thin materials.

Thanks for that, I tried swaddling her last night. It worked for a bit then she got quite agitated and managed to work her arm free. However she did sleep in our bed and we all got the best night's sleep so far! I think she just wants to be near us so I have ordered a kind of three sided crib that attaches to the bed and acts as a sort of bed extension- I will still be able to touch her and she will be able to hear my breathing as if she were in the bed itself. It's really expensive but at the moment I can't put a price on a good night's sleep! Fingers crossed it will work!

I think that's a good approach

Good luck!

I've been told by health professionals that babies aren't born with a fear of the dark. For what it's worth, I wouldn't give her a 'prop' (i.e. a night light) to get her to sleep as she'll just grow to rely on it, creating another problem for you when she's older.

My partner's niece was assumed to be afraid of the dark when she was very small and so they always had the light on for her. She's now 10 and still won't sleep unless there's a night light!

I suspect she's just looking for reassurance so I'd definitely try swaddling.

My son (now one) used to behave in a similar way at night at that age. We just let him cry for a minute or so and then went it, stroked his head, spoke softly to him and then left after a couple of minutes. We only left him when his breathing had slowed down and he was calmer. More times than not he screamed once we'd left. However, we just repeated the whole process a number of times until he calmed down. It's not a quick fix but it provided him with the skill to go to sleep on his own. Invaluable!!!