8 month old, where am I going wrong

[Greenwhale]

My 8 month old has always woken frequently and only will sleep by being nursed to sleep. Occasionally co-sleep to try to get some more shut eye but our bed simply isn't big enough, we don't have a spare, and I can never get very comfy so it's not a long term option.
Regression or no regression I've never been able to tell as wake ups have always been around 6-15 times a night.
I have reached desperation point with my lack of sleep and decided to do the gentlist form of sleep training I could think of 2 weeks ago. She is breast fed, no bottles, no dummy, not fussed for any comforter.
I have begun with naps - put her in the cot and shush/sing/pat to sleep but don't pick her up unless she is absolutely losing her mind crying. She cries on and off (mainly protesting and angry style which doesn't produce any actual tears). She constantly rolls, sits up, pulls herself to standing on the bars until she eventually gives up and lies of her front with me patting/singing to send her off.
This takes anything from 30-90minutes and I have seen no improvement in 2 weeks! I've stuck at it, and was hoping to start doing it for bedtime and then gradually go to overnight but I can't it if will always take this long and be this distressing! I've tried moving naps earlier and later thinking she's not tired enough or is over tired but so change. How come it's not improving? Do I stick at it in a hope it improves or give in and go back to nursing to sleep (this was so much quicker)? I really thought we'd see results now, even just a little. It's so demoralising I've put her through all of this stress for nothing it feels like.

Its a hard time as they're learning so many new things and just want to do them all the time.

I'm no expert at all but I'd maybe try some other sleep cues, like a special toy that smells of you and maybe some white noise or a special song you only sing at sleep time.

Also, make sure she is comfortable. Is she teething, maybe put some teething gel on, or give her some Calpol if she is. Make sure she's not too hot or cold.

Also, you could try noting down how long it's taking you, as if you're seeing small incremental improvements its hard to notice sometimes and it can get you down, when actually it's slowly starting to work.

I'm watching with interest as my good sleeper has majorly regressed and I'm trying to get him back on track.
I'm trying to take advice from Lucy wolfes book. To be honest to try do all the advice from start to finish would be a bit overwhelming for me and baby right now so I'm just trying to implement small changes and gradually build up. I would recommend the book as she doesnt advocate for any training that causes distress to the child. Its very gentle in its approach. Having said that, my LO has been up all hours so it isnt a miracle cure.
Is she getting enough food during the day? I mention this because a poster suggested it to me on another thread. Sure enough the days when he eats well, his sleep is hugely improved. It turns out his appetite is much bigger than I realised. I was too focused on portion sizes, now he eats whatever I offer him until he is full. I figure as long as his milk intake doesnt go down too much and the food offered is healthy, he should be ok.

@Motherissues2020 thanks so much for replying. I will start making a note of times as you are right, perhaps there had been a small improvement that I've just not noticed so definitely worthwhile.
I have white noise playing, have a comforter in with her in a hope she'll get attached to it and the song I sing her for sleep is a lullaby that I only sing for sleep times. Perhaps I'll put the comforter in my bed for a few days to try and get it to smell of me a little more though so good shout.
I don't think she's teething at the moment but it's likely coming up soon, but I never really know about temperature. I have her in a 2.5 tog bag with long vest and babygro underneath and the heating comes on overnight every few hours to make sure she doesn't get too cold. The back of her neck always seems to be a bit warm so maybe I should reduce a layer🤔

I found my baby just found it too stimulating if I was in the room. He would cry more!
So,
I would do the usual routine before bedtime, nappy change, cuddle and put in sleeping bag. I tend to say the same thing when I put him down into his cot e.g love you, goodnight etc
He would instantly cry .
It’s horrible but I left the room and watched on the monitor. He would be up and down his cot. The longest he cried on/off was for a few mins but I was told by a sleep consultant to NOT go in until after ten mins.
It felt like a lifetime but I didn’t go in. The next night he fell asleep after a min of whinging.
And now we have no tears.
I’m sure I will have to use this method again when he goes through another phase.
But my baby just could not cope with me being in the room trying to pat him, comfort him.
It didn’t work for us.
So maybe give that a try. Leave and shut the door, smile, give lots of kisses. If they are still crying after ten mins the sleep consultant said to go in briefly and comfort verbally. Straight out again for another ten mins. Basically, the point is you shouldn’t get to the ten mins because they alone learning to sleep and comfort themselves.
Before, I was making the mistake of running into his room every time he made a noise. They have to learn for themselves.

Oh and timing really is key.
Keep to the same bed time if poss and they might be transition from 3 naps to 2
If they aren’t already.

Also, 8 months potentially going through a regression.

Good luck!

@Professionalworrier I did look at her book but wondered when I'd ever find the time to read it 😂. Maybe I should make time though!
I was so against sleep training for months, it's just I've reached a point whereby I'm unable to do anything as I'm so tired and the prospect of returning to work like this is terrifying! Her type of approach sounds like what I'm after. My daughter's appetite has ramped up quite a lot the last few weeks and I try to make sure she is full and usually top up with a breastfeed before bed but I'll try and give her more solids and see if it helps.

@Yolo773 so glad you had success! We might need to move on leaving her room but right now that's a bit too much for me (just for me emotionally I think more than my daughter!) Perhaps I'll start by moving away from her crib and slowly move further until I'm out of the room. I assume she would scream if I leave but I've never tried so I will give it a quick try just to see how she responds to it as she may surprise us!

@Greenwhale it's a bit daunting but some parts you can just skim as they relate to older children.

I'm like you in that I'm reluctant to sleep train. I think you need a lot of energy and resolve to see it though, which if you had that then you probably dont need to sleep train!

Just to pick up on a point you were saying about how active she is in the cot. She is getting enough down time during the day? I find my LO goes through his worst sleep phases when he is in the middle of figuring out a new skill. Sometimes he will use night time to practice and get some energy out. When I look back on the day before it's usually when we have had a really busy day and I realise he has spent most of it in my arms or in the pram and not on the ground playing. My LO is wired to the moon though and has more energy than he can burn off. The sooner he starts crawling the better