20 month old dd - previously brilliant sleeper - suddenly terrified of cot

[cupcakes]

I don't know quite what has happened - up to 2 days ago she was a perfect sleeper. You put her down for a nap or at bedtime and she went to sleep. She had a bad dream the other night and now she's too scared to go into cot.
Had an hour of crying this afternoon before she had her nap and now she is upstairs crying her eyes out.
To make things worse this pm she pulled a heavy lamp onto her head. She cut her scalp and there was a lot of blood. Consequently she could be a bit unsettled by this (although it wouldn't explain her earlier nap and last night) so I do not want to leave her alone crying for too long.
I have given her calpol in case she has a headache but it doesn't seem to be making her drowsy.
We weren't ready to put her into a bed yet (we need to get a plumber in to move a radiator in her room before we can fit a bed in!) and other than that I can't think what to do.
She came into bed with us in the end last night and I really don't want to go down that path again.
Any ideas??

Anyone?
It's so unlike her to be this upset.

hello cupcakes, Just wanted to sympathise. i also have a 20 month old dd. Like your one, she was a great sleeper until around 18 months and then all of a sudden she started to wake up, crying her eyes out. We resorted to cc after two weeks which seemed to work. Then last week she started waking again but this time shouting hello and calling for us, this stopped after about 5 nights without us really doing anything at all.
I have read somewhere that babies don't dream until they are about 2, am not sure how true this is.
I would try controlled crying if it continues, but I warn you that it can be quite distressing listening to your baby cry.
i have my fingers crossed that things get better soon.

I went thru similar thing with my dd at this age (she is now 6) for about a month, we got a night light from B&Q which helped. Do you have a light you could leave on for her or even a light on the stairs just until she drops off? It is soul destroying leaving them to cry but sometimes you just have to let them. I have a baby boy and I have given up trying the "controlled crying routine" as it just makes him worse, when he sees me he just wants me to stay with him and I feel like the worst mother in the world. Hope your dd is ok - obviously you will need to keep checking her - did she need to go to hospital?

Thanks Yingers...
have just been up to check on her as she went quiet but she was standing in the corner of her cot, her arms over the sides holding her up, but half asleep. As soon as I tried to lie her down she went hysterical again.
It makes sense what you say about the dreaming - it is as if she is scared to go to sleep.
Does your dd talk much? Ours doesn't and it's so upsetting that she can't tell me what's wrong.
Have just mentioned the dreams theory to my dh and he thinks we should monitor what she watches on tv - we have an older ds (he's only 4) but he watches Disney films which used to scare him at this age...
Anyhow, thanks so much for your message!
(were you born in '74? If so - me too!)

Thanks Crockster - messages crossed!
Yes, when I go into her after 5 mins or so it just makes her worse...
She used to sleep in the dark with her door ajar and a light outside. I have got a dimmer on her light which I might use. I tried it earlier and it seemed to make no difference so I turned it off, thinking maybe hr usual conditions would be better.
We phoned the doctor but she recovered very quickly - once we cleaned the blood away it was just a small cut so no stitches. Have just been monitoring her ourselves this evening. This is one of the reasons why I'm so reluctant to leave her...

Hi Cupcakes. Hope she is ok. Mine has just woken up, but the rain is battering down here on the window, and of course we do have the idiots letting off fireworks (but that's a whole new story - dreading Nov 5th)

Yep, indeed i was born in 74. My dd talks but not enough to tell me what is wrong. When we had the first episode of no sleep, her crying seemed to us like she was scared to sleep or at least scared of not being with us hence the two weeks of sleeping on her floor. I read that it is sometimes connected to separation anxiety, this seemed to make sense as we had just put her into nursery one day a week. It was suggested that you should give her more attention during the day, no tv an hour before she goes to bed and a very relaxed run up to bed. It made things a bit better but we still had to use cc over four long nights!!!! I actually logged onto mumsnet to help me through it.

I am hoping that things will get better for you without you needing to resort to cc. I just want you to know that you are not alone!

Thanks so much for your messages - it really helps. She has gone quiet now so I am about to creep up and see if she is lying down or still standing. We have a thunderstorm starting as well so we'll see!

Ohhhhh!!! She was asleep but standing up in the corner of the cot. As soon as I tried to lie her down she started crying and stood up again...

cupcakes, what makes you think it was a nightmare that started it off seeing as she's not talking enough to tell you that? I just wondered as we went through a similar thing with dd at 15 months, also previously an excellent sleeper (she's 2 now), but she's a very verbal child and she did tell us that she was frightened of 'monsters, kings and windows' (strange, I know) so we thought maybe some of the stories we'd been reading her might have got through to her unconscious in the wrong way. We monitor her t.v. watching v. closely so we knew it wasn't that. Anyway, I just read her very 'cosy' type bedtime books for a while, plus we did end up doing cc as it got worse with every other thing we tried and she started settling down again. Since then she's never been such a consistently good sleeper that she used to be and will still wake very briefly a couple of nights a week but it's not really a problem now. To be honest I think 'fears' were only a part of her problem when it was in full swing, I also think she was going through a separation thing and just didn't want to be left by us. I've never been entirely certain if the 'fears' of monsters etc. were a way of getting us to give her extra love and sympathy or a real fear because she now seems to have no fear of any of those things since I took amuch more matter of fact approach to her bedtimes. I used to give her endless cuddles and kisses 'better' when she was 'scared' and now I say 'oh, don't be silly, there's no monsters' and instantly change the subject and she's fine now.

hello prefernot! we seem to be regulars on the sleep threads!!

Hi prefernot. The reason I thought she had had a bad dream was because she woke in the middle of the night (which she never does) and suddenly started screaming and crying.
We have always been very firm with her bedtime routine - we had a lot of trouble with our ds for years over sleeping and didn't want to go down that route again(!).
She was so tired last night that she kept falling asleep standing up - when I though she was sound asleep I tried lying her down but she would automatically stand up and cry. We did turn her light on very dim and my dh finally managed to lie her down and get her to sleep. Am relieved that she didn't end up in our bed again. She slept through and woke up just before 7 - just as normal. Fingers crossed she'll go down for her nap ok this morning. I'm hoping this is just a temporary hiccup!
Thank you for your messages last night - it was a real help.

cupcakes, that standing up but being asleep was also exactly what our dd did! Yours is the first I've ever heard of doing the same thing. She'd say 'mummy ... mummy ...' and it would get quieter and quieter, I'd go to look at her after about 10 mins quietness and she'd be slumped up by the cot bars with her head on her arms fast asleep, and as you said, she'd wake up as soon as we lay her down. In the end we gave up totally lying her down ourselves and kind of taught her to lay herself down. Now every night and day I put her to bed she's standing in the cot, she sings 'baa baa black sheep' to me then tells me to go and lies herself down when I leave the room! Might be worth telling your dd that? Even if she's not speaking much she'll probably be understanding almost every thing you say.

Hi Yingers, yes, we're sleep problem addicts aren't we? I feel I've read so many books about sleep and spoken to so many people I should change career ...

I've just put hr down for her nap. She was fine till the second I went to put her in the cot and then she burst out crying. Left her and she went quiet after a few minutes. Have just been to check her and she is wide awake, just standing there sucking her thumb.
I have explained to her that it is nap time ( a message she usually responds well to) so maybe that is why she is being quiet and not calling for me anymore. I am just going to leave her now unless she gets really upset again.

What happened cupcakes? Did she go off? Is she still having 2 naps a day? I was just thinking it seems a bit early for a nap for a 20 month old? At 16 months we switched my dd from 2 naps to 1 just after her lunch. But then it depends what time she gets up in the morning too I guess ...

Hi again! She has only been having one nap for about 8 months and that is her morning nap. She wakes up at about 6.30 so not that early but she was really drooping about 10am. Started putting her down at 9.30am a few weeks ago as it fits in better with the time we have to leave the house by to pick up her brother from school (he is part time). It was fine with her till the other day.
She didn't sleep at all this morning. We were at a friend's house this afternoon so she has not slept at all today.
I am hoping this will help with putting her down tonight - unless she is overtired! If we had been out in the car today she would definitely have fallen asleep. In fact when I have tried moving her nap to the pm she usually finds it hard to last - she ends up falling asleep in the pushchair on the walk to ds's school and then it messes up her lunchtime. I am quite surprised she is still awake now - maybe it could be time to drop her full nap? She would still have little naps in buggy and car but not a long one.
However, I don't think her problem with the cot has been because she has had too much rest.
This morning she stood in her cot for almost two hours and refused to lie down, she just leant against the bars and sucked her thumb. She wasn't as upset though which is one thing. Odd though for her not to fall asleep - she normally relishes her nap!
Thank you for the interest you are showing!

Have just put her to bed - and she's screaming her heart out. I've been in once already and she calms as soon as you hold her but then screams as soon as you put her back in cot...
Actually, she's just gone quiet... maybe tonight she will be quicker to calm (bet she falls asleep standing up again though!)

Cupcakes, I do sympathise with you as my ds (18 months) did/does that with me too. Try and soothe him and it makes things worse and he becomes even more inconsolable. Our ds is waking in the night (roughly same time) and has done for the past 3 weeks. He is cutting his back teeth at the moment so it has been hard for me as to what to do. I have been doing the cuddling, sleeping on floor stuff but now I am having to be a lot firmer (for all our sanities). I hope your dd settles soon for you.

My dd went through a stage (almost at a flick of a switch) of hating going to bed at this age. Literally one night she was as good as gold and the next she was screaming and because it was out of character i comforted her, brought her downstairs etc etc but the same thing happened the next night and the next etc etc. She was in a bed which was a bit of a nightmare because she kept climbing off and running out the door but after 5 nights (whereby i'd satisfied myself that it wasn't a tummy bug. teeth or any of that) i did the old controlled crying and after 2 nights of that she was back to normal. Good Luck but don't use this method until you're sure she is not poorly.

Hi! Thanks for your messages. I am very pleased to say she is asleep! And touch wood (going by last night) it will be till morning. She started crying again so I went in and gave her a cuddle without picking her up. I then lay her down but didn't let go of her and stroked her hair and sang to her till she calmed. Eventually managed to get her blanket on and leave the room (with her still awake). Hope she doesn't expect this every night. I suspect she may have only 'given in' so easily because she's been awake since 7am.
Have decided to persevere with putting her down for a nap in the morning - at least if I try and keep her routine regular and familiar she might get back to her good habits..???
It's reassuring to hear of others with similarly behaved children!!

Hi cupcakes, personally I wouldn't mess with dropping her naps altogether, especially if she seems tired for them. I remembered though that when we were going through this with dd it got much worse before it got better. Though that probably won't happen with you. We did all kinds of things to 'help' and made things worse needlessly I think now. But to get over it we actually didn't try to get her to sleep in the cot in the day, we took her out in the pram instead, and we did cc very gently at bedtime and if she woke in the night. (Initially she just did the standing up thing at the start of sleep but at its worst point she was doing it a couple of times a night too). I know people disagree but I'm not a fan of doing cc for naps and she sleeps so readily in the pram we thought one less 'battle' a day was a good idea. When the bedtimes and nighttimes were back on track we put her down for naps again and it was easy as anything.

Hope you get a good night tonight!

Morning! She slept through again, just as normal (I feel a bit fraudulent posting on the 'sleep' threads when we are all actually getting a full night's sleep ).
I was wondering if this change to her behaviour is at all linked to ds being at home for half term. I can't really see how but the timing fits in. We are about to go out for a walk now (as if it were term time) then I'm going to try putting her down for her normal nap at 9.30ish.
Like you say, I don't think I'll be too heavy with the cc for her nap though...

So ... ?

Yes! She went to sleep!!
She made a really pathetic protest (stood up once) and I laid her down and gently pinned her down whilst I tucked her blankets in and then she gave up wriggling and lay still! And slept for 2 hours.
I'm so glad as she's starting to get a cold and really needs her rest.
Fingers crossed for tonight.

cupcakes, it might have even just been a glitch due to her starting with the cold? My dd's always less willing to go to bed when she's ill. She's been coming down with a fluey thing for a couple of days which has, I think, finally broken through.

Hope you get a good night.