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Sleep

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Original poster

Is 6 weeks too early to leave to cry to sleep?

30 replies

peanuthead · 26/10/2007 09:41

Lots of conflicting advice- as usual.

DD is 6 weeks, she tends to feed moreorless constantly between 6 and 10 and then I can usually get her down, but really feel it's time she went down earlier, at 7 or 8.

I keep being told to just put her to bed and leave her to cry till she falls asleep and DH is insisting on this - but surely she's still too little? Or am i being too soft? At what point is this ok?

Or do they suddenly start sleeping earlier at 12 weeks?

HELP!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Blandmum · 26/10/2007 09:42

Yes, 6 weeks is way too early.

people who use controled crying do not sugesst that it is used before 6 months. I used it at 9 months.

FlameInHell · 26/10/2007 09:44

Evening cluster feeding normally lasts until about 12 weeks, then it gets sooo much easier

Scoobi6 · 26/10/2007 09:45

Cluster feeding in the evenings at this age is very common - hang in there! I wouldn't leave a baby this young to cry tbh. I started gradually bringing bedtime forwards, with a consistent bath-bf-bed routine, from about 12 weeks onwards but I expect you could try it sooner. I wasn't exactly quick off the mark with all that stuff!

crokky · 26/10/2007 09:47

IMO, 6 weeks is way too early to leave a baby to cry. There is no such thing as being too soft on a 6 week old baby - she is so tiny!

CrushWithEyeliner · 26/10/2007 09:47

"too soft" you have just given birth

For God's sake don't let her cry to sleep at this age (or ever imo). She is a tiny baby and needs lots of cuddles, atention and love from you - there really is no magic sleep pattern solution from any age they just fall into a routine guided gently by you. Leaving babies too cry can be really damaging and traumatic for them.

Even CC experts say to leave this until 12 months now and as I believe, the babies fall asleep upset and lonely.

Sorry if this sounds too strong, I am not very succinct this morning but really want to urge you to please ignore your DH advice!

Beachcomber · 26/10/2007 09:48

If you are breastfeeding the cluster feeding is an important aspect of establishing supply. Hang on in there!
See it as an excuse to sit with your feet up, the remote control in one hand and summat tasty to eat in the other.

lillypie · 26/10/2007 09:53

She IS too little please don't leave her to cry.She is feeding because she needs to and at just 6 weeks you're bloody lucky if she's going down for the night at 10!!!!!!!

I found that my dd started to sleep longer from about 12weeks,and even now at 7 months I would never leave her to cry on her own in the dark.

I think your DH is being selfish

Oenophile · 26/10/2007 09:55

Goodness, yes it is too young. She's stil establishing her feeding needs and IME it's normal for a tiny baby to need to feed 'more or less constantly' at some times in the day. It won't go on forever, that's a cast-iron promise!

DH is wrong about this and probably is still feeling the loss of the old, long evenings of leisure and alone-time with you - those times will come again but as new parents, life is going to be a bit different from now on.

I couldn't wait for those early weeks/months to be over because it's dizzying how little free time you seem to have and how strange everything now is. Can make you feel very disorientated at times, can't it? But honestly, it doesn't last forever - go along with her and gradually she will settle into a better pattern and your evenings will be (almost) yours again.

ellehcim · 26/10/2007 09:59

Way too little. She wants to cuddle her mumy and feel comforted. Its a whole new big scary world!

Jojay · 26/10/2007 10:04

Too young. 6 months at the very earliest, and only if you've tried absolutely everything else first.

ViolentBowedandScared · 26/10/2007 10:07

Follow your maternal instincts.

And give your DH complete control over the Sky remote.

Everyone is happy!

nappychangingmachine · 26/10/2007 10:07

Agreeing with everyone else really. My 2 DCs both fed all evening and then down at 10ish - at least for the first few months. I quite enjoyed it actually as I could just sit down for a few hours, and I knew that if they'd be feeding all evening they'd be nice and full and more likely to sleep for a few hours in the night . I think that your DH is wrong. Even if you did get your DD to go to sleep earlier in the evening then she would probably be waking lots more in the night than she is now. Just watch a film or something or get in a couple of boxed sets of something you'd like to see and just enjoy the dark winter evenings all cuddled up with your DD. BTW did not use controlled crying until DC1 was about 9 months and didn't use it at all with DC2. Suppose it depends on the child but 6 wks is definitely too young.

Beenleigh · 26/10/2007 10:07

6 months at earliest here too! It depends what you want. Do you want to teach your child that their needs will not be met, and that she doe not have a 'voice'?
I don;t think either of my dc went to bed before us any time before they were 10 or 12 weeks old. This period id hard, but doesn;t last long. Ride the beast!

Anna8888 · 26/10/2007 10:11

Your DH knows nothing [sad.

As all other posters agree, 6 weeks is way to early to leave a baby to cry to sleep.

If you are breastfeeding, your baby needs to cluster feed (stoke up for the night) and will need to do so for some weeks yet. If you leave your baby to cry, she will be very, very hungry .

milward · 26/10/2007 10:18

your baby needs to bf through the night at the moment - but this not for always - when bigger (from 5 to 6 months) your dd will start sleeping more. Keep feeling secure with you being there. My kids all bf & didn't sleep much but later on, around 10 months, they slept no problems. Other friends that had done crying where still having problems.

MegBusset · 26/10/2007 10:23

If she goes down at 10 then that's really good for this age. At 6 weeks my DS was going to bed at midnight. This gradually got earlier as he started to be more awake in the day.

The cluster feeding, as others have said, is totally normal, especially as they go through a big growth spurt at this age.

Please don't leave her to cry, she is so tiny, even advocates of cc would not do it at this age. (I don't think I'd do it ever, and that's speaking as the mum of an 8mo who doesn't sleep well!)

gingerninja · 26/10/2007 10:29

I agree with the others Peanut. Follow your instinct. Just ignore what others are telling you to do. If it doesn't sit right with you it isn't right. It's annoying when you get so much 'advice' (interpret that as interference). My DD didn't have any sense of day and night for weeks and cluster fed too which of course means you never get to eat or relax but it's a very short phase in the grand scheme of things.

PellMell · 26/10/2007 10:37

"insisting" is a strong word!!!!!
Is he really?
Please show him this thread.
Your baby will settle into a pattern soon enough.
I can remember when dd2 was about 6 months old my dh was getting upset that he didn't get to see her because she was going down not long after he was home from work.
Who would have thought it when she seemed to be stuck, eyes wide open until the early hoursjust a few months befor.
good luck to you all x

Moomin · 26/10/2007 10:42

With both our dds we really enjoyed the evenings when they were little as we kept them downstairs with us while they fed and slept and then took them up when we went to bed.

We didn't start putting them up to bed on their own til about 12-14 weeks (still in our bedroom but from about 7pm after bath and bottle). It was a lovely magical time and one you shouldn't be missing out on. Enjoy the cuddles- plenty of time for a stronger routine later. Both dds now go to bed brilliantly with no fuss (they are 6 and 2)

colditz · 26/10/2007 10:44

far too young, your husband is being completely unrealistic.

Habbibu · 26/10/2007 10:44

God, I still quite miss the 5-10 non-stop feed - feet up, remote in hand, baby who was happy to be cuddled for 5 hours straight...

Mine didn't start going to bed earlier until maybe 5 months, to be honest (quite a big hungry girl, and I was so happy to feed to sleep). We then did gradual withdrawal type-thing to get her to go to sleep - goes down like a lamb, happy, and never had to cry herself to sleep. The random and inexplicable night wakings are another story, however...

ConnorTraceptive · 26/10/2007 10:58

Putting down for the night at 10pm at 6 weeks sounds about right to me and it would be ridiculous to suddenly bring it forward to 7/8pm. Wait until your baby is sleeping longer through the night and then bring bed time forward by 15 minutes over a period of a few weeks. Anything else is a bit pointless and you'll just cause unneccesery stress on yourself and baby

TheJen · 26/10/2007 20:57

This could have been me 5 months ago! Your DH is trying to help however misguided he is . They don't understand (probably hasn't read any books either- know mine hadn't!) He probably sees you stressed and tries to help the only way he knows- everyone has heard of and talks about CC and most people don't remember or talk about how tough the first few months are. Your LO needs lots of cuddles and lots of feeds. I demand feed my DS and he had bad colic and often didn't settle til 11pm. Gradually he brought his own bedtime to 7pm (about 12 weeks ish) and now he pretty much sleeps through- still dream feeds at 10ish. So far I have managed to deal with all his ups and downs without letting him cry (thanks to the Baby Whisperer). TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS and enjoy the evenings with your LO, go for walks and meals and cuddle on the sofa. Before you know it they will be huge and need an early bedtime which makes going out impossible . I know it feels like a lifetime but it will soon pass... just a phase as they say!

Original poster

peanuthead · 27/10/2007 12:52

thanks everyone - needed the back up! last night we did the usual - bath, feed, cuddle, feed, cuddle, feed etc then sleep at 10 and it was fine. both me and dh forget she's so little as seems like we've had her forever and it's other people poking in saying she should be in bed.

we have read books - a friend gave me the baby whisperer and she-who-shall-not-be- named and both say that baby should be in bed at 7 and i think that's where dh got it from. he reads them more than me!

OP posts:

milward · 27/10/2007 13:13

happy to hear things are going well.

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