25 month old, 4am wakes and doesnt sleep through. Help me. Please!

[DarkGreen]

What are we doing wrong

Brief schedule.

4am wake up - refuses to stay in cot or bedroom, gets hysterical has a full meltdown if we try

So

4am we bring him into our bed with ipad until 5 but he isn't still so we can rest.

5am downstairs to play, milk and snack

6am breakfast but grazes this for about an hour

((( Maybe 2 days a week he is too tired and has a 30 min cat nap somewhere between 8 and 9 )))

9am walk, park, outside for an hour

10am snack

11 to 11.30 depending on day is lunch

11.45 bottle (still give him formula)

12 in cot asleep
Nap will last anywhere from 1.15 hours to 2.30 hours but average now is 2 hours

2ish wakes up, warm milk and snack

Afternoon play "helps" with housework

4.30pm dinner

5.30 yogurt and banana snack

6 to 6.30 depending on his wake up from nap time we take him up for a bath

Bedtime routine after the bath is books but he also runs around his bedroom with endless energy has no interest in quiet relaxing time!

Asleep between 7-7.30pm

Often wakes between midnight and 2 and then wakes for the day bang on 4am. But can be 3 something some days.

What where how am I doing wrong do I do to fix it help me we are 2 years in now and still exhausted presents like we have a newborn!

Things that might matter are he is big for his age, he has separation anxiety from me even though I literally only leave him to go to the toilet. He will only be settled by me in the night and if he's upset in the day. He doesn't eat a great deal of food but will snack all day so I am guilty of letting him snack so he at least gets something.

You could put him to bed at 8.30 instead with dinner and snack later as he’s probably either waking up hungry or cold

Some really good advice here
m.youtube.com/watch?v=qpgf3x0EM5w

I was going to ask is he warm enough? Does he wake wet? I put one nappy then nappy pants over dd in case of leaks she’s 26 months. Maybe make dinner time but later and aim for slightly later bedroom. Could he have milk and cuddle at 4am? Then put him back? Does he have blackout blinds so it isn’t daylight waking him...(I know not at this time of year)

My dd used to wake at 4am for a little while, I’d go in and day “it’s still bedtime” might change her if wet, and give another warm milk, I’d say barely anything not engage and just leave her.

I’ve found it worked and she woke later and later, randomly at the mo she doesn’t wake until 9am! So I’m still in bed myself.

Is he hungry, that's a very early dinner?

It's also a lot of milk.. That will be filling him up but probably not for long

OMG, I could write the exact post myself, my 27 months old has a very similar schedule. I have never had more than 3 hours of sleep in one go since the day he was born. Exhaustion is an everyday feeling, really don't know how much longer I could cope with it.

So he's in bed (asleep?) for a total of twelve hours? That seems a lot for a two year old.

Too much milk, dinners too early and the naps quite long. At 2 DS only had a couple of ounces of milk at bedtime, an hours nap and dinner was between 5/5:30 with bedtime at 7/7:30.
Since DS was around 2, if he woke before 7, he had to stay in his room until then. We tried a groclock which didn’t work for us personally but you could try that.
So maybe you could try one bit at a time if changing too much is overwhelming for you and him but I’d definitely look at making some changes

My eldest was like this. My health visitor gave me some words of advice, some children just don't sleep through! If you accept this, it does feel easier. It's crap but constantly trying to get them to sleep through is exhausting

He definitely doesn’t need that amount of milk at 2. I’d cut it all out and just give whole milk as a drink before bed.

Dinner is very early? He’s probably hungry. Could you push dinner back to 6/6:30pm (give a snack if necessary) then have half an hour quiet play time then do bedtime routine.

It also worth looking at a Gro-clock although may be a bit young atm, I can’t remember when I got DD’s but it made a huge difference.

Also, I would cut down the nap

I should have said that previously he was having dinner at 5.30 bath 6.30 and bed asleep 7.30 to 8 but we were told he might be over tired so have only recently moved everything earlier.

Even if he goes to sleep at 8 or 8.30 he still wakes at 4 and he has woken at 4 for at least 18 months now

I'd shorten the midday nap, with the aim of losing it all together.
Have the yoghurt and banana snack at 4, and dinner at 5.30.
Scrap the 5am snack at milk if you can, and have a proper breakfast at 6am.
Try not to give the iPad at 4am. I know, you just want sleep, but its encouraging him to stay awake.

I spent a LOT of time on DS1s floor with my hand through the cot bars. A thick duvet folded in half makes an acceptable mattress, and rolls away to not much. Although I didn't really sleep, it reinforced it was time for resting (and I always said rest, not sleep). Even now, and he's at secondary school, he is told to rest. He was still awake when I came to bed at 10 last night, and was reading at 6 this morning. Sond kids just dont sleep. Find a way to manage it as best you can, and drink lots of coffee!