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Sleep

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Original poster

sleeping behaviour - dazed and confused!!!

11 replies

chelseamorning · 27/10/2007 13:07

Hi ladies

This is my first time posting a message on mumsnet, although I've followed many threads over the past year, so I know how helpful you guys can be. I'm totally, toally confused over this one. Some background...

I have a 1 year old son who has been waking up at night for the past few months, at least once or twice most nights. I let him cry for a while and then go in when he won't settle on his own. He has a dummy for sleep time. If he doesn't have it when I go in to him then I'll try giving it to him. Trouble is, he then takes it out of his mouth and throws it away and then just looks at me. He usually has the dummy to get to sleep so I feel him throwing it away is an act of definance as, without it, he won't settle!!!!

I'm then stuck with what else to try, so usually resort to a breast feed. (He's never cried when he's hungry so it's always been difficult for me to tell when he wants a feed.) It's obvious when he has teething problems so I know when this is the reason for him waking. When he throws the dummy away, I try feeding him. I'm still solely breastfeeding and when I feed him, he'll either have a good one, a small drink or a bit of a suckle. He always calms down and goes back to sleep after a feed.

What's going on here?!!! Incidentally, he's 221lbs, has three good meals a day plus two snacks and a small amount of porridge before he goes to bed!!

I have two problems...

One, I'd like to stop breastfeeding soon. I've got feeds down to just one before he goes to bed (and a few during the night obviously!). How can I stop the night feeds if this is the only way I feel able to settle him?

Two, I want to wean him off his dummy so that he can't use it to control me at night. Also, so that I can more easily identify what's going on when he wakes during the night. I'm quite prepared to go through the controlled crying thing as I've done it before with him. However, if I'm stopping his breast feeds, is it cruel to deprive him of his dummy at the same time?

If anyone can help with any of the above, I'd be most grateful!!!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzz

chelseamorning

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

gingerninja · 31/10/2007 12:34

Charlie, did you get any responses or did this coincide with the site technical changes and therefore get overlooked?

In which case, I'm bumping for you

fizzbuzz · 31/10/2007 12:51

Oooh, I've just been through this with my dd 16 months, a champion dummy chucker if ever there was one. This led to all sorts of dreadful sleep problems which went on and on for 6 months...

What we did was this: When she cried, went in, layed her back down (she ALWAYS stands up), and walked out. If dummy was awol we shoved that in as well. No eye contact, just pat. If she continued to cry went straight back in and laid her down. This could go on for about 2 hours. But we always shoved dummy back in. Also she had loads in her cot, and on chest at end of cot which she could reach.

Couldn't leave her to cry...and also dummy issue, no dummy=no sleep.

The last 4 nights she has slept through after 6 months of dummy hell.

I would do all sleep training and stopping BF at same time, BUT I would leave dummy, as we did. We then discovered it wasn't always a dummy problem, she often had it in when we went in.

Anyway, 2 weeks of sleep traing and she is a different kid now. Pleasant and friendly rather than always grizzly and tired.

Really HTH

fizzbuzz · 31/10/2007 12:53

Posted many a desperate thread on here about it......many a thread, believe me, I have been there sooooooooo much

cheritongirl · 31/10/2007 15:50

hi fizzbuzz, thanks for directing me over here..
so your sleep training was just laying your DD down with her dummy with no eye contact etc..? I have basically been doing that for the last 2 nights (must have gotten up about 20 times last night!) so am hoping it will have the same effect as you had in a few days! Keep wondering if the dummy is the issue but maybe not. Feel reassured anyway..
ds has refused his afternoon nap today so am hoping this might result in a great nights sleep for us all, but not optimistic!

fizzbuzz · 31/10/2007 17:12

Yep, lay down, shove dummy in and retreat. Go straight back in if crying, and repeat the process, until they stop.

Twenty times is nothing, dd took 2 hours at her best.

After 2 weeks her behaviour had definitely changed, sleep problems started to disappear in 3rd week. I was expecting change in 3 days and got very fed up and ready to give up in week 2. But dp kept me going. Can really vouch for this after 6 months of hell

Original poster

chelseamorning · 02/11/2007 13:35

I'd given up on any reseponses to my post. Many thanks for the advice, fizzbuzz. I'll give that one a try!

I absolutely hate the dummy and we swore we'd never use one but here we are...! I know that he gets a lot of comfort from it at the moment due to teething and so would feel very cruel depriving him of it. I guess we can leave that battle for another time!

OP posts:

fizzbuzz · 02/11/2007 21:26

Well, sorry no one else posted, but dd now sleeps through the night, after 6 months of torture, AND what makes me feel so bad, is we were unknowingly creating her sleep problems.

Poor little thing must have been exhausted all the time. She now naps for 3 hours in day, after 6 months of an ahour or an hour and a half, so it has improved it all round
(she also has a lot of catching up to do)

Please give it ago it will suprise you!

fizzbuzz · 02/11/2007 21:28

In fact, after 6 months of sitting by her, patting her etc, dp put her down last night, walked out of the room, and she waved bye bye to him!!

Six months of being held prisoner on her room.........

cheritongirl · 04/11/2007 17:52

fizzbuzz, you are so right, def seeing an improvement. Maybe only had to get up 3 times to resettle last night, wonderful! And only once the night before! hope things are better for you chelsea??

fizzbuzz · 04/11/2007 19:48

Great!! life is so much better after a goodnights sleep. I had got to the point of having conversations with colleagues and forgetting straight away, asking them again, and then asking them to write it down I was so tired

Am a zealous convert to sleep training without use of cc

OMGhelp · 04/11/2007 20:07

Sleep training is wonderful. Also regards the BF, you are actually rewarding ds for waking you up. eg. 'Hey Im awake, if I cry a bit mummy will come in and give me some milk and loads of cuddles and if I can stay awake I get even more, whoop, whoop, whoop'. Sleep training lets the little darling know that he wont get anything nice for being awake and therefore its not worth it being awake. You have to do your duty and make sure there isn't anything wrong, but that can be done with minimal or no light (a quick grope to check for wrinkled clothing, or a wet nappy), and a quick retreat with no words or eye contact. It is hard at first but the results are worth it.

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