Need advice, getting concerned

[TangBloodyFastic]

My 8 wk old will not sleep anywhere but on me
I have tried everything.
Swaddle
Hot water bottle
Top in the bed with her that smells of me
Putting her down asleep
Putting her down awake but sleepy
Shush pat
Dummy
Inclined
Sleepyhead
Co sleep

She will sleep on my chest and that's it. It's uncomfortable and is not sustainable

Please can someone tell me she will grow out of it? I've just tried again to put her down on her own and then spent 30mins trying to console her I'm tired and extremely worried that she will refuse to sleep on her own. I cant have her in my bed for months on end

She has reflux so really struggles to sleep on her back, she used to co sleep but since the reflux she is refusing to sleep anywhere else. All daytime naps are on me and eyes open as soon as I try to put her down
She has never daytime napped alone
Please tell me things will change 😭

I really feel for you as I had the exact same thing with my DD and I remember how uncomfortable and sleep deprived I felt. Do you have anyone you can share the load with? Eg could she sleep on your partner for a while whilst you sleep and then swap?

I ended up getting to about 4 months and being at breaking point. Then we got a sleep consultant and did Shush Pat / Gradual retreat sleep training. It was hard but it changed our lives and after a week or two she was sleeping in the next to me crib and only waking once a night. From 6mo she was sleeping through in her cot.

I think 9 weeks is too young for proper sleep training. Are you giving anything for the reflux?

and things will change I promise, hang in there you're doing amazingly!!

Thank you ever so much for replying I'm at my wits end.

I'm going to try putting her down for her naps today and see how she goes. I got 5 minutes yesterday before she woke up but today I'll comfort and put back down.

She's on gaviscon for her reflux. It's helped a lot but the reflux has wrecked our co sleeping which was going ok. The reflux has stopped her wanting to sleep on her back and she vomits when she is asleep on her back

I think I'm just going to have to keep trying as she used to feed to sleep when next to me.

I'm at a complete loss, I know she's too young to leave crying but I don't want her to get used to this current sleeping situation.

I'm feeling very desperate and worried that this is only going to get worse

Hello love, sorry you’re going through this, it’s hard at times isn’t it?! I remember my baby being really clingy at one point too, but he did grow out of it!
When you try to put her down, how long do you try to persevere before picking her up again?

Everything you have described sounds perfectly normal.

You are your baby’s safe place. She has lived in your tummy for 9 months and has only spent 2 months on the outside - the world is a big, scary place for her! All of her instincts tell her that she needs to be close to you - hence the fourth trimester.

From a survival pppint of view, for her being away from you means danger and death. She is totally reliant on you to survive. So of course, as soon as you put her down, PING that instinct comes into play and she wants to be picked up because that is how she knows she is safe.

It is impossible to spoil a baby and she is far too young to develop ANY habits, good or bad.

I found that having a sling was a life saver - it meant I had my hands free and baby could sleep all he wanted. Get some shoes that you can slip on and off though - it’s impossible to tie laces with a sling on!

My son was held in some way for all naps until he was about 6 months old, when one day he wriggled to be put down and he’s had every nap in his cot ever since (bar when he is poorly or teething!)

Honestly, don’t pressure yourself to get any sort of sleep routine or habits now. They won’t last even if you do (through some miracle) get her to sleep alone in her cot for naps, so they really aren’t worth stressing over!

How did you get on yesterday OP?

Hi @snoopy8
Thank you for asking
Yesterday, after our awful night, we had a 2.5 hour co sleeping nap with no tears or fuss at all. Had a lovely stress free day and so last night I settled us down to co sleep for the night, thinking we had turned a corner, only for her then to fidget, grunt, moan, whinge all night due to her reflux 😭
She can't lay flat on her back

She won't go in the next to me, which I've raised.
She won't sleep in the sleepy head on the bed with me, which I could raise
How can I raise my mattress or at least the bit she sleeps on, without compromising her safety?? I'm at a loss
Today she's had a really unsettled day, won't nap for long, normally does 2-3 hrs twice a day. Today she's struggled to get to 45 mins and even then she's been squirming/head butting/kicking her legs like she's really uncomfortable
Have given her gaviscon this afternoon which hasn't really changed her behaviour
Maybe it's a growth spurt and totally unrelated to last night and her reflux

But for the foreseeable I'm going to have to run with chest sleeping until I can figure out a way to raise her safely

I'm at the docs next week for her 8 week check up, I'm going to suggest the gaviscon is taking the edge off the reflux but she is unable to sleep and ask if there is something maybe a bit stronger which would help her night time issues?

On one hand I'm relieved to know she will actually co sleep again but on the other I'm totally about her reflux and how much she suffers with it 😢

Oh it's so hard when they are uncomfortable and you just want to help them. I know it seems like this is never ending but I PROMISE it gets better, as every day passes they get more robust and things like reflux start to stop. It's all about survival for the first few months.

I know you can buy wedges to elevate the head, but it sounds like you've tired the next2me elevated which I guess is the same thing.

Can you wedge yourself up with a pregnancy pillow/other pillows to put you in a position where you can't really roll/move and so even if you doze off you'll be pretty safe (I know some people would be aghast at the thought of you falling asleep with a baby on you) but sometimes it's just unavoidable!!

Also can I ask if you're BFing or bottle?
I BF until 4 months, but my DD had such bad colic/reflux, I changed to the cow abs gate comfort milk, and that made a huge difference.
I would never encourage stopping breastfeeding, but just worth considering if this becomes a long term problem.

Hi @snoopy8

That's exactly what I'm doing with the pregnancy pillow. I have one that I can tie both ends together so I wrap it round myself and tie it so she's like in a little well on top of me. I wedge my arms in so she can't roll/I can't move. I don't sleep well but at least I know I won't move/she won't fall

I'm under no illusion this is ideal and would love for her to be in her cot!
If she would go in the next to me she might be ok but I can't get her to sleep in it at the moment. I think it's because I'm not close enough. If she's not virtually face on breast she won't even contemplate sleep

My DS is 16 weeks old, and basically only slept on our chests for the first 12 weeks.
He hated being on his back, reflux plus a forceps delivery contributed to it I think.

Things that helped:
•A sling - buy one tomorrow. We have a Close Caboo, its worth every penny and means that baby can nap whilst you do something else.
•Cranial osteopath - we found a few sessions really helped loosen some tightness in DS neck (following instrumental delivery). 3 sessions and we were done. Highly recommend.
• Keep baby upright for 20 mins after every feed, especially night time, before you attempt to lay down in their cot or your bed. If i put DS down 15 minutes after feeding, he writhes and grunts and wakes himself up. At the 20 min mark he's deep asleep and his milk has much less chance of coming up .
• Practice safe bed sharing. Accept that your little one will be sleeping in your bed for a short while so do some research on making your bed the safest it can be.

Hope that helps and good luck!

@snoopy8
I'm EBF, we think she is CMPA so have also gone dairy free, she has since stopped bringing up the curdled type sick but can't rule out that it is the gaviscon which has sorted that

@KitKatKit
Yes I use a sling during the day - when she will go in it!
I have to keep her upright at least 45mins to an hour and even then she can still be uncomfortable. This is why I'm wondering if she needs something a bit better than gaviscon. It's like it helps but doesn't solve the problem completely

I think as soon as we have the reflux properly under control then the sleep issue will resolve on its own?

I think, looking back, that even though she hasn't been vomiting as much, she has still been having reflux episodes and that is why where she sleeps has become an issue. I put it down to her being clingy/fussy when in actual fact it's probably purely down to her discomfort 😢

Oh I remember this. White noise and swaddling together really helped. Also the next2me crib. The 3 together was a miracle. Baby used to wiggle right up to the mattress so was as close as possible.

You have my sympathy. I'm constantly on the sleep boards trying to figure out what is going on with my LO.

At 7months he still takes all naps on us but he will sleep in his cot now so it doesn't last forever. I keep telling myself I've yet to meet a 21year old who needs his mum to put him to sleep.

From the looks of it you have tried everything. I would suggest going back and trying a couple again. I found he changed so much at that age, why it didnt work one week changed and would work the next. E.g he suddenly stopped sleeping well in his side sleeper. Switched to the moses basket for night time sleep and it was great for about two weeks and then suddenly the side sleeper was the bees knees again for him. Goodness knows why. Swaddling was the same, it didnt work and then one night I tried again out of desperation and it worked a treat.
Babies are like little divas with a rider that changes from week to week.