20 month old STILL doesn’t sleep

[Sarahlou19]

My 20 month old boy still doesn’t sleep through the night and gets up early. Me and my partner are at our wits end, we can’t cope with the exhaustion anymore.

No we don’t have friends and family that can help - we live at least an hours drive away from anyone we know, covid restricts us from travelling too.

Our son has never slept well. He goes to bed at 7:30pm and will settle himself. He is up at least twice a night and starts his day at 5am, sometimes he gets up more, occasionally he will get up once but can then be up from 4:30am.
He doesn’t cry, he screams. He wakes up and sometimes the neighbours. We have tried every technique you could name.

We took the side off his cot because he tried to climb it, this has resulted in him getting out of bed and coming to our room if we leave him to cry it out. We previously tried just putting him in bed with us, we slept less, but our son slept a little more - this has now also stopped working.

When he wakes up, we go in and he’s usually sat up in his bed. We give him a quick cuddle (only if he puts his arms out for one) lay him down, tuck him in and say goodnight. We then sit on the floor of his bedroom until he falls asleep.

We have tried leaving the room before he’s asleep but he starts screaming again. We thought we could try the gradual retreat method but we’re on week 6 and haven’t made it any further back than sitting next to the cot.

Earlier bed times result in getting up earlier to start the day, later bedtimes make no change.
He spends all day miserable, exhausted and whining. He has a nap for around 2 hours in the middle of the day. We’ve tried longer and shorter naps and that’s made no change or made sleep worse.

How do we make him sleep?

Biologically normal infant sleep.

Why are you expecting a 1 year old to sleep through the night?

It's tough when they don't sleep and your exhausted. Does he have any comfort toys?

I'd decide a plan during the night with your partner be firm with it. Consistency is key. The previous poster was not helpful l. Majority of kids do sleep through at that age.

My dd was like that. Now she's a teenager and sleeps all the f*ing time. Be careful what you wish for.

Hello I spoke to my health visitor and we sleep trained at just over 2 years. He now sleeps through but still gets up at 5!
He still won't nap. I just have a non sleeper and he like sit that way. I worked full time since he was 6mths old and sleep deprecation is torture, I feel your pain.
The sleep training hv advuce really helped us!

Thank you nix2020, I would have thought over the age of 18 months we should be seeing sleeping through the night (or at least if waking easily settling himself back to sleep without us) Until 5:30-6am would be a dream!

He does have comfort toys, he has his favourite which he carries around everywhere, we make sure he has that when going to sleep, and a few other small favourites are around his bed so there is always one within reach.

Haha Sofiaames! I can’t wait for some long teenage sleep (when we don’t have to get up for specific plans! )

We have tried numerous things and been consistent for weeks to see no results, are there any other routines/techniques for the middle of the night? He settled perfectly well and on his own at bedtime, just not in the middle of the night.

We’ve tried, cry it out, controlled crying, pick up put down, co sleeping, retreat method (but haven’t got very far)

It sounds normal but won’t be this way forever.

My 2 year old often wakes in the night and won’t go back to sleep. I now just put peppa on and give her a bottle and she eventually drifts back to sleep. I am able to sleep on the couch while she watches TV. Its not ideal but at least i get some sleep.

Pleaseaddcaffine what was the advise? (If you remember?) Any different to anything I’ve mentioned? I’ve also worked full since since 6 months old so it’s been a hard slog as I’m sure you understand!

I’ve only seen my health visitor once a few weeks after he was born! Never seen her since and I don’t know her name or how to contact her the postnatal help I’ve had has been extremely poor from “sleep consultants” pretty sure it was just a nurse finding web links for advise and to the gp’s who have ignored us when he was younger and had infections or a virus (luckily we had some very understanding and amazing a&e doctors when temperatures got far too high!)

This was normal for my 2 kids, we tried everything to keep them quiet and in bed but it never really worked and so we often started the day at 5am. I would say if you can stay in his room or bring him into your bed but get up no earlier than 5am , then it's simply taking turns with the other parent to stay in bed whilst the other gets up, makes a cuppa and removes the child quietly after 5am to watch cbeebies for a couple of hours when 2nd parent arises. Youngest still wakes between 5-6am but is now able to entertain himself whilst we sleep, he is 10!

Landlubber2019, 10am sounds like a distant dream!

I’m sure 5am won’t feel so bad if I got a full nights sleep (at least when not ill or teething etc!)

We did the invisible chair method but that failed and then cry it out.
The import at thing was consistency, even in middle of night so just it's bedtime now and back to bed, every single time. Took two weeks but he got it. The 5am starts are still with us but the 11pm, 1 am and 3 am gets ups and hysterics are finished.
He was ready at 2 years old and honestly it was learned behaviour to get upby that point.

Oh and no naps or sleeping after 3pm ever... Not that he did!

No he normally sleeps 12-2 in the daytime so I think that works quite well for a mid day break.

We might just have to go back to putting back to bed and crying it out and see if it works this time but I will look up the invisible chair- never heard of it!

No advice how to really solve the problem but something that has worked for us is setting up a small bed on the floor next to our bed (we had a blow up 'ready bed'). If DD came in to us she could sleep on that small bed - it meant she was sleeping 'with' us but without really disturbing our sleep. It was a desperation play but was a lifesaver in those tricky times. Like you I was back at work full time from 6months and the sleep deprivation was torture. DD is still an early riser and is always up before 6 (she is nearly 6 now) but is past the stage of needing that bed in our room and can entertain herself if she gets up in the night. My other 2 children were generally good sleepers and never needed anything like this, so don't feel like its something you are doing wrong- I'm convinced some kids are just like this!

Sorry, but this is normal. It's exhausting. My only advice is catch a nap when you can and throw in a few early nights. My youngest didn't sleep through until she was 6 and still occasionally wakes up now at 8. I tried sleep training, but she would cry until she was sick. Once I realised that all she needed was a little comfort - co sleeping was my saviour, life got easier.

Babies and children that sleep through are not the norm, it's a shame that society puts so much emphasis on children that do.

I'm sorry OP I have no advice but just want you to know that it can be very common still at this age. Neither of my two children slept through until 2.5 years old

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say mine too - sending solidarity and lots of sympathy!

Put him to bed early , you go to bed early and get up early . You just gotta roll with it , my ds was like this until he was 3 or 4. No point getting stressed and faffing about with naps, curtains or anything else . Take turns with his dad for the early mornings. When ds was 3 we got a gro clock and hard some success but it took a good 2 weeks for him to understand it fully . Hes 7 next week and sleeps til 7.30 on a good day but will often get up in the night to get in with me !
That's on another thread and something I'm working on ( started during the first lockdown)

You wont believe this but I sometimes miss those 5 am starts ,he used to watch baby tv and I would have all my laundry washed and dried and put away by 7am !

My DD didn’t sleep through until she was 3 and a half now she sleeps 7-7.
It will get better I promise.
In the meantime read Philippa Perry’s. Book: The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read and Your Children Will Be Glad You Did.

What brolly said. You have to go to bed early too. Sleep when he sleeps. I know he's 20 months and you think he should be sleeping through etc but you'll just have to work with him.

Does he have a dummy?

As everyone has said, it's pretty normal tbh. My eldest didn't sleep through until 3 and she is only about 50-50 at 3.5.

My youngest is slightly older than yours and wakes 2-4 times a night. One of those wake ups is usually for 1-3 hrs. She doesn't get up early as well thankfully. I am still breastfeeding so I do the night and my husband deals with any rakes from the older one and gets both children up, breakfast, ready and to childcare etc.

It's tiring. But they do get there in the end. I blame society for giving parents unrealistic messages about what toddler sleep is often like.

We do go to bed as early as we can (dishes and clothes don’t wash themselves unfortunately!) but still struggling with the lack of sleep while both working full time, broken sleep and up for hours at a time isn’t good for anyone.

It’s good (and bad I suppose) to know it’s the norm and at least not something I’m doing wrong. You’re all right, it shouldn’t be publicised as babies sleep through from 6-9 months as the norm if it’s not yet my mum (and all her sisters) didn’t have these sleep problems past 9 months to a year with any of there babies! (There’s 10 cousins across us too!) so I don’t know if they all just managed to get lucky or if there’s major changes? Although I’ve tried all the same things they did

@Sarahlou19 do the dishes and clothes in the morning, you'll be up early to get a head start !