Co-sleepers, talk to me about night weaning 16mo

[Mij]

We've always co-slept, somtimes part time but full-time from 6mo. I demand bf night and day cos it's easy and change is hard. And it used to mean we all got the most sleep.

I don't particularly want to give up co-sleeping right now, as it still seems to be best for all of us, and there's very little room for a cot anyway.

DD's pattern of night waking and feeding has become increasingly erratic and I'm thinking the time has come to Do Something Proactive.

So, what worked for you? Please bear in mind that my DD is one of the most persistent and determined children I've ever come across. She also melts down pretty fast if things are not going right (for her) and we have very thin walls .

I've considered the following:

1. Putting DP next to her in the night, to see if that reduces demand, but still feeding her if she persists.
2. Trying the Elizabeth Pantley (No-cry sleep solution) nipple removal thingy again, but tbh I find it very hard to stay awake and stay consistent over several nights in a row.
3. Go completely cold turkey, pick a week when it doesn't matter as much if we're all knackered, and get DP to deal with her in the night while I play asleep.
4. Decide on a time, I dunno, let's say 11pm for starters, before which I won't feed her, and gradually extend that. Although that seems like a long haul...

I suppose I have a slight anxiety that if I refuse any bfds, she'll spontaneously give them all up, although as she's a major boob girl that's probably not that likely.

Any suggestions much appreciated

Bumping up cos I need some help...

Have you looked at Dr Jay Gordon's nightweaning for toddlers plan? It seems to work without TOO much agony.
www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp
I've never heard of any cosleeping bf toddler giving up all feeds aftter nightweaning, tbh, so I wouldn't fret about that. We nightweaned at 9-10 months, and again at about a year, and again at 20 months (oops!), and day feeds are still going strong. I think the later you do it the more chance there is of it sticking, if only because there is less teething to be got through.
Keep us posted!

Good lord you must be exhausted! I have never heard of a 16 mo still being bf on demand during the night. How is she with her solids during the day? Can you cut down her bf's and increase her meal quantities? She really should not need any milk at all during the night at this age. What is her bedtime routine? I would be sorely tempted to up her solids, then go cold turkey for a week and I would put her in her own room if you can which can only help break the cycle. As you say, get your partner involved, only offer water as and when she does wake, then put her straight back down after a cuddle. It will be hell on earth for a few days but long term you will be reaping the benefits I am sure. Good luck!!

Hi Mij

I demand fed at night until my two were 2. They were both milk addicts feeding every two hours day and night, but could go all day if at nursery/childminders, where they were very happy. I had to go cold turkey then as I was just kn*ckered to be consistent in discouraging night feeding myself. Dh coslept with them for 3 nights, whilst I got the single bed. Night 1 was awful. DS1 screamed for about 2 hours, ds2 went for 3.5 hours, had 20 mins snooze then did another 3.5 hours!!! However, on the second night it was about 20 mins yelling and then just wimpers on the 3rd night. We carried on daytime feeding with no problems afterwards and if asked, I could calmly say, no, it's nighttime now. Go to sleep. And they did!

Best of luck. Wish we had done it sooner, but I was always soooo tired!!

LOL JolieGirl. Looks like I beat the record then! Upping solids never put mine off their "Mummy drinks" (though real juice lollies worked wonderfully with ds1.)

DS2 still cosleeps with us happily by the way at 4.

JG,well, no way i would be able to go through that....

I have a 15 mo old dd who is pretty much like that....

Having said so, when I was pg I really felt too tired to carry on at night so "suddendly" refused the night times. Both ds and dd slept through after a couple of night, without crying too much (if they would have done I would not have been able to go through it .)
O and they carried on with the daytomes for a looonnng time afterwards....

Looking back, I think that all that screaming would have been reduced if I had gone away for a couple of nights! It was the fact that I was in the next room that meant he was outraged/confused/inconsolable.

I never thought that I would allow my dss to cry for so long, but I couldn't go on any longer and they really weren't up for persuading to wait/extend the gaps between feeds! Dh put his foot down in the end, and I knew that they were OK - not hungry, not cold, they had him with them . . . they were just very stubborn milk monsters!

JG, I know she probably doesn't 'need' milk at night (although in some medical circles it's now accepted that some babes do genuinely need a bit more at night up to 18 months or so, and her late evening feed really is a proper feed, not just a getting back to sleep nursing session) but as I said in the OP, it's the way we get the most sleep and I'm crap at being consistent enough over a long enough period to make some of those gentle sleep plans do their magic.

I'm interested in the responses from those who went cold turkey - how did your babes react to the crying periods? I know it's not the same as CC, as you're not leaving them (can't if you're co-sleeping anyway) but were they unhappy/clingy/anything else afterwards?

After those long crying periods on those first nights without milk, neither of my dss were in the slightest bit clingy! (And we are all real softies!) Of course, Dh and I felt like wet discloths, but the kids were absolutely normal. When they asked for a drink I agreed as cheerily as I could, saying (through gritted teeth) "Yes, it's daytime now, isn't it? That's fine. There are no drinks at night now, 'cause that is sleeping time."

They were a bit wary that night when they saw dh approaching, but we used the same words "No drinks now, it's sleeping time", and, as I said below, it only took 20 mins that night.

Cockles, thank you for that great link. Now I just have to find 7-10 consecutive days and nights when my DP will be around to help, and to protect me from the neighbours when they come around to kill us...

JolieGirl - there are LOADS of kids still bfeeding on demand through the night up to, and well past, two! It really is not that odd. Sometimes it is the easiest way to get sleep - it is really not hard to bf when you are lying down & cosleeping.

they were fine during the day. And honestly, if they had been very upset/prolonged crying I wouldn't have been able to do it (no cc for me )

A new factor to throw into the equation, everyone.

We're now going to move in mid January.

So I'm thinking, maybe not the time for any other changes, cos we'll have to do it all over again in January.

What do you think?