How to get my nearly 4 year old to go sleep by herself

[finallyfoundmyself]

So my little girl is turning 4 in 2 months. She was breastfed until 2 and we co slept. She's never been able to settle herself to sleep or re settle in the night and still wakes up if I don't sleep in bed with her.

I know these have come from bad habits I haven't addressed but please can anyone help.

I still cuddle her to sleep but she tries everything in the book, singing, shouting, playing with anything in the bed e.g pillow cover, teddy. Pokes me in the face, bites her nails. Asks for a drink or the toilet, if I ignore her she proceeds to poke me in the face to slap me. Sometimes she gives in within half an hour some times it takes up to 2 hours.

I'm a single parent that works and is a student to get my nursing degree. I'm absolutely exhausted and at my wits end. My patience is wearing so thin and I feel awful. I'd love to be able to send her to bed and her be able to sleep and me be able to sleep in my own bed all night. I finish work at 8pm Atleast 2/3 nights a week and after 12 hour shifts It's really hard.

Anyone with any suggestions would be hugely appreciated by an exhausted mum

Thank you

And just to add, when she cries she makes herself sick within 5 minutes so I've avoided that so far

Sounds exhausting!
DS (5) was very similar. BF until 2 & co slept until age 4, now after several failed attempts he is in his own bed sleeping through.
Sticker reward chart worked for us, but only now he's old enough to understand it. He will actively choose to settle himself back to sleep now when he wakes in the night as he likes the stickers (and new toys her gets when he hits his target).
Will she sleep for a chunk at the start of the night? Ie could you settle her in your bed and then leave her there, joining her later?
This is what I did. Absolutely not ideal I know but you do what you need to do to get sleep

Thanks for your reply. She will usually sleep for a few hours after she's finally stopped fighting and gone to sleep but then when she wakes if I'm not in her bed with her then she constantly wakes after resettling ( I bought her a double bed because I always end up sleeping in there)

I've tried a sticker reward chart which she gets excited about but as soon as actual
Bed time comes it's as if she has no interest atall. Then she will try and say things to me like well your being naughty mummy so you don't get any stickers, prizes etc. The next morning when she doesn't get the sticker she cries and says sorry but the same thing happens again in the night.

Could be worth revisiting though

I would honestly just do some very firm sleep training. In her own bed night night, shut door. If she comes out say “it’s bed time” no other engaging just take her back in and put her in bed. She makes herself sick, clean her up, back in bed. Don’t engage or negotiate. DH and I joke that we don’t negotiate with (2year old) terrorists. Firm, very consistent. I know that’s really hard, especially if you’re a single parent. Likely if you can be super consistent & super firm, things will have improved a lot with in a week or two. If I were you I would take a few days off to sleep train & make sure I had someone during the day to take DD out of the house so I could have a proper mental break. Kiddos really do well with boundaries, they want to know where the edge is and firmly and kindly making it clear is usually really effective.