Cry it out

[lou250820]

What's everyone experience or feeling on cry it out

usually the ones who tell you to bed share and are still being woken up multiple times a night when the child is 3 and the husband has been pushed in to the spare room

But there is nothing wrong with this

I really disagree. Babies and young children need sleep to function. There is nothing healthy about older toddlers having woken for 4/5/6 times in the night, every night for years because they cannot join sleep cycles together. And there’s nothing healthy in being one of these parents who is absolutely exhausted because they’re being woken up that many times by their child.

I’ve seen it here many times where people say “just cosleep” which doesn’t fix the underlying issue at all

@ZadieZadie

Here's one:

pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21945361/

First night, mother and baby cortisol levels are synced
Second night, the same.
Third night, infant no longer expresses distress, infant still has high cortisol levels, mum doesn't though.

There are other ways. I couldn't do it myself but respect others decisions to do so.
I did try it though... I tried the PUPD method for a while... and it was utterly miserable.
It really didn't work with my child and in the end, my partner and I agreed that it really wasn't the way forward for us.

We still manage to have sex (hence DC2 is now here)
We still make time for each other
We still utterly adore each other
We got engaged at Christmas

I can say, with all certainty, that bed sharing has not affected our relationship. In fact, I can guarantee that if he was sleeping in our bed, he would still be kicked out because of his sleep apnoea 🤣 we did all bed share at one point before his snoring got bad and it was lovely.

By the time DS reaches 6 or 7, he probably won't be coming in to us anymore and I will be sad when that day comes!

Bedsharing works for us. It may not work for everyone though... and that's the important point to remember. Everyone is different. Every family is different. Everyone's needs are different. Find something that works for you and roll with it because we're all trying our best... and it would be easier for everyone if we didn't look down our noses at people who do things differently.

I did consoled crying with my 1st it never really got better till she was 5. My youngest 2 im currently bed sharing but its starting to wear thin too. My point is I'm watching for ideas

Whatever works for you. I was lucky in that when we tried it at six months, she grizzled for a few minutes and then slept solidly (up until then, EVERYTIME I put her down, she would start crying. I honestly don’t know why it worked then.) Key thing for me was getting her in a rock solid routine, so she was basically expecting to go to sleep at that time, and learning to tell the difference between proper crying and grumbling. If I hadn’t got her sleeping, it would have ruined my career, and put huge pressure on all my relationships because I’m a nightmare when I’m tired.

Controlled crying worked for us. Baby was waking every 45 mins and within 2 nights slept straight through. He’s done the same ever since (unless unwell in which case he’s obviously comforted as much as he needs)

Do you mean controlled crying or leaving them to cry it out.

Personally I couldn't do either, they sleep through when they are ready like any other milestone, but there is a big difference between the 2 definitions.

Key thing for me was getting her in a rock solid routine, so she was basically expecting to go to sleep at that time,

I love how this is said as if those whose children don't sleep don't do this

@lcdododo

Key thing for me was getting her in a rock solid routine, so she was basically expecting to go to sleep at that time,

I love how this is said as if those whose children don't sleep don't do this

Not an especially helpful tone. I could always feed her to sleep, and as long as I basically sat holding her, she would sleep. That just wasn’t viable as a long term solution. So I got her used to sleeping at clear times, and I believe that helped. But thanks so much for your helpful input.

I did controlled crying for DS2, having faffed about with all the other options for DS1 for years.

Ds2 had got to the point where he would wake and wanted a feed, and still wouldn't go back to sleep. It was habitual, and constant.

No I didn't want to co-sleep for years.

One night is all it took, and he cried for a while. It was bloody awful to be fair, but no worse overall than the loads of messing about with DS1.

He slept fine and did not wake after that - there was no attention. He really didn't need me in the middle of the night. I was a prop that kept him from sleep. I had a monitor that I could hear and tell if he was moving about (one of those angel care pad things) and was tuned obsessively into sleep patterns after DS1 so he wasn't waking and not making a noise.

He still sleeps well at 10. DS1 (16), has always taken longer to get to sleep and had more sleep issues.

So anecdotally DS2 sleeps better after CIO than DS1 with softer methods.

No regrets.

@ShirleyPhallus

usually the ones who tell you to bed share and are still being woken up multiple times a night when the child is 3 and the husband has been pushed in to the spare room

But there is nothing wrong with this

I really disagree. Babies and young children need sleep to function. There is nothing healthy about older toddlers having woken for 4/5/6 times in the night, every night for years because they cannot join sleep cycles together. And there’s nothing healthy in being one of these parents who is absolutely exhausted because they’re being woken up that many times by their child.

I’ve seen it here many times where people say “just cosleep” which doesn’t fix the underlying issue at all

They do still get sleep...

I wake up to go to the toilet. I still get sleep.

@user86329

Exactly!

@ShirleyPhallus

usually the ones who tell you to bed share and are still being woken up multiple times a night when the child is 3 and the husband has been pushed in to the spare room

But there is nothing wrong with this

I really disagree. Babies and young children need sleep to function. There is nothing healthy about older toddlers having woken for 4/5/6 times in the night, every night for years because they cannot join sleep cycles together. And there’s nothing healthy in being one of these parents who is absolutely exhausted because they’re being woken up that many times by their child.

I’ve seen it here many times where people say “just cosleep” which doesn’t fix the underlying issue at all

It works for some. We bed shared, there was room for three, we all had a good night's sleep. It didn't last forever but I look back on that time with fondness. It just seemed natural.

I’m thinking we’re going to need to try controlled crying as currently waking after each sleep cycle.

@Sway19 can I ask how long it took for your baby to fall asleep when you started it?

Leaving my babies to cry alone felt completely wrong to me. I would leave them for a few minutes to see if they settled themselves but never longer and never long enough for them to get hysterical.
There are no longitudinal studies into the effects of cry it out sleep training (extinction or modified extinction). I think the longest is 6 years. So I didnt want to risk it having any detrimental effect.
Responsive parenting is linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression in adulthood though these studies didnt look at night time parenting. It is unlikely that a few nights of sleep training would negatively impact the majority of babies but I felt that a more sensitive baby could find it quite traumatic.
I did gently sleep train all of my babies and I know that some people would still consider this a form of cry it out (and not gentle) even though I was in the room comforting but not always picking up or feeding. For me it was about balancing my need for sleep with my babies need for comfort. Who knows if this was the right approach? I did what felt right. I have friends who left their babies to cry it out from four months and others who are sleeping a feeding overnight at 3 year old. Possibly we are all responding to our individual babies and doing what is right for out families.