Desperate Need for Sleep Help - 22 month old!!!

[Terriblecreature]

Hi everyone,

Posting as at my wit's end and tonight has broke me.

My amazing 22 month old son had been in the best routine, for our family, up until around 3 weeks ago. He would always wake at 5.30am when DH was up for work. We are early risers so doesn't really bother us. He would then go for a morning nap at 9.30am-10am for around 2 hours then down for the night at 6.30pm-7pm. slept through without wakening or if he did he could send himself back to sleep.

About 5 weeks ago we decided it was time to take away the dummy. Partly because he had bitten holes in them and I didn't want to buy more knowing I wanted him to come off of it. He adjusted brilliantly and it was as if he had never had a dummy. That lasted around a week.

We then started having problems with his nap. Anytime putting him down on his cot he would scream and refuse to sleep. He would sleep in the car seat, buggy or even the couch but not the cot. At this point his night time sleep was unaffected. In hindsight, he was getting up later on the morning as both my husband and I were off work and not getting up at our usual time. I should have pushed back his nap but didn't think at the time.

He then went to stay with grandparents one night. They have their own cot. MIL done what she usually does, put him in the cot, said night night etc and left the room. He would normally just send himself to sleep. She said he was crying and she left him for a few minutes to see if he would send himself to sleep. He didn't and the next minute she heard a thud and he had managed to climb out of the cot and hurt himself. She phoned us right away and we went and collected him. He went down for us fine that night.

The next night, his sleep went the same way his naps were. Refusing to sleep without myself or my husband being present. At first we were staying in the room til he nodded off but now he has started wakening during the night and can't soothe himself back without us. Last night was particularly bad with him wakening a couple of times.

To add, I am 35 weeks pregnant and really want to get this sorted before DS2 arrives.

A friend suggested Jo Frosts controlled crying. I started this today, firstly at nap time and again tonight. I absolutely hate it and it's destroying me. At nap time he cried/screamed for 50 minutes before eventually sending himself off to sleep. Tonight was the same but was worse and he was getting himself into a right state. I was going in periodically and soothing him but as soon as I leave the room he is straight back to standing up and screaming.

I feel like I am torturing him and that it isn't right.

Has anyone had any success with this or similar experience with their toddler?
I am unsure whether taking away the dummy or his fall out of the cot has made an impact or if it's just separation anxiety.

Either way I am super stressed and really would love him to be sleeping better before the baby arrives.

Any suggestions?

Mines doing the same shes 2. I think its regression. She was a perfect sleeper. I left her door open and bathroom light on tonight shes cried for about 5 mins then slept.

Oh dear! OK so first thing is safety. Is little one still in a cot at yours and not climbing out? If they are climbing then you may need to change to a bed.

Controlled crying with interval checks can be very effective, although in my own experience for slightly younger children. So you might want to check that out. The proper name is the Ferber method. IF you want to go down that route then I would suggest starting at bedtime. Once that's a bit more sorted, come back to the nap.

However I would personally try a few other things first. Get a night light that emits red light (available amazon definitely). I say red because blue spectrum light can interfere with melatonin production, which is the sleep hormone.

Reassure your little one that you are around and about. Leave the door open and keep popping in to check up on them, so day something like I'm just going to tidy my room, I'll be back to check on you in 5 mins. Then keep away a bit longer each time. So sort of similar to ferber but in a very low key chilled way.

If your little one can't hack that at this stage then you could sit with them at first. Don't interact. And progress up to being a bit further away over however much time. Until you can just pop out for a min. Then start popping in and out as described above. This technique could probably be described as gradual retreat.

Hopefully this is a stage. Most things are! I think taking some pressure off, making out is not a problem, hopefully that'll help.

I found with my ds who is getting on for 4 now, he suddenly needed a night light at this age.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

We already have a nightlight, well, it's a groegg that has light. Do you think I need something else?

He has been sleeping better at night, but it's getting him down.

I left the door opened the other night but still the same.

Luckily our cot is deeper than the one at grandparents and he can't get out of it.

I will try all the pointers on here though. Thank you

Hi there,
I’ve just read your post and there’s lots of similarities between your son and my son…I’m wondering as this was a few months ago how you got on? And how long did it take him to settle? My son is 27 months and always been a good sleeper, took away the dummy, seemed fine, then all of a sudden wouldn’t let me leave at bed time and started waking up during the night. We tried a few different tactics including actually staying with him which made the wake ups worse, controlled crying which didn’t really work because he just kept getting up out of bed and although we kept putting him back, wouldn’t give in. Now I’ve got it down to standing at the door which he’s resistant to do at first, and when he wakes in the night I give him a little reassurance and he lets me leave again. That said, it’s still sometimes 3 times in the night!! I do think it’s separation anxiety, he shows this in other ways sometimes. Is this just the case that I need to ride the storm?! I would be interested to know how you got on? Thanks!!

@Terriblecreature

(Tagging may bring the OP to the post)

@FATEdestiny Hi there, sorry you are going through this. We are out the other end of this now, thankfully. He will go into the cot and we can leave the room and he will (eventually) send himself to sleep. He is also rarely up during the night too. Thank goodness as it is now my 16 week old that has me up!
I can't say we did anything special to get it back to normal it just happened. When it all kicked off I tried controlled crying etc but threw in the towel as I hated hearing him scream. I guess just try and be there for them to help them through it. We are soon to transition him into a big boy single bed so I hope he takes well to it and he doesn't regress back to this. Good luck and think you just need to ride it out, as hard as that is to hear x

I'd give him the dummy back tbh

It'll all be water under the bridge by the time he's 5

@Terriblecreature thank you so much for this! Although I wish there was an answer at least I know that there’s likely an end to it!!! I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing and hope that some time soon he will let me leave the room and stop waking up haha! Congratulations on your not so new arrival! We put the “big boy” bed in the room with the cot and would read stories on it before bed. Then one day he asked to stay in it. If you have the room, could be worth a try! X