Sharing your bed - advice please

[TinaFay]

I'm 30 weeks pregnant with my first baby, and have been attempting to prepare myself for the coming arrival by reading various books, as I'll be the first to admit I know next to nothing about babies.

I've always thought that babies should sleep in their own beds / cot / moses basket, but have read quite a bit recently in various books and magazines that seems to suggest babies are actually better off sleeping with you in your bed during their first 6 months of life, especially if you are breastfeeding. I've got various concerns about this, namely that the duvet or pillows could suffocate them or cause them to overheat, and later on, that it will be difficult to get the baby to sleep anywhere else. I'm very confused and really want to find out more on the subject.

Can anyone offer me any advice or does anyone know of any books I can read that give a balanced argument on this subject? I know people tend to have strong opinions one way or the other.

Many thanks, Tina

Congratulations!

I think you have to do your own balancing! Read books for and against and go with your gut instinct - and be prepared for that instinct to totally change once the baby is born - due to your own maternal feelings and/or due to the baby being all night feeder or sleep through type.

I read stuff after baby born and we ended up co-sleeping by default and due to laziness. I looked at mumsnet posts, kellymom.com, a book called Baby Bliss (MIL bought me), Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson. I also read mainstream stuff that advised no - Penelope Leach, Baby Whisperer, GF etc.

I think trying to find an absolute answer on what is best is very difficult. Co-sleeping as a whole seems to cover sleeping together on sofas etc, and what needs to be researched is responsible, parent-aware (if that makes sense) co-sleeping.

We took duvet away and I had a sheet/blankets over me. I have no idea why but having always been a snuggle up to the duvet type since baby born been totally happy to sleep with top half out of covers. I had a slim pillow which I obsessively kept away from dd.

Don't worry too much about too far ahead. Take one day at a time.

Sorry long post. I'm really impressed that you are aware of this before the baby born!

Hi if you want a pro cosleeping book try Sears and Sears 'the baby book', or there is a book called 'three in a bed' (can't remember who it is by) that is very pro as well. Balanced arguments are hard to find on this though - its something people tend to have strong opinions about. I seem to remember an NCT sleep book that was quite balanced - I'd try to borrow it from a library though as I don't think it said very much

I started off with DS in a moses basket but it very quickly turned to cosleeping, there is lots of research in favour I think, particularly if you are breast feeding. Sleeping with you is also supposed to help regulate breathing. A search on here and the breast and bottle feeding topic should come up with some links.

Re duvet and pillows, we never had a problem. I just put DS well below our pillows (kind of head level with breast) and made sure the duvet was only over me (actually for the first couple of months DS slept on my chest so I only had the duvet over my legs).

There are bedside cots available that some people swear by

As for sleeping in his own bed, DS is 11 months now and has slept all night (well until he wakes up at 5!) in his own bed about 8 times, but all in the last two weeks - so I'm hoping that progress has been made .

For what its worth I would definitely co-sleep from the start if and when I have another. I do know some people that just can't sleep well themselves though - I think you just need to find what works for you

Good luck with it

I love the dr sears website but it is very AP which is what I am. I'm co-sleeping with ds2 (9 months) and still breastfeeding him. I co-slept with both ds1 and dd and they didn't have any problems going into their own beds. Dd is 5 and a half and ds1 4 next week. It really is the best option for us especially as ds2 still wakes a lot in the night for milk.

start here and read the links. 3 in a bed is a well researched, well rounded book on (more than)infant sleep sleep.

I was all set for my new baby to spend his nights in his cot, then I met him and realised if he wants to sleep next to me there's no point arguing with the little blighter!

As mother of a very difficult, crying, windy, sucky, sleep-resistant, breastfed baby, everyone here advised me to cosleep. My mum told me to cosleep. People in the street were telling me to get over it and cosleep. And you know what? It's made the difference between me feeling a bit like I might be about to have a breakdown and me actually having said breakdown and being carted off by men in white coats. So far.

It's zapped the time I would have spent desperately trying to get him back to sleep after night feeds, allowing me more sleep :sing hallelujah: (you'll understand in 10 weeks), and also means I get lovely close snuggly time with him when he's at his most pleasant (ie asleep), therefore preventing me from throwing him out of the window.

Can't recommend it highly enough, but then again you (hopefully) won't have a baby like mine!

P.S. I love him dearly, he's just a bit taxing ...

Thank you all for your advice. Will definitely check out some of the books you mention!

test

A bit late but there's a thing called close and secure that goes between the pillows and has little walls to stop us rolling in and baby rolling out/getting smothered. I think it's more for peace of mind because the truth is we usually wake up on the edge of the bed with baby stretched to full capacity in the middle.

i co sleep with my 8 month old and have to confess that he screams blue murder in his cot, i leave him to cry to sleep at 8 but when i go to bed at say 11 he will wake up and then he comes into bed with me as he is also still bf. i put him in his cot at bedtime if i am having me time downstairs and he is at the stage of crawling so leaving him alone in bed unsupervised is a bad idea! he wakes at 5.30 so i have to have one eye open as he shuffles t othe end of the bed to peer at toys etc!

The advice here is all great. I'd add that a bed rail is a useful 'accessory' when cosleeping. That way you can have baby on the outer edge of the bed. You and DH/DP can still snuggle and you can keep your bedding away from the baby.

Chubbysb, love your post. Wish I'd been more confident in the begining too it would have solved untold misery. Sad thing is, I know if I have a second he/she will not be in the least interested in cosleeping and will prefer a cot.