Rocking/cuddling 5 month old instead of feeding to sleep

[pjani]

Hi,

My 5 month old has now been '4 month regressing' for 7 weeks. So it seems she has a very strong feed to sleep association, waking every 1-2 hours through the night. She doesn't need to feed this much for sustenance so it's clear it's a sleep aid.

She really really wails if I try not to feed her or just put a hand on her. So I am swapping all feeding to sleep to rocking/cuddling as these seem to be the minimum she will tolerate. I am trying not to feed her at all between 11 and 4, hoping she will start settling herself once I break the feed to sleep link.

But it's harder work rocking/cuddling, at 3am I walked with her for 45 minutes and still couldn't get her down without her waking. If I fed her she'd be back asleep in 10 minutes (but wakes at 8pm, 9 30pm, 10.30pm, 12.30am, 2am, 3am, 5am etc).

Do you think swapping feeding for rocking/cuddling will help at all? Or am I just swapping one for another? Any idea how long it will take? Tonight will be night 3.

Bump...

Each to their own, do what you thinks best for sure. But I'd have given up and fed her after so long!

My little one slept so well from about 2 weeks old til 4m sleep regression. To get through waking every 2 hours I had to feed her back to sleep for a few mins and could like her back down.
She's nearly 8m and feeds to sleep at bed time, though she doesn't probably need to as she doesn't feed to sleep for any of her naps in the day. She wakes once or twice a night but I genuinely think she's hungry. I don't go back to work for a few more months so will tackle closer to the time.

If you're breastfeeding, the act of sucking and being close to you will be comforting. Have you tried a dummy?

Thanks for responding. In the 45 minute she fell asleep 4 times but I couldn't get her back on the bed without her waking dammit! I tried a dummy when she was small but she refused it.

I'm trying to change it now as my DS was unfortunately the same and nothing changed till we night weaned at 8 months. I survived last time by napping through his naps but don't always have that luxury now, with a baby and toddler.

How did the feeds reduce for you, to just 1 or 2 a night? They never reduced for DS so I have no confidence they will for DD either.

Replacing one crutch with another isn't giving you anything positive really is it?
Try a few different types of dummy.. Has dh tried instead of you? My 7/8 times a night waking ds slept through on the third night of dh settling him! No bf association!!

I'd start with bedtime and naps first.

So maybe replace feeding for naps with walking in the pram.

Bedtime start doing ssh-pat in the cot and pick-up/put-down.

Once she can self settle at bedtime, then you can do the night wakings between feeds. 11pm-4am might be a bit ambitious though, I'd probably start with 4 hourly night feeds 7pm/11pm/3am/7am.

But settling herself at bedtime is the first one to crack.

Following.... I feed my 5.5mo son to sleep for every nap and through the night (around 5 wake ups)
I have also tried shush pat in the cot and walking around when I know he can't be hungry. Works about half the time but he usually wakes up 30mins later so I often give up and just feed to sleep. I'm absolutely exhausted, this has been going on for nearly 3 months now. I think I'm going to contact a sleep consultant in the next few weeks if things don't improve.

You're doing so well if you've persevered for 45mins putting them back to sleep in the night! I'd give up after the first attempt.
No advice but just wanted to say I feel your pain!

5.5 month old here and in the same boat!! Will be cuddled to sleep at the beginning of the night and then will only do 2 hour stints for which he will only be fed back to sleep. He has a dummy but it doesn’t help him link sleep cycles. He was sleeping 6-8 hours beginning of the night pre 4 moth regression so I don’t believe it is developmental or linked to hunger. He just can’t link sleep cycles.
We sleep trained our first at 8 months as we couldn’t take it any longer and it was the best thing we did. I was hoping to have a magical sleeping baby this time 😣

Following! I'm really struggling at the minute with waking every 45mins- 1hr, DH & I are exhausted -same here where it's not a hunger thing & I just don't know what else to do & we are only 2 weeks in!

My DD is 16wks old, fed to sleep & then down for naps & bedtime. For past 2 weeks I've tried unsuccessfully to break this (put down drowsy, pat/shush etc) but it's not working! I'm really at the end of my tether already so don't know how I'll cope if it goes on longer! Really want to get this sorted now before we create an even bigger monster at 5,6,7months etc but it's so hard at 3am when you just need some sleep! DH has been holding her to deep sleep while I rest then eventually I end up feeding her again

Update: gave up and started feeding to sleep again as it's actually less tiring than walking around the room trying to settle DD.

Really don't recommend my attempt to anyone as she's less able to be fed to sleep now and there is much more crying :( my guess is go the whole hog with shush pat in the cot rather than a half measure to rocking.

My plan is now get her on 3 good meals a day andnight wean - DH to take over fully for 3-5 days and to offer water. This is what got DS's sleep on the right path, along with settling him on his side with patting and lullabies. Hope I can get there before 8 months though argh.

Hi @pjani - I’m thinking the same as you. Going to get weaning going in a fortnight and then a couple of weeks later night wean. I wouldn’t even mind feeding the baby once or twice a night but every two hours is killing me. I’m just not getting any restful sleep at all and having to home school on top of it is awful!
I was meant to be napping and going for coffees with friends this mat leave - not home schooling!! 😩🤣

@Verytired2019 that sounds so rough! I also have a 2 year old so can't nap while she naps like I did with DS - but I'm not trying to teach while my brain is leaking out of my ear! I'm at that point with tiredness that I forget everyday words. Fingers crossed we can get through this bit.

I have a slight worry night weaning earlier that she will still wake but I won't be able to feed back to sleep. But it did work with DS and I don't know what else to do.

I feel your pain. I have a nearly 6 month old I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong!!

She does occasionally do a 3-5 hour period, does this mean she can self settle? She had 3-4 weeks of waking every 45 minutes but finally think she is past that.

I’m so jealous of the people that can just put their baby down for a nap awake and they drop off within minutes.

I go through phases of attempting shhing and patting for naps/bedtime but we just end up with lots of crying and upset and I feel guilty that I haven’t just fed her to to sleep. To avoid this most of the time daytime naps are sling or pushchair and at night I feed to sleep. What I would really like to get out of the habit of is feeding every time she stirs from bedtime, can be every hour up to midnight/1am. Then she usually sleeps for 2-3 hours and wakes at 3. Then more recently she has gone until the morning 6-7am. Sometimes I think she’s genuinely hungry which is fine but most of the time especially the constant stirring from bedtime i think it must just be for comfort. She’s in a bedside crib so next to me all night. Holding her hand/stroking/hand on her chest doesn’t work, i have to pick her up. Occasionally patting and shhing will work once she’s stirred but it will be 20-30 mins before she’s unsettled again, if I feed she stays asleep longer.

I feel bad because I’m not consistent but it all feels so muddy about what I should/shouldn’t be doing.

Will it only change if I sleep train? I long for the day I can put her to bed and go back downstairs and pour myself a large glass of wine and relax!

@Mamatoabeauty

I feel your pain. I have a nearly 6 month old I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong!!

She does occasionally do a 3-5 hour period, does this mean she can self settle? She had 3-4 weeks of waking every 45 minutes but finally think she is past that.

I’m so jealous of the people that can just put their baby down for a nap awake and they drop off within minutes.

I go through phases of attempting shhing and patting for naps/bedtime but we just end up with lots of crying and upset and I feel guilty that I haven’t just fed her to to sleep. To avoid this most of the time daytime naps are sling or pushchair and at night I feed to sleep. What I would really like to get out of the habit of is feeding every time she stirs from bedtime, can be every hour up to midnight/1am. Then she usually sleeps for 2-3 hours and wakes at 3. Then more recently she has gone until the morning 6-7am. Sometimes I think she’s genuinely hungry which is fine but most of the time especially the constant stirring from bedtime i think it must just be for comfort. She’s in a bedside crib so next to me all night. Holding her hand/stroking/hand on her chest doesn’t work, i have to pick her up. Occasionally patting and shhing will work once she’s stirred but it will be 20-30 mins before she’s unsettled again, if I feed she stays asleep longer.

I feel bad because I’m not consistent but it all feels so muddy about what I should/shouldn’t be doing.

Will it only change if I sleep train? I long for the day I can put her to bed and go back downstairs and pour myself a large glass of wine and relax!

I am in almost exactly the same position with my 6month old DS. He is EBF and he still feeds to sleep.

He manages one long stretch 6.30-9.30pm (which is wonderful for eating dinner and catching up on the laundry etc.) but he will then be up hourly. And he will only feed to sleep.

Rocking does not work. Leaving to cry was an utter disaster.

I could just about cope with wake ups every 2 hours (which was happening about a month ago) but hourly is annihilating me.

I want to continue to breastfeed but I'm not sure how to do so whilst getting enough sleep.

With our other child we got her fully "weaned" (eating 3 meals a day etc) and into her own cot and in another room, and then did about 3 days of controlled crying which was the "magic fix" we needed. She then dramatically increased the lengths of time she stayed asleep. Indeed, she slept through the night within the first week!!

So my one (unsatisfactory) conclusion is that there's very little I can really do before DS is

1. eating properly (so relying on fewer breast milk cake prices)
2. mobile (tiring himself out) and
3. ready to be fairly aggressively sleep trained in his own bed.

breast milk calories not* cake prices!!

@CheesePleaseLoueese gosh hourly is enough to tip you over the edge, you have my sympathy!! I walked round like a zombie for weeks bursting into tears at everything and anything, wondering how much longer I could physically cope with it.

What you’ve said is kind of along the same lines as I’m thinking. Fully weaned will hopefully fill her up more. I hate the thought of controlled crying but If I have to eventually I will give it a try. I’ve also thought about a sleep consultant to focus me and have something to refer back to rather googling when I’m at my wits end and then reading lots of different advice