2 year old consistently wakes at 4am for the day. Tried everything, what am I doing wrong??

[Swaddleblanket]

2 year old (25 months) wakes every morning around 4am without fail and has done for as long as I can remember.

I have tried everything, early bedtime, late bedtime, completely dark room, milk before bed, no milk before bed, short nap, long nap, 2 naps.

I am so tired and so is my little one.

He goes to sleep on his own quite well at night and rarely wakes up in the night, sometimes once.

His room is completely dark we have a blackout window sticker.

We have tried leaving him to cry whilst we lie next to him at 4 to teach him it’s not the morning as 4am feels like a habit, but he gets completely hysterical and has climbed out of the cot a few times when we leave him.

What am I doing wrong?

Any tips or schedules to try - I just don’t know what I’m missing.

I would change the day time nap. Should be 12pm-1/1.30 bed for about 7/7.30.

This won't fix it straight away you'll need to give it 2-3 weeks and need to work on extending morning wake up time.

Would you consider paying for a sleep consultant? I went with my first child but he was much younger. It's not about closing the door and letting them cry it out but they give you schedules and settling techniques and support while your doing it

Another vote for the gro-clock.
I got one off eBay for £2 because I didn't think it would work for my non-talking daughter.
We were very strict with it. It was initially set at 6 and any time before that was treated as "it's still nighttime. Everyone is sleeping", give her a cuddle and put back in bed.
It took a while but it worked.
She's four now and has it set for 7. Sometimes she wakes up at 6.30 and I hear her go and get a book off the shelf or play with her dolls house until the sunshine on the clock comes out.
I actually think it's really good lesson to learn to be mindful of other sleeping people. Just because she's awake early doesn't mean everyone in the house has to be.
After living in house shares with people who blast music while getting ready for work at 5 am or when they get in from work at 4 am, I think it's a lesson their parents should have taught them!

How long have you tried everything for? I read 2 weeks is the minimum.

I would try keeping nap in middle of the day and then consistent bedtime for 2 weeks. That early nap means he must be super overtired by bedtime. Early rising is most often a sign of overtiredness. Maybe limit nap to 1.5-2hours. This sounds like a scheduling issue.

Agree with above posters no ipad or TV before 8am, also none 2hours before bedtime. If he's awake then it has to be boring quiet play, keep lights dim.

Doesn't sound like enough sleep to me. 8pm is really late bedtime! At age 2 I would transition to one nap after lunch. However you will need to do lunch early, like 10:30 or 11 or he won't get there! You might struggle for a few days. I'd aim to start the day at 6am, lunch at 11am, nap 11:30-2 or later, bed at 7pm. For now, I would 100% put him to bed at 6pm at the latest.

Sorry I just seen he has two naps. It should only be one in middle of the day. It's throwing everything off for you and that's causing the early wake. Cut out morning nap from today put to sleep at 12pm and wake up at 1.30 the latest and then bed tonight at 7

I feel like I’m a bit stuck in a cycle with the early cat nap though because if he doesn’t nap until 11.30/12 having woken up at 4 he is so overtired so then won’t that affect night sleep too?

I will try a method for 2 weeks consistently and see if it helps.

Feel so nervous of an earlier bedtime in case he wakes at 2 instead of 3 or 4...

He shouldn't be having two naps. He's waking early because he's learnt he can have that catch up sleep at 8:30/9:00

I agree. Let him wake at 4am. He has to stay in his room - with you. Keep lights low. Books or toys but interact with him minimally. Would he lie next to you and listen to cbeebies radio or an audiobook? Tell him "it's not daytime so mummy can't play yet" or something similar. Absolutely no tv till at least 6. It'll be really tough for a while. Really tough.

Do not let him sleep twice. You will probably have to void the car to have this happen. He can sleep at 9:30 if he really needs to, but if he does, no more nap for that day. You should gradually push the first nap back.. so see if you can get him napping from 11-12:30 or something.

You'll need to stick with it for a good week/10 days. But I'm pretty confident your two naps are what is causing your issues.

I feel for you though, we had this for months with my first. Sticking to a really rigid routine was key.

Bed at 7 so you mean in his cot ready to sleep at 7? So bring bath time and dinner earlier?

Some children just don't do sleep - though he is having two naps during the day so he doesn't appear to fall into this category.
Honestly I would drop the morning nap and have a single nap after lunch.

Definitely just one nap or no nap. Both my DC at that age had no nap and were asleep for 6.-6.30pm and awake 6.30-7am.

Try and earlier bedtime. It sounds like it wouldn't work but sometimes it does.

Definitely no iPad or TV when he wakes up. It's rewarding his early wake up by giving him something fun. A few times my DC would wake super early and ask for TV it was no way! It was boring for them so they learnt not to bother.

I'm by no way an expert and every child is different. Try tweaking the naps and bedtime. Good luck OP I'm sure it'll level out. Ooh and put him in a single bed. He'll have more space he may be waking up banging the sides x

I would definitely stop the tv and ipad as a morning activity.

I would fine one thing that he is allowed to do in his own bed only and put it in a separate box for 4am use only. Either books or threading. Something like that. Quiet and not that stimulating. 'Ahhh, I see you are awake, you can get your things out of your 4am box and look at them in your bed.'

Although I'd be quite tempted to get a trampoline in his room and say 'if you are awake, you have to jump on there until 7am' and if he stops because he's tired he can go back to bed where tired boys belong.

Have you tried a night light? He is prime age for starting to find things scary and starting to imagine things in the shadows. I got a plain boring one that just glows softly with no patterns or shadows for my 2yo a couple of months ago. It was instant relief from early mornings. Mine used to get up at 5:30 and now stays in his room until 7ish. He is in a single bed with rail so he can climb out and play if he wants to.

2 day naps is loads at that age

Something else to think about, if he wakes at the same time everyday is there something that is waking him up?
Took me ages to figure out why my 10month old would wake up bang on 6am on weekdays but later at weekends. It was the central heating switching on!

Don't worry about him being overtired come 11:30ish, at this age he should be able to get by on one nap without getting overtired. He just isn't used to it at the minute, but an early catnap is reinforcing the early waking. Scrap the cat nap, have his one nap at 11:30/12 and then bring bedtime earlier. You often find an earlier bedtime will make kids wake later rather than the opposite and also helps to ensure he isn't too tired when going to bed. Also some great advice here about what to do at 4am, avoid iPad, have quiet toys, swap to big bed etc.

I have a 2 year old who does this too. She wakes up anywhere from 4.30 to 5.30 and it is a killer. Ours has one small nap for about an hour. She goes to bed early (6ish) but will wake up at the same time each morning. We have tried later bedtimes and she still got up at the same time. We cut the nap for a week and she still got up at the same time. No advice just know you are not alone.

That's a lot of napping. I'd say no more than 1.5 hours and yes bed at 7 at the latest. We've all usually experienced this and in my experience any waking time after 6 is ok. My second DD dropped all daytime naps at a similar age. I agree groclock can help - we used fairy lights on a timer. And out of a cot with sides and into a bed.

Don't reward early waking with iPad. Of course he wants to get up then!

That said both my kids had a period when they were waking closer to 5 and we had to instigate the no leaving room rule until lights came on (usually past 6). It does pass but is hard work!

Mia met read all the replies but we’ve recently gotten through this. My son did exactly the same at the same age. We moved him from a cot to a bed, put a baby gate on his door, childproofed the room and got a gro clock. Once he was able to get out of bed and move around it really helped, as did the gro clock. He’d get up, shout for me, I’d ask him what his clock said, he’d say nanight and then I’d ignore him. He’d potter around and get back in bed.
He’s almost 2.5 now and he wakes on average about 7am (sometime 6.30 occasionally 8) He goes to be about 7.30 beta often plays for a bit before putting himself to bed

The morning nap needs to go as his body is using it an an extension to night sleep. You could try brining his lunch nap forward so he isn’t getting over tired and then gradually pushing it out again. It sounds like he has developed a habit wake, which needs to be broken. As soon as he sees you or you give him the iPad he thinks it is time to get up and by continuing it you are reinforcing the habit.

I’m a big fan of the Little Ones sleep guides which explains how baby sleep works. Written by two former sleep consultants so it’s cheaper than employing one! We have used their routines and suggestions since DS was 8 months and have followed it strictly ever since.

If you do get a gro clock you can set the brightness to zero. The blue light it emits even on setting 1 is not good for sleep!

@Swaddleblanket

Bed at 7 so you mean in his cot ready to sleep at 7? So bring bath time and dinner earlier?

I understand you feel nervous! He won't wake earlier though, honestly. And if he did (he won't) then that's even less morning like, you wouldn't even contemplate the ipad or getting up at 3am or 2am!

I would have him up the stairs at 6:30 and ideally asleep by 7pm.

For context my 3yr 7m old is in bed for 7pm and gets up at 6am. I think he needs to go to bed a bit earlier tbh, he always has bags under his eyes! Little ones generally need a 12hr day and a 12hr night. At 2, you'll need a nap in the middle of the day to get through. By 2.5 it might be gone! An early bedtime is your friend.

Keep him up today by hook or by crook, no cat nap! Early lunch.

Changing things can be scary but just make a plan and try it. Yes he might be super grumpy for a few days as he's adjusting but power through it'll be worth it in the long run!

1. No nap and earlier bed

Or

1. Earlier bed

Or

1. Gro-clock

Or

1. Roll with it

Way too much napping, and too late a bedtime.

6am or later get up

1pm - 2pm nap, certainly no longer the 1.5 hours

6:15pm bath, milk, bed

7pm bed, asleep

Good luck, we tackled similar issues!